My lodger doesn't clean up after herself

[Matthew]

So yeah I bought a house a few months ago as some of you might know. Anyway I'm renting out one of the spare rooms to a colleague to get some extra money coming in, but so far (3 weeks in) I'm almost at the point where I want to kick her out :P. She literally is the messiest person I've ever met..

She doesn't clean up after herself. She'll cook, and the inevitable little spills etc that happen just get left for days and days. On the very first day she was here, she cooked some sort of pasta and the sauce splashed all over the hobs/surfaces etc, and she just left it... Three days later I cleaned it up myself (would have done it straight away but I wanted to see if she actually would do it). She also always cooks too much food and then just leaves the stuff she didn't eat in the pan on the hobs overnight, and then the next evening just throws it away.. I mean if you were gonna just bin it why not do it straight away so that I don't have to wake up and go down to a kitchen smelling like packet curry or whatever :P

Then there's the microwave. Apparently she doesn't get the concept of covering things when she microwaves them, so the inside of the microwave is just covered with bits of curry/rice/slop etc. The inside of the oven is the same.

Anyway last week I was working away so wasn't at home. I purposely hadn't mentioned cleaning up after herself before now as I wanted to see what state the house would be in when I got back.. It was an absolute mess. The kitchen was just vile, and infact my dad had dropped by on tuesday to pick something up and immediately called me to complain about the state of the kitchen. I got back on friday to find crumbs/packets/etc all over the floor and bits of dried sauce on the surfaces/hobs which looked like they'd been there all week. The microwave was as above and despite the fact my dad had asked her to clean the grill pan after she'd obviously used it on monday, she hadn't. There was also some sort of sauce on some of the cupboard doors..

After her first week here she managed to stain her mattress (I found it when I put a mattress cover on it; in fact she was supposed to bring this but didn't so I bought one myself). Just out of interest I looked at her bed yesterday and she's managed to stain the mattress cover too lol. I mean how does a 19 year old spill so much crap on her bed? There's also been a plate with food on it in her room on the floor for nearly 3 weeks now. I dare not touch it haha.

So yeah, what do I say to her? She's been away all weekend and has just got back.. Don't want to shout at her or really kick her out or anything as she's a work colleague so it'll be awkward and I like the rent she's paying but equally I would have no trouble replacing her and surely the new person wouldn't be as messy. Oh and just as a side note, the first thing she did when she got back was to trample dirt off her shoes through the hall to the kitchen despite the fact I've asked her to take off her shoes when she gets in..

Am I being pedantic? I just don't understand, I mean if it were roles reversed and I was renting off her I'd make sure I left everything spotless; I'd frankly be embarrassed to leave things looking like a mess.

tl;dr my lodger, a colleague, seems incapable of cleaning up after herself. What do I say?

And has anyone else dealt with this kinda situation before? :)

[FlyingJesus]

Having lodgers that you know is always a bad idea because it makes things like this more awkward, but realistically you're gonna have to just treat her as you would anyone else in her position and lay down some proper rules for cleanliness. You're under no obligation to keep her there at all and she should be playing to your standards not setting her own lax ones

[Matthew]

Having lodgers that you know is always a bad idea because it makes things like this more awkward, but realistically you're gonna have to just treat her as you would anyone else in her position and lay down some proper rules for cleanliness. You're under no obligation to keep her there at all and she should be playing to your standards not setting her own lax ones

Well really I didn't know her as she only started work a few weeks ago when she moved in. I get what you mean though; but then i suppose if you know the person you might have a better idea of how clean they are?

anyway yeah I agree, but I'm finding the fact that she's a colleague is making me struggle to think of what to say haha. I suppose though the nature of my job means I won't really see her at work much as we're often working on different clients but hey

[Empired]

It's your house and you're perfectly right to want her to go by your rules. The best thing to do here is probably have a conversation with her about how difficult you're finding it cleaning up for the two of you (really lay on how difficult it is for you to make her feel bad) and if she still doesn't shift her weight, try once more and then ask her to leave. If it's making YOUR house uncomfortable you don't have to put up with it.

