"It's Okay to Cry" - No it's Not!

[-:Undertaker:-]

I am so sick of it.

All the time now on Facebook or social media in general there's another post telling me that as a man, it's okay for me to cry. Or just a generic post about mental illness because now everybody is a clinical psychologist.

Piers Morgan got criticised because he criticised the idea that there's 34m people in Britain with mental illness. Fact is, even if there is, you shouldn't be encouraged to feel sorry for yourself or to cry over it. You should be encouraged to snap out of it and get on with life because it doesn't help people who are down to pander to them or to pretend their often overall meaningless problems are the problems of the world. They're not. Alright you feel bad about Y. Have a sulk/sleep it off and carry on.

I get down but I snap out of it when I realise that I need to get a grip of myself. And yeah sure you sink into it sometimes but you have to make an effort and carry on. Nobody in r/l knows I get so severely down so often and there's no need to share it or broadcast to the world. I get down, I get back up. Simple as. That's life. Not everyday is a great day.

I know i'm going to be slammed as being heartless yada yada right now but go ahead. Felt like throwing that grenade.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1leSItGRhy4

Thoughts?

[Charlie]

I disagree. I will do what you've said, if there is anything that is getting me down then I just deal with it and carry on with life. It's the same with anything really, if there is something to stress or worry over then I try not to dwell on it to much because everything will work out and letting it sit on my mind for ages doesn't solve anything. I know that not everyone is this way though, and everyone deals with things in a way that better suits them. My girlfriend, for example, is opposite to me in that sense. She has mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety which I imagine factor into it but that could be said for anyone. Everyone is going through their own problems, issues, feelings and they will deal with them in their own way. So, while you and me might just deal with it and carry on, others might need to take longer to get through what they are feeling and deal with it and I don't think that's a bad thing at all. I do also feel like society sometimes pushes this message that certain people and/or genders need to be stronger than others, need to handle things better than others and I don't agree with that either. Everyone should be allowed to handle things in their own way, at their own pace.

I don't think your opinion makes you heartless either because that's simply just how you feel, and because of that it might be harder for you to understand why someone else deals with things the way they do. I know it's been something that I've dealt with in the past and again, it's just that people handle things differently so to me, it seems silly to act that way but to them, it's just how they handle it.

[-:Undertaker:-]

Charlie;

Best way I find to get out of it is to distract myself with mundane things. Of course it's getting out of a rut that is the hardest part, but once you go force yourself up to go to work, or paint a fence, or clean a driveway - it's the best. Not fun but a distraction from it.

That's all you can do. The only other option is suicide which, contrary to what people always say about "suicide is not an option!" it really is. I don't understand how people are angry at people who have committed suicide, or how they can say it's selfish or whatever. Often it perhaps it the best option, which the person has obviously weighted the positives and negatives up to reach that conclusion.

[dbgtz]

While I also dislike people posting shit like that, I don't see how it's not OK to cry but is entirely OK to sulk?

Interesting you say:

Nobody in r/l knows I get so severely down so often and there's no need to share it or broadcast to the world.
because I believe the whole point of this "it's OK to cry" thing is that people (well, men) don't tend to share emotion in the first place which they link with the higher male suicide rate. So you've made a rather poor point here. But equally, I don't see how posts spreading the "message" will change some peoples perception on men crying.

At the end of the day, I don't care that much and I'm just procrastinating.

[FlyingJesus]

Forcing emotions down is the reason that men commit suicide in such enormous numbers. Having a bit of a weep is better than bottling things up until you go to an extreme. Posting it on Facebook all the time isn't the best way to get things out but if it genuinely helps the person then a minor annoyance is worth them not feeling alone

"Snap out of it" is not something that works when you have a genuine condition that affects the wiring of your brain and the way your body metabolises hormones. It's not so much heartless as just ignorant and unfeasible

[Neversoft]

Have a sulk/sleep it off and carry on

I get down but I snap out of it when I realise that I need to get a grip of myself

You are one single person person among some seven billion. The world does not revolve around or conform to you. Mental health is a real issue — some things you can't snap out of. Crying is an outlet, it's a natural response to pain and it's perfectly okay to cry. I've been going through a rough time this year (in fact, this is probably the worst year of my life — I can't think of a single happy moment) and have cried a lot. I need it — it's a wretched feeling to cry so much, but it's also strangely comforting. I've been through some real dark days, plagued by truly dismal thoughts, but if I bottled it all up I'd snap. I can't just 'get over' what I'm going through. Some people carry around acute pain for their entire lives. The mind is a tremendously complex and individualistic aspect of every living creature, especially humans. It can't be understood in a linear fashion — there are no right or wrong solutions. Tens of thousands of people literally kill themselves every year because they can't move on, fight the pain or make sense of their thoughts. What you've posted is terribly insensitive and displays a profound lack of understanding of mental health.

