♠ [Untitled Poem] ♠

Mother Mary is in front of me,
Stone cold eyes that couldn't see,
I seek her advice, I seek it all !
She doesn't do nothing, she stands up tall..

Your like an angel sent from above,
No money or gifts can buy your love,
But one day I hope you'll see me,
And then I'll know it was really meant to be..

Please see me, I see you,
I really want you to like me too,
Please, please notice me,
Don't make me shut myself up with the key..

Denial from you is like a freezing blizzard,
Even worse than getting bitten by a lizard,
I'm begging you, please don't walk away,
I love you, and I want you to stay..



Please rate, and I would appreciate comments :) <3

Quote:

---

Denial from you is like a freezing blizzard,
Even worse than getting bitten by a lizard,

---

You have tried to hard to make that part rhyme. But no worries, the poem is lovely. It may not seem deep to some people, but i understand it so much, i relate to it.
9/10, can i try and alter that line?

Denial from you is like the touch of ice,
Like it's you're own deadly device.

That took me two seconds, it's not very good. But o well.
Love Dan
xxx

I don't get it :s

and yeah Skibs. is right you made that try to rhyme..

don't really like that part.

I give it.. 6/10 I guess cause I feel nice today.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Skibs.

You have tried to hard to make that part rhyme. But no worries, the poem is lovely. It may not seem deep to some people, but i understand it so much, i relate to it.
9/10, can i try and alter that line?

Denial from you is like the touch of ice,
Like it's you're own deadly device.

That took me two seconds, it's not very good. But o well.
Love Dan
xxx

---

Thanks for the comment, and yes I found it hard to make that line ryhme, thanks for your suggestion on how to make it better ;)


Frozen, thanks for your comment and rating, would it have been 3/10 on a bad day ? :p

I'll change that "lizard, blizzard" line, thanks :)