And if you do have to ask her to leave and get another lodger, tell them what you're expecting before you come to any sort of agreement about moving in. We have lodgers sometimes and my mum always tells them that she expects them to clear up after themselves, etc. and they're all fine with it. That kind of thing is a completely normal thing to expect.

[Matthew]

It's your house and you're perfectly right to want her to go by your rules. The best thing to do here is probably have a conversation with her about how difficult you're finding it cleaning up for the two of you (really lay on how difficult it is for you to make her feel bad) and if she still doesn't shift her weight, try once more and then ask her to leave. If it's making YOUR house uncomfortable you don't have to put up with it.

And if you do have to ask her to leave and get another lodger, tell them what you're expecting before you come to any sort of agreement about moving in. We have lodgers sometimes and my mum always tells them that she expects them to clear up after themselves, etc. and they're all fine with it. That kind of thing is a completely normal thing to expect.

Yeah I think I was maybe a little lax with laying the ground rules when she arrived so we didn't really discuss this sorta stuff when she first moved in. Bit of a mistake I think now!

Admittedly I grew up in probably an overly clean home (my mum [and the rest of us (A)] used to keep it spotless) so maybe that makes me a little biased but equally I'm not expecting my house to be as clean. Really didn't expect her to be this messy though. I mean when I got home the other day I did sorta stop in my tracks as I was wiping up after her and just though 'why am I bothering when I could quite easily replace her with someone 10x better' but the fact that she's a colleague makes me really uneasy about kicking her out :(

[Empired]

Yeah I think I was maybe a little lax with laying the ground rules when she arrived so we didn't really discuss this sorta stuff when she first moved in. Bit of a mistake I think now!

Admittedly I grew up in probably an overly clean home (my mum [and the rest of us (A)] used to keep it spotless) so maybe that makes me a little biased but equally I'm not expecting my house to be as clean. Really didn't expect her to be this messy though. I mean when I got home the other day I did sorta stop in my tracks as I was wiping up after her and just though 'why am I bothering when I could quite easily replace her with someone 10x better' but the fact that she's a colleague makes me really uneasy about kicking her out :(
No it's not an overreaction at all if your OP was accurate. I can cope with rooms being untidy but not unclean, ughh. If you have a really nice conversation with her beforehand and ask her to help out a bit more because you don't like having an unclean house then it's perfectly acceptable to ask her to leave if she still doesn't help out.

[Matthew]

No it's not an overreaction at all if your OP was accurate. I can cope with rooms being untidy but not unclean, ughh. If you have a really nice conversation with her beforehand and ask her to help out a bit more because you don't like having an unclean house then it's perfectly acceptable to ask her to leave if she still doesn't help out.

believe me, its accurate :P

well if anything i've understated the mess haha!

Yeah I'll speak to her tomorrow. She got home and just went straight up to her room, little antisocial!

[Kyle]

1. although it's your house she rents the room and it is effectively hers so unless she is doing any lasting damage that isn't easily rectified, try to ignore the state of a room that only she is going to experience
2. if you can't be tactful about it, don't physically confront her. it'll just be awkward and she'll hate you and herself. clean the house and let her know that something's happening, that you're having an event or party or people over in a week's time so ask that she kindly keep it spotless until then. if she's conscientious she will do so and hopefully pick up the habit of staying clean. if she is disrespectful and doesn't do it, you have a valid reason to confront her that she will understand your reasoning perfectly, allowing you to be more forceful and set proper ground rules moving forward.

[Matthew]

1. although it's your house she rents the room and it is effectively hers so unless she is doing any lasting damage that isn't easily rectified, try to ignore the state of a room that only she is going to experience
2. if you can't be tactful about it, don't physically confront her. it'll just be awkward and she'll hate you and herself. clean the house and let her know that something's happening, that you're having an event or party or people over in a week's time so ask that she kindly keep it spotless until then. if she's conscientious she will do so and hopefully pick up the habit of staying clean. if she is disrespectful and doesn't do it, you have a valid reason to confront her that she will understand your reasoning perfectly, allowing you to be more forceful and set proper ground rules moving forward.

oh yeah I'm not too bothered about her room unless she properly damages something like you said. Just included the bit about her room as a bit of back story (A)

yeah good idea, its probably best to start small with gentle hints rather than fully telling her off or something (not that I would!)