Dream Team: The (Very, Very Short) Movie Screenplay
I know that probably no one is going to bother to read this, but I thought I'd post it anyway... just in case. This is the screenplay that I wrote for the short comedy film Dream Team: The (Very, Very Short) Movie that was produced and directed by my good self. This isn't formatted as it should be as I couldn't write it in its 100% true format using the tools on here, thus it couldn't be pasted... so I just spent ages writing it all out from paper, so please read and review! Cheers!
Dream Team: The (Very, Very Short) Movie
Written by
Adam Kelly
FADE IN:
1. INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
We slowly scan through a dark and empty corridor to an eerie musical score. We stop briefly in front of a door and with no sign of a HAND, it opens. Another door is on the other side and we stay before it for a couple of beats, before like the first, it is opened.
2. INT. CHANGING ROOM - SAME DAY
On the other side of the door is what we make out to be a changing room, with what looks, from their clothing, to be a sports team, laid out all over the room. We assume that the team is in fact dead. Out of nowhere, a light comes on and brightens the room, followed by a loud banging. The chilling music ends abruptly and the team suddenly get up and start to stretch, before sitting on the BENCHES.
EXTREME CLOSE UP OF
A football in the corner of the room.
FOCUS ON
A male who is more formally dressed, we make him out to be the MANAGER of the sports team. He is hitting a whiteboard with a ruler, hence the banging. On the whiteboard is a DIAGRAM of a football pitch with annotations of tactics. "DREAM TEAM :)" is also written on the board.
MANAGER
(in the most camp voice imaginable)
Wakey, wakey boys, or should I say... the Dream Team! Today is big match time, so... are you ready to rumble!?
The team look at each other, still half-asleep. Some members shrug and some simply grunt.
MANAGER (CONT'D)
That isn't the Dream Team spirit!
(dramatically throws the ruler to the ground)
What's wrong with you boys!? This is no time for sleeping! If you can't take in our match tactics, how can you expect to
(making a 'w' with his hands)
win, win, WIN!? Come on, outside!
(overly happy expression and tone)
Time to get those bodies warmed up!
The Dream Team look disappointed, but they leave the changin room anyway. The final player out the door is hit on the backside by the Manager and his RULER, who chases him out the door.
CUT TO:
3. INT. CORRIDOR - SAME DAY
The Dream Team are jogging through the corridor after leaving the changing room with the Manager skipping closely behind. They exit through an open door, but one of the last players out, RICHARD, paces face-first right into a second door that is shut. He falls back comically as if knocked unconscious.
FADE TO:
4. EXT. EMPTY PAVING - SAME DAY
CAMERA STATIC AND PRONE ON
The wide and empty area. Three pairs of legs suddenly appear in front of us and strut forward. As they walk further away from us, more than just legs are revealed: three women clad in revealing clothing, made up like DOLLS, and all carrying packed full shopping bags from TESCO. They continue to "strut their stuff" until their bodies are completely visible. They dramatically stop, backs still turned to us.
CAMERA FAST FORWARD TO
The women as we reach them close up. They all turn to face us in a rediculous Charlie's Angels-esque pose. One of their shopping bags goes flying, products falling all over the place. The females casually turn to each other.
THE WAG ONE
(slow, seductive tone)
That ladies is what you call... shopping.
THE WAG TWO
(sarcastic)
No sh-
THE WAG ONE
(interrupting the expletive)
Shopping is what we ladies to best.
THE WAG THREE
As well as taking... good care of our soccer studs, of course!
THE WAG TWO
Speaking of our gorgeous husbands-
THE WAG ONE
(interrupting once again; The Wag Two looks annoyed)
They should be hard at work training for their big match this afternoon!
5. INT. CHANGING ROOM - SAME DAY
The Dream Team are lazing about, DRINKING ALCOHOL and cheering on teammate STEVE, who is failing badly at tricks with a football. They are all enjoying themselves, and the Manager is nowhere to be seen. There is POP MUSIC blaring in the background.
FADE TO:
6. EXT. OUTSIDE MAIN BUILDING - SAME DAY
The Manager has a look of concern on his face. A male approaches him, dressed in similarly formal attire, but looking even more camp, with a black neckerchief. He walks over an in almost tip-toed prance.
SADDAM
(with a voice equally as camp as the Manager's)
Oh look. is that... is that the pre-existing knowledge of defeat that I see on your face?
We realise that he is the opposition's manager.
MANAGER
No... no, some woman hit me the other day becauase I recommended her a nose-job. Stupid bit*h, I was looking out for her best interests.
