my friend needs a bit of help

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14-09-2006, 09:11 PM
WHANGFACE

my friend needs a bit of help

yeah and its not a stupid thing where its really me that needs help and im just covering it up by saying its a friend. really, my best mate needs help.

ok, well he has a girlfriend yeah, and they been going out for about... 6 months id say? maybe a little bit less, maybe about 4. but anyway... he keeps telling me that he gets very paranoid and nervous, and not the little stupid kind. he keeps thinking hes gunna get dumped, and this is like his firsrt ever proper relationship. he said he really loves her, and it does show. theyre perfect together. but he always feels insecure, that she might sway away and cheat on him or somthing along those sorta lines. and he gets all paranoid and he has sorta lost his self confidence, he tells me that like, he doiesnt get any sleep at night as hes constantly worrying, and at school hes always really nervous.. and its really not like him.

i just need people to give him some advice, and when i get some replies ill link him here, and he will reply himself n stuff.

thanks for reading<3
14-09-2006, 09:15 PM
Ostinato

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juggle

yeah and its not a stupid thing where its really me that needs help and im just covering it up by saying its a friend. really, my best mate needs help.

ok, well he has a girlfriend yeah, and they been going out for about... 6 months id say? maybe a little bit less, maybe about 4. but anyway... he keeps telling me that he gets very paranoid and nervous, and not the little stupid kind. he keeps thinking hes gunna get dumped, and this is like his firsrt ever proper relationship. he said he really loves her, and it does show. theyre perfect together. but he always feels insecure, that she might sway away and cheat on him or somthing along those sorta lines. and he gets all paranoid and he has sorta lost his self confidence, he tells me that like, he doiesnt get any sleep at night as hes constantly worrying, and at school hes always really nervous.. and its really not like him.

i just need people to give him some advice, and when i get some replies ill link him here, and he will reply himself n stuff.

thanks for reading<3

Okay well, if he's in a relationship with someone who he really cares for etc. and it's serious - he needs to trust her. Trust is one of the main keys to a succesful relationship, and he just needs to accept the fact that she won't run off. If she does, then of course it'll be heart breaking etc. - but why worry about that until you need to?

I say he needs to start enjoying himself, and his time with her more, rather than constantly panicking that she's going to go off. It isn't healthy for himself or the relationship in general.

There's no real 'cure' or anything to this, he just needs to re-assure himself that he can trust this girl, and that she likes him and respects him enough not to go off. If he can't do this, then there might be deeper issues involved which are triggering his insecurities, which he should bring up with this girlfriend and discuss so shes aware of the situation.
14-09-2006, 09:18 PM
WHANGFACE

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ostinato

Okay well, if he's in a relationship with someone who he really cares for etc. and it's serious - he needs to trust her. Trust is one of the main keys to a succesful relationship, and he just needs to accept the fact that she won't run off. If she does, then of course it'll be heart breaking etc. - but why worry about that until you need to?

I say he needs to start enjoying himself, and his time with her more, rather than constantly panicking that she's going to go off. It isn't healthy for himself or the relationship in general.

There's no real 'cure' or anything to this, he just needs to re-assure himself that he can trust this girl, and that she likes him and respects him enough not to go off. If he can't do this, then there might be deeper issues involved which are triggering his insecurities, which he should bring up with this girlfriend and discuss so shes aware of the situation.

To the underlined bit first, I keep telling him this, & he's even said that he would trust her with her life, but he feels so insecure and hes just totally clueless about what he needs to do, coz atm he has been pretty down, and its been effecting his relationship a little. like tonight for example. we were all out, myles [my friend] was like.. really quiet. its unusual for any of my mates to be quiet. and then his girlfriend got really down about it.. and it turned pretty sad. then myles felt like crap because hayley [his girlfriend] did. and like on the way back i was talking to him, and he kept saying he felt like crying, he just wanted it to all go away..

sorry to seem if im rambling, just wanna try and help him.
14-09-2006, 09:55 PM
Ostinato

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juggle

To the underlined bit first, I keep telling him this, & he's even said that he would trust her with her life, but he feels so insecure and hes just totally clueless about what he needs to do, coz atm he has been pretty down, and its been effecting his relationship a little. like tonight for example. we were all out, myles [my friend] was like.. really quiet. its unusual for any of my mates to be quiet. and then his girlfriend got really down about it.. and it turned pretty sad. then myles felt like crap because hayley [his girlfriend] did. and like on the way back i was talking to him, and he kept saying he felt like crying, he just wanted it to all go away..

sorry to seem if im rambling, just wanna try and help him.

Not at all. :]

Okay well, he needs to take a look at this and the whole situation. His whole paranoya is causing a rift between him and his girlfriend already, and if it continues then he will lose her - but it will be his own fault!

You can't live life, wondering 'what if' all the time, and being afraid of things that MIGHT happen. You just need to take thing's as they come, and hope for the best. Whats the point in him living life so depressed about this all the time, so much that he can't even enjoy himself or enjoy spending time with the girl?!

It's honestly just a case of 'chin up' and getting on with things and seeing how they turn out, rather than pondering on what might happened.
14-09-2006, 11:03 PM
Memmish

i think he should tell her his worries im sure she will reassure him that she loves him aswell, which will boost his confidence. His worrying is obviously really affecting him and the best bet is just to be truthful, tell her he loves her so much and is scared of losing her and see what she says x
15-09-2006, 05:15 PM
WhatDidIdoNow?

If he does lose her it'll be his own fault.
15-09-2006, 08:39 PM
sl4rt

Get one of her friends and make her hide a microphone and asks her stuff ? :p