Originally Posted by
buttons
how often do you find that OTHER people annoy you by talking to you? its most likely only people who constantly talk to you when you make it obvious that you don't want to talk by not replying or just replying with "k" "no" etc. i've had this problem before and all that happens is you're too scared to do anything at all, you keep yourself closed off because you're worried of the consequences that you end up looking like you don't want to talk to anyone. by doing this, your body language shows off so much negativity and tells others you don't want anyone close by. how can anyone possibly like you if you don't let them in in the first place? it's a vicious cycle but think of it this way;
you walk into a room of new people. there is one friendly, open person who will make you feel comfortable and easy to talk to. there will be another closed off person who makes it seem as though they don't want anyone near them and makes others feel uneasy. this in turn makes you feel like nobody actually does want to talk you and that's exactly what you'll get. like in my school you'd get #1 an unattractive, overweight person but he'd be funny and confident and thus people liked him #2 an unattractive, overweight person with no confidence/rarely talk and would become a bully victim because they wouldn't do/say anything back #3 attractive, confident, popular people #4 attractive people with no confidence who wouldn't be as popular as the other attractive ones. i believe it comes down to how you portray yourself. just have some belief in yourself and if it goes all wrong, at least you tried your best. better that than not try and just miss out.
also you have such a negative though pattern which i can relate to too. you constantly make up excuses for yourself such as "i expect i'm annoying you" so if anyone does say "you're annoying me" you can just say "well, i already said so". i expect that i do annoy people, hell i KNOW i do and sometimes i'm consumed by the thought that they'll tell me i'm annoying and start to hate on me so i end up pushing everyone else away and going into my own little bubble to give them 'space' from me. that's okay time to time but if you're doing this for people who you don't care about or who don't care about you, it's pointless. not everyone is going to like you and you don't need to impress everyone. so if someone says "you're annoying" or whatever else, why bother with them? why do you want to be friends or impress such a person anyway? focus on those who do count and won't push you away or belittle you. you'll find most of the time, people won't even say this to you (not to your face :P) so why fear it until it actually happens? if it does, you ignore it. carry on.
you're giving yourself excuