Open Relationships

[Empired]

I was reading an article about a girl who was in a relationship with a guy who had a fiancee (both of the girls knew about each other) and how she thought she'd be ok with it but basically ended up freaking out and having to break it off so I thought I'd ask HxF

What do you think of open relationships/polygamy? Could you ever date someone in/could you ever have multiple romantic relationships?

I can't work out if I'd be ok with it or not. I feel like I would be now but I'm not sure I could cope if I started to get too deeply involved. But idk I can't think what it would actually be like so I could be completely wrong.

Just as a note this is nothing to do with cheating - everyone involved should know about everyone else

[Alysha]

Personally, I don't think that I could cope with 'sharing' a relationship, but that's not to say I don't disagree with it. I just think I'm a bit too jealous to handle that sort of commitment

[Matt]

No I hate sharing.


If you got bored and decided to start hooking up with people is that classed an open relationship or is that just cheating?

[xxMATTGxx]

No I hate sharing.


If you got bored and decided to start hooking up with people is that classed an open relationship or is that just cheating?

An open relationship is where BOTH people agree that each may have sexual relations with someone else. If only one agrees to it, then its cheating.

[welshcake]

No I hate sharing.


If you got bored and decided to start hooking up with people is that classed an open relationship or is that just cheating?
Depends if your partner was aware and ok with you hooking up with other people
if not
then that's cheating

(awks matt has replied too like 1 min before me)

[Cerys]

Definitely couldn't do it, I feel sick at the thought of my guy even kissing another girl nevermind being in a full relationship

I think if you can cope with being in an open relationship to begin with then you're not with the person you're gonna end up with forever

[Empired]

Definitely couldn't do it, I feel sick at the thought of my guy even kissing another girl nevermind being in a full relationship

I think if you can cope with being in an open relationship to begin with then you're not with the person you're gonna end up with forever
I disagree; I have a couple of acquaintances who just don't understand how you could stick with one person forever? Idk I didn't really understand it but I think it's probably different for different situations as well.

Like if I was in a relationship and my partner said "Hey I think we should see other people too" then I would be furious wtf but if I met someone and they said "I'm already in an open relationship u ok with that" then it would be different

[-:Undertaker:-]

it's scummy

i could never do it anyway i haven't even got the effort that would be required for one relationship let alone two

[dbgtz]

If both parties agree in a legally binding document, then sure. Honestly, I can't say I've been or will ever be presented with the situation so I've never thought about it, but probably not.

[!:random!:!]

No never if someone wants more than one person in the relationship then they weren't happy with the person they were originally with...

[Empired]

Surprised at the number of people who are so anti open relationships - personally I think they sound ok, just not long term for me.

[Lewis]

As long as all the people in the relationship know about it and agree, it's their choice.

I wouldn't myself.

[dbgtz]

Surprised at the number of people who are so anti open relationships - personally I think they sound ok, just not long term for me.

Easier to make a decision when not faced with it I suppose. I suspect people on all sides would change their mind otherwise.

[Hannah]

The way I look at it, which is just my opinion - if you want more than one person, you shouldn't be in a relationship.

Sure, have flings and what not with whoever while you're single, but as soon as you get into a relationship surely you should focus your energy on one person rather than splitting it into two or more.

If you don't want to be stuck with one person, don't settle and risk others getting attached and hurt in the first place. :)

[lawrawrrr]

I've thought about it before and actually seriously considered it once. I'm not sure I believe in monogamy or not, I keep flitting between because it's nice to be committed to someone but suppressing physical urges doesn't seem natural.

Having said that I'm not exactly rolling in offers haha

[Joe]

Sharing the person I love? No thanks, could never cope with that.

[GoldenMerc]

I believe a human isn't created to be with just one women, every person has wondering eyes anyway. It's fine if both parties agree, if not, do it anyway [emoji108]


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[Kyle]

They can be very damaging, they're not really relationships unless each party is equally involved with one another imo. I have a friend who is very open sexually that had a girlfriend and sometimes I feel like though she consents to things, she doesn't feel the same way and only does so because she's too scared to lose him.

[buttons]

have thought of it in the past but now think that if i wanted to 'share' my partner or be 'shared' then im not with the person i want to be with, therefore what's the point on calling it a relationship? don't care if others do.

[lawrawrrr]

I believe a human isn't created to be with just one women, every person has wondering eyes anyway. It's fine if both parties agree, if not, do it anyway [emoji108]


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I actually agree with most of your post ;) just not the bit at the end. if someone's not ok with an open relationship then just don't do it IMO!

[-:Undertaker:-]

can't believe how many people here seemingly being okay with it.... well except for ross

it's well known amongst gays it is pretty common hence the much higher disease rates in that demographic. i'm not surprised at straight men either being for it given their instincts but i'm reallyyyyyy shocked at the girls on here saying they'd be okay with it.

[lawrawrrr]

can't believe how many people here seemingly being okay with it.... well except for ross

it's well known amongst gays it is pretty common hence the much higher disease rates in that demographic. i'm not surprised at straight men either being for it given their instincts but i'm reallyyyyyy shocked at the girls on here saying they'd be okay with it.
why? to the last bit?

[lemons]

no because there would always be a preference for one over the other

[Empired]

I actually agree with most of your post ;) just not the bit at the end. if someone's not ok with an open relationship then just don't do it IMO!
Same lol. I was thinking "wow I agree with something ross said! I can't believe this- oh" lmfao

Why is it unacceptable for a woman to be interested in polyamory but acceptable for a man? Don't understand that at all.

[dbgtz]

To be fair to Undertaker, he's not saying it's acceptable for men. He just thinks, in his eyes, women have more "sense" which means they wouldn't want it.

[lawrawrrr]

To be fair to Undertaker, he's not saying it's acceptable for men. He just thinks, in his eyes, women have more "sense" which means they wouldn't want it.
I didn't think he was saying the first bit at all, I'm just interested why he's particularly shocked that like, me and Alicia are OK with it!

[dbgtz]

I didn't think he was saying the first bit at all, I'm just interested why he's particularly shocked that like, me and Alicia are OK with it!

Why don't you think the first bit? It seems he expects it from men more so than women because penis (or, less crudely, biology) which I would disagree with personally, but without statistics it's all just meaningless rabble.

Having said that, the first line in his post seems to say something different to the second line.

[lawrawrrr]

Why don't you think the first bit? It seems he expects it from men more so than women because penis (or, less crudely, biology) which I would disagree with personally, but without statistics it's all just meaningless rabble.

Having said that, the first line in his post seems to say something different to the second line.
What I meant was I didn't think he was saying it's OK for men.

All I want to know is why he's particularly shocked that women would be open to it. I don't really see how gender has anything to do with it? I probably know more sexually aggressive women than I do men and don't really think men have such an "instinct" to want to have multiple partners any more than women :P

[dbgtz]

What I meant was I didn't think he was saying it's OK for men.

All I want to know is why he's particularly shocked that women would be open to it. I don't really see how gender has anything to do with it? I probably know more sexually aggressive women than I do men and don't really think men have such an "instinct" to want to have multiple partners any more than women :P

I won't put word in his mouth too much longer as I obviously don't actually know, but I assume it's down to biological stereotypes i.e. men want to spread genes (and also has a lot of testosterone which does have scientific links to aggressive behaviour I believe) and women wants to raise the child because maternal feeling.

I just want to be clear I don't personally care what consenting adults do in their own time.

[Empired]

I won't put word in his mouth too much longer as I obviously don't actually know, but I assume it's down to biological stereotypes i.e. men want to spread genes (and also has a lot of testosterone which does have scientific links to aggressive behaviour I believe) and women wants to raise the child because maternal feeling.

I just want to be clear I don't personally care what consenting adults do in their own time.

But that would just open up a huge debate about nature over nurture? For fear of sounding too much like a tumblr SJW I'll just say I don't think it's realistic in 2016 to generalise all women as maternal and therefore that they want to stick to one sexual/romantic partner.