[-:Undertaker:-]

What you've posted is terribly insensitive and displays a profound lack of understanding of mental health.

That's why I posted it.

After all, you're a single person among some seven billion. The world does not revolve around or conform to you.

[FlyingJesus]

No but his experience is far more valid since it's showing that something can be the case which you're claiming cannot

[Neversoft]

That's why I posted it.

After all, you're a single person among some seven billion. The world does not revolve around or conform to you.

https://imgflip.com/s/meme/Captain-Picard-Facepalm.jpg

[-:Undertaker:-]

There there don't cry now over my 'insensitive' comments. You're not the only person entitled to a view on mental health.

Have a tissue x

https://s3-ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/wc-prod-pim/JPEG_1000x1000/KI04715KT_kleenex_ct24_klnx_facial_tissue_200sht_w hite.jpg

[lemons]

if only it was that easy to snap out of it

you should become minister for mental health in the new tory government im sure you would bring health and happiness to everyone

anyways that 34m statistic is obviously wrong but it would also be wrong to say that mental health isn't an urgent issue that affects a lot of ppl

thx for the tissue to wipe away my liberal tears :Cry:

[FlyingJesus]

It's not a view/opinion if it's provably wrong. Thought you'd have learned that by now, have said it so many times on here

[-:Undertaker:-]

if only it was that easy to snap out of it

It isn't easy to snap out of it nor do you ever fully snap out of it. But that's what you have to do.


you should become minister for mental health in the new tory government im sure you would bring health and happiness to everyone

anyways that 34m statistic is obviously wrong but it would also be wrong to say that mental health isn't an urgent issue that affects a lot of ppl

thx for the tissue to wipe away my liberal tears :Cry:

I'm liking that idea although i'd rather by Minister for Justice and personally bring back the death penalty x


It's not a view/opinion if it's provably wrong. Thought you'd have learned that by now, have said it so many times on here

Something isn't 'provably wrong' just by you declaring it so. Thought you'd of learned that by now.

[FlyingJesus]

It's provably wrong when there are people in this very thread proving it to be wrong with their own experience. Clinical depression is not just being in a bad mood, and it's not necessarily (or even usually) related to a particular situation which you can "get over", and even more ridiculous than saying so is that you've outright said it's not ok to show emotion, despite it being medically known to literally everyone in the world except for you that bottling up your feelings is bad for you.

There are things you can do to help yourself when you have depression, but you can't just say "nah not happening all is well" and be magically cured

[whoeful]

aw so much i wanted to say but flyingjesus has said most of it lol

- - - Updated - - -


[MENTION=20833]
That's all you can do. The only other option is suicide which, contrary to what people always say about "suicide is not an option!" it really is. I don't understand how people are angry at people who have committed suicide, or how they can say it's selfish or whatever. Often it perhaps it the best option, which the person has obviously weighted the positives and negatives up to reach that conclusion.


What the hell am i reading!!

[Gina]

Charlie;

Best way I find to get out of it is to distract myself with mundane things. Of course it's getting out of a rut that is the hardest part, but once you go force yourself up to go to work, or paint a fence, or clean a driveway - it's the best. Not fun but a distraction from it.

That's all you can do. The only other option is suicide which, contrary to what people always say about "suicide is not an option!" it really is. I don't understand how people are angry at people who have committed suicide, or how they can say it's selfish or whatever. Often it perhaps it the best option, which the person has obviously weighted the positives and negatives up to reach that conclusion.

wait so crying isnt ok but suicide is ?

[FlyingJesus]

Yes if you can't fix all your problems just by wishing you must kill yourself, anything to avoid the evil that is crying

[whoeful]

LMAO

[Gina]

bit fucked man let them tears out x only a bitta water dw

[Empired]

Preach it gina sister

[hungryfront]

That's why I posted it.

After all, you're a single person among some seven billion. The world does not revolve around or conform to you.
Neither you, sweetie.

https://youtu.be/kVDzh04aHtI

It's like telling someone with cancer to suck it up and get on with it. They physically can not help it. It could kill them.

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Also let me remind you that people shouldn't be classified based on what organs they have. Let me say it very clearly so you conservatives understand: YOUR SEXUAL ORGANS DO NOT EFFECT YOUR BRAIN OR EMOTIONS.

Got it? If you need me to explain it, feel free to DM me as I know you have trouble understanding things x

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Posts merged by Charlie (Forum Moderator): Please do not double post, thanks.

[scottish]

I think you're trying to overcompensate due to the fact you're gay and you're viewing crying as a sign of femininity.

Just my 2 cents.



but yeah this whole thread is just as ******ed as one would expect.

