depressing poem idea. (:

ye i like writing poems and ive never posted one here sorry it abit rubbish o.o soz im depressing LOL

you did this to me

i sit her now knife in my hand,
you say you do, but you dont understand,
no one knows the pain thats inside,
no one knows the true feeling behind,
and my tanted heart cant hold on anymore,
dont you understand that its you i lived for?
you turned your back on me, erased me from your life,
because of you, my future only lies with this knife,
so ill take my last breathe, always you on my mind,
and ill watch you run in through the door from behind,
youll sit by my body and cry through the pain,
and i hope to god that you will feel the shame,
and ill whisper from above, 5 words that ill choke,
and forever the words will echo that i had spoke,


you did this to me

As emotive as that was, it's actually a pretty good poem.

(: ty xx
ill post more tomorow if i remember :p
some are proper depressing
cause im a sick child LOL

Some of it didn't actually make sense, especially the last line. There were quite a few spelling mistakes, and I feel that you tried to hard to make the poem rhyme, as some of the language just seems too out-of-place, nonsensical, and clumsy.

You need to refrain from using commas at the end of each line, and focus more on the structure of your poem, for example, the short lines into the long lines, as well as perhaps use some full-stops and segregate your words into stanzas rather than just a chunk of baffling text.

theres 1 spelling mistake and thats tainted the rest is fine o.o unless you mean when i used dont instead of don't etc. but i never type using 's on the net cause i have to press that key about 20 times before it comes out

what parts of it dont make any sence, the last line is meant to be out of place cause its like seperate to the poem to stand out

i learnt at school to use commas at the end of each line in a poem and to not use full-stops it has no stanzas as its a short poem which all link into one, i only use stanzas to seperate different sections of a poem when it jumps to a different thing

its meant to appear slightly confusing cause the persons commiting suicide, they arent going to be 100 percent happy and 100 percent focused?

im still in school and im not that old so im not going to be some amazing poet its just my feelings written into a poem

but thanks for your comments you could of said one good thing about it though >.>

This sort of poem never impresses me, the focus of it is based on a single emotion which gives it a generic and one-dimentional feel. Try writing something more original: break the mold of the depressed teen style of writing and go for something more (for lack of a better word) poetic.

my poems express my emotions - &as someone who suffers from depression its my way of letting out my feelings.

Nice poem, Sorta sums up how i felt. +REP

Sorry but sometimes feeling down doesn't make you depressed, and it's misconceptions like that which make people with real clinical depression not always get the help or support that they need.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FlyingJesus

Sorry but sometimes feeling down doesn't make you depressed, and it's misconceptions like that which make people with real clinical depression not always get the help or support that they need.

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i actually do suffer from it o.o
i have counsiling &stuff because of it
i lost alot of people at a young age and it messed my head up (y)
but im not here to attention seek and i probably seem bare attention seeking by it but im nott (: but i have help so im better then i used to be (:

&ty to sunny.
xo