[MKR&*42]

I don't particularly care if other people in the world do it, but it's not something I'd personally pursue.

[Empired]

Actually just out of interest what does everyone consider polyamorous relationships to actually be?

Everyone saying "no I couldn't possibly share the one I love" or "if you want to be with more than one person then it's not really love is it" isn't really how I see it at all (from my very limited knowledge of the subject, I should point out. I'm no expert and have no experience in the area at all, it's just something I thought was interesting). But you all seem to be saying it's like everyone has a finite amount of love they possess and that people can max out on love or something?
As far as I see it the more people you love the more love you have. And I don't just mean romantic relationships but familial, friendships, anything like that.

edit: ok great now I sound like a hippie and am embarrassing myself but I just idk
I guess it's just stuff that I've thought about - it may well be that I thought I'd be up for it but if the situation ever arose (highly unlikely lol) I'd actually be really uncomfortable in an open relationship. Who knows~

[dbgtz]

But that would just open up a huge debate about nature over nurture? For fear of sounding too much like a tumblr SJW I'll just say I don't think it's realistic in 2016 to generalise all women as maternal and therefore that they want to stick to one sexual/romantic partner.

It is probably, yes. I doubt there's ever been a poll regarding women being maternal, and a brief look turned nothing up, so who knows in that regard.
Perhaps looking at divorce rates and who "initiated" them would perhaps be the best way to show who's less tolerant of their other half when it comes to male/female marriage, but I can't imagine such statistics exist. Even if they did, there's so many more reasons people split beyond sex.

Ultimately, if there's no proof at all, then I don't believe it.

[-:Undertaker:-]

To be fair to Undertaker, he's not saying it's acceptable for men. He just thinks, in his eyes, women have more "sense" which means they wouldn't want it.

exactly.


I didn't think he was saying the first bit at all, I'm just interested why he's particularly shocked that like, me and Alicia are OK with it!

men usually think down there and women up there. :P


I won't put word in his mouth too much longer as I obviously don't actually know, but I assume it's down to biological stereotypes i.e. men want to spread genes (and also has a lot of testosterone which does have scientific links to aggressive behaviour I believe) and women wants to raise the child because maternal feeling.

I just want to be clear I don't personally care what consenting adults do in their own time.

exactly right again.

it's like in the animal kingdom too a lot of males compete for women and idea is to spread genes far and wide. survival instinct in the sex drive.

[lawrawrrr]

exactly.



men usually think down there and women up there. :P



exactly right again.

it's like in the animal kingdom too a lot of males compete for women and idea is to spread genes far and wide. survival instinct in the sex drive.

i think i understand the idea of what you're saying but i've never felt an urge to "spread my genes" and I don't even have a high sex drive so it's not that part of an open relationship i'd look for! I wouldn't say I get BORED of relationships or people but I do sometimes need a break and I do miss the excitement of a new thing developing so that's where my main definition of an open relationship is. But I do feel the need to say that I wouldn't consider it without consent of course, otherwise it is cheating (which is a whole other topic)

Although I'd be open to a triad relationship too, it just seems more relaxed, you can get away when you want but still have people to look after your significant other(s). I believe I could care deeply about two people in the same way so I'm open to it?

[RyRy]

I couldn't do it, I'm a pretty protective person over whoever I love so the idea that they were buggering with somebody else just makes me sick to the core.

I can see why others may do it, I mean essentially it's what people do already except what you're doing is putting a label on it of "open relationships" where others may just see it as hooking up from time to time and appreciating each others company... playing the field, so to say. (keep in mind i'm refering to single people who play the field loll)

I don't think there's many people who'd disagree you should put all your eggs in one basket in that respect, its just when you take it to the level of boyfriend and girlfriend and also saying you can have multiple bfs and gfs, thats just a wee bit weird.

[OldLoveSong]

i believe a relationship is between two people and thats that, nothin else to it