SADDAM
(wearing a different coloured neckerchief)
Jeeze Louise, some people, eh!
(remembering the topic of conversation and clearing his throat, but failing to make any audible difference)
Why even bother with this match? You know that I know... that you know that I... you know... that... err...
The Manager looks puzzles, but nods in agreement anyway.
SADDAM
(wearing yet another different neckerchief)
Well, to put it simply, YOUR team is going to lose to MY team!
Saddam prances off as we --
FADE TO:
7. EXT. FOOTBALL PITCH - SAME DAY
A whistle blows and the match begins! Enter a fast-paced and dramatic score.
1) The opposition takes control of the ball from the kick-off
2) He passes it hesistantly to a teammate
3) The teammate passes it to another straight away
4) Another quick pass, but this time to a member of the Dream Team. Nobody wants possession of the ball
FOCUS ON
The three wags cheering on the sidelines, their TESCO bags on the ground.
THE WAG THREE
Come on The Dream Team, let's go!
THE WAG ONE
(screaming like a banshee)
Aaron! Come on Aaron! Win the match! Do it! NOW! AARON!!!
FOCUS ON
AARON, who passes the ball away and looks in the direction of his wife, The Wag Three.
AARON
(seriously annoyed and shouting)
I CAN'T WIN WHEN YOU'RE BLOODY SCREAMING AT ME, WOMAN!
We suddenly witness the ball roll over to Richard who stops it and then takes a couple of steps backwards.
FOCUS ON
The opposition's goal. It's wide open, the goalkeeper is sunbathing.
EXTREME CLOSE UP OF
Richard's eyes. They are determined and locked on the net.
ZOOM OUT TO CLOSE UP OF
Richard's face. WIth reference to JAWS --
RICHARD
Smile, you son of a-
SLOW MOTION CLOSE UP OF
His foot kicking the ball with great impact, expletive blocked by the ball being hit, like the explosion in the aforementioned film.
CAMERA FOLLLOWS
The ball soaring through the air still in slow motion.
MANAGER (O.S.)
(in a tense kind of amazement, with his voice growing stronger towards the end of the ball's flight)
Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
We snap out of the effect as the football abruptly hits the post and bounces back off. We see rewound footage of the ball in the air, and then it smacks Richard right in the face, knocking him down, unconscious.
CUT TO
The Manager.
MANAGER (CONT'D)
(look of anger on his face, throwing his clenched fist through the air)
DAMN!
CUT TO:
The opposition's manager, Saddam, who turns to face the Dream Team's manager.
SADDAM
Yes?
CLOSE UP OF
The Wag Two. She is in despair.
THE WAG TWO
(extremely upset)
MY HUSBAND! RICHARD!
She drops one of her TESCO bags, it hits the floor and in a reference to The Godfather trilogy --
SLOW MOTION FOCUS ON
Oranges roll out onto the pitch, signalling imminent disaster. Back with the slow motion effect we --
CUT TO:
Steve, who gets thunderously SLIDE-TACKLED by opposing team member, GEOFF. He goes crashing to the ground in a violent manner.
MANAGER
WHAT THE! What a hard tackle!
The Manager looks slightly aroused by hs last two words, he raises an eyebrow.
SADDAM
(disgusted and dramatic)
Oh... my... God. Are you accusing my team of cheating!?
They take a step towards each other and stare face-to-face.
MANAGER
Maybe I am, sister!
SADDAM
Well then... screw... YOU!
Saddam slaps the Manager round the face. Both quickly engage in a slapping war, where they flop their hands about like performing seals.
The wags run into the pitch. One of them smashes their shopping bags over a member of the opposition's heads. A brawl breaks out, fighting everywhere! It is the wags and The Dream Team versus the cheating opposition! Complete carnage ensues.
CUT TO:
Saddam, who is on the ground being choked out by the Manager, who is taking advantage of his neckerchief.
CLOSE UP OF
The oranges from The Wag Two's shopping bag. Suddenly ADAM crashes onto them in a messy impact, but gets up straight away.
THE CAMERAMAN
(perplexed)
Who are you?
ADAM
(picking crushed orange off himself)
I wrote this stuff... and I can out of characters, so I thought I'd throw myself into these oranges for dramatic effect. Who are you?
THE CAMERAMAN
I'm shooting this "stuff".
ADAM
Oh, right. Well, the more the merrier.
Adam goes to hit The Cameraman but instead gets kicked in the gut. The camera goes to the ground as if dropped, static. We see The Cameraman and Adam fighting amongst the crushed oranges, as well as The Dream Team and the wags in a violent battle against the opposing team as we --
FADE TO BLACK.