[lawrawrrr]

"Life sucks, deal with it"

Yeah to some extent I agree with this, but if a cry helps you why shouldn't you have a cry?? Doesn't harm anyone does it :@

some people are lucky enough to not have any serious mental health issues so great for you, some people like me are able to develop coping mechanisms to get on with a "normal" life (high-functioning 5eva) but what you clearly dont grasp with your wonderful "snap out of it" comment is that it can profoundly impact someone's life so much that even if they're DESPERATE to leave the house and have a social life etc they can't physically get themselves out to do it? I used to think it was a joke and who can't force themselves to get up (like you say) but that is being lucky, being high functioning. I've had a couple of episodes myself when the fear of something was so crippling that I physically had no energy to get up/couldn't mentally get myself to leave my front door.


anyway yes basically I love what Neversoft; has already said that's just fab

[Martin]

Different things work for different people, we are all different and have individual differences. To some people, having a good cry helps them to get over things and is a coping mechanism. It's a way of expressing emotion rather than keeping it in, which can be a good thing sometimes. It's alright to tell yourself to "get over it" but half the time you probably won't be over it and the problem will just get worse until you break much much harder. It sounds easy enough in practice, and I'm sure if it was that simple everyone would do it and there would be no sadness in the world, but conditioning yourself like that is not easy at all to some people. It's a natural response really and people shouldn't be told it's not okay.

[Neversoft]

There there don't cry now over my 'insensitive' comments. You're not the only person entitled to a view on mental health.

Have a tissue x

Oh, you do make me laugh. Sometimes I wonder if you're just a troll — you can't possibly be so ignorant. I particularly enjoyed when you used my exact words against me, like it made some fancy counterpoint, but rather it reinforces the individuality of the mind, which is what you're arguing against. Good job, there.

As for your follow-up, do you really have nothing better to say? Apparently I'm a little baby — a lesser person because I cry and you don't — but you always seem so reluctant to compose a proper counterargument. You act like some rock hard, dogmatic maestro, but you just come across as defensive to me.

It really seems you haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about, but stay in your bubble if it makes you happy. You're insensitive, but I'm personally not offended by anything you say. Honestly, it's just amusing. I'd really like to see you tell somebody with PTSD to sleep it off.


I don't actually regard depression as an illness, just a normal human emotion aka sadness that we go through periods with or many years with. Some can deal with it, others can't. IMHO anyway.

You used to be so bright.

[wixard]

undertaker gets off on going against the grain, nothing to see here

[lawrawrrr]

wait you think depression is sadness

do you realise that that is literaly physically completely untrue

it's down to how your body produces levels of hormones


I genuinely think the real issue here (shocker) is that dan has a misunderstanding of what depression and other MH issues are and just equates the closest thing he has in his life (feeling a bit sad) to that, and projects that on everyone else. And is too closed-minded to listen to what... well everyone else in this thread is saying to open his mind to something different. Just because you haven't experienced something, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

[Samantha]

On 1st May, a local 16/17 year old college student who a lot of my Facebook friends knew (either by knowing him personally, or going to the same high school/college as him) took his life because he was constantly being bullied by a group of people for years, calling him attention seeking, telling him they were glad he was dead, saying the pictures he showed of his self harming scars were for attention and next time he should cut deeper because he clearly didn't do a good enough job the first time. Should he have just got over it? He put on a front and appeared happy, he had a relationship and a lot of friends who liked him and was a true friend to him but the negativity outweighed the positive factors of his life, see that's what happens when someone can't come out and say what's wrong, or can't come up with coping mechanisms, they get pushed and pushed until the edge. Keeping it all bottled up to him was the option, and it got to the point where he couldn't take it anymore. He committed suicide, was that better than crying to someone, or just being able to talk to them? A lad lost his life because of depression and bullying, he couldn't just snap out of it.

[Empired]

Ok except what if you don't have mental health issues but something really shitty just happens. Is that different or should I still just brush it off?

[Prosiary]

You are literally the most idiotic person I've seen on here, and that's hard to beat. Do you even have an understanding of MH properly? Or did you post this to annoy everyone like you post everything you absolute moronic fucktard. I wish it was real easy to "snap out" of my mental illness, i fucking wish it was, you know how hard it is?

If you truly know what it felt like to have mental illness' then you wouldn't post this as you would know how debilitating it is.

There's a huge stigma to everything surrounding mental health, and people like you just add to it and it's not needed.

I would of said more but most have said what I wanted to say.

[whoeful]

On 1st May, a local 16/17 year old college student who a lot of my Facebook friends knew (either by knowing him personally, or going to the same high school/college as him) took his life because he was constantly being bullied by a group of people for years, calling him attention seeking, telling him they were glad he was dead, saying the pictures he showed of his self harming scars were for attention and next time he should cut deeper because he clearly didn't do a good enough job the first time. Should he have just got over it? He put on a front and appeared happy, he had a relationship and a lot of friends who liked him and was a true friend to him but the negativity outweighed the positive factors of his life, see that's what happens when someone can't come out and say what's wrong, or can't come up with coping mechanisms, they get pushed and pushed until the edge. Keeping it all bottled up to him was the option, and it got to the point where he couldn't take it anymore. He committed suicide, was that better than crying to someone, or just being able to talk to them? A lad lost his life because of depression and bullying, he couldn't just snap out of it.

honestly think i know who ur talking about, such a sad day!! rip x

[despect]

How anyone can say "snap out of it" is beyond me. How can you expect to snap out of it? I mean there's a lot of emotional things out there that make you feel depressed. Just because you're able to snap out of it and get on with life doesn't mean everyone else can. People deal with different situations in different ways, what upsets you might not upset other people, same goes for the other way around too.

It IS okay to cry because often crying is an outlet and it may not make people feel better but it's a natural reaction to situations that people may find themselves in.

Either way you have your opinion and I personally feel like it's wrong but I'm not going to personally attack you because you have a different opinion to Myself or other people. Freedom of speech and all of that.

[xxMATTGxx]

Yes it's okay to cry, anyone who says otherwise is a moron and should never be listened to for advice whatsoever.

[-:Undertaker:-]

I knew this thread would provoke predictable responses but some good ones too. I wasn't wrong, a fun read.

Some interesting responses from Laura, despect, Samanfa but then some overly dramatic and close-minded ones from hungryfront, Neversoft and xxMATTGxx or just plain wrong guesswork like scottish. A lot are confusing my general stance on depression and being down with the very severe cases which were mentioned where somebody literally shuts down, like PTSD. That's obviously in another category. My issue is with the increasing babyfication of society and men in particular.

My view is that you don't make people stronger by simply telling them it is okay to cry. Like has been said, life sucks and the only person who can drag yourself out of any low is yourself. There really is no point feeling sorry for yourself. There seems to be an increasing move now to have society 'let it all hang out' but I am not so sure this actually helps anybody but rather does the reverse and makes us feel more sorry for ourselves.

[Joe]

I knew this thread would provoke predictable responsesd

https://image.prntscr.com/image/31038e8c558f48b3ab041a109e13f1ef.png

Yep, thought so.

I am lucky enough not to have to deal with any MH related issue in my life yet but know that as a man it is perfectly acceptable for me to be able to cry as much as I want and deal with it in my own way. Credit to those who spoke out. UT please just stick to current affairs because I genuinely quite like reading your news breakdowns. I don't really see why you felt your opinion was neccesary for this though? Be proud of the fact you can suck things up and deal with things so rationally and quickly but be also ok with the fact others can't and change your prejudice views to supportive ones, maybe?

[hungryfront]

I knew this thread would provoke predictable responses but some good ones too. I wasn't wrong, a fun read.

Some interesting responses from Laura, despect, Samanfa but then some overly dramatic and close-minded ones from hungryfront, Neversoft and xxMATTGxx or just plain wrong guesswork like scottish. A lot are confusing my general stance on depression and being down with the very severe cases which were mentioned where somebody literally shuts down, like PTSD. That's obviously in another category. My issue is with the increasing babyfication of society and men in particular.

My view is that you don't make people stronger by simply telling them it is okay to cry. Like has been said, life sucks and the only person who can drag yourself out of any low is yourself. There really is no point feeling sorry for yourself. There seems to be an increasing move now to have society 'let it all hang out' but I am not so sure this actually helps anybody but rather does the reverse and makes us feel more sorry for ourselves.
Your genitals don't have anything to do with your brain, stop making things up. Can't tell if you're being stupid on purpose at this point.

Conservative literally translates to close minded and not willing to try new things.

And, instead of using guesswork, use some research. Crying kills bacteria and improves vision, sweetie.

Have a tissue x

[FlyingJesus]

Your genitals don't have anything to do with your brain

Yeah they do


Conservative literally translates to close minded and not willing to try new things.

No it doesn't

It's easy enough to counter Dan's claims without making up nonsense, this sort of spew doesn't help

[hungryfront]

Yeah they do



No it doesn't

It's easy enough to counter Dan's claims without making up nonsense, this sort of spew doesn't help
Explain how they do?

And, the definition of conservative is:

a person who is averse to change and holds traditional values.

So yes, it is.

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[FlyingJesus]

hurr durr what is hormones

And conservative in a political sense is not the same thing as conservative in a personal sense

[_spirit]

I've just read this thread and it's a whole lot of shit it is ok to cry -:Undertaker:-; are you being stupid or just doing this on purpose to annoy people???


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[Neversoft]

When Undertaker calls you close-minded

https://media0.giphy.com/media/fjXSwNcLyADjG/giphy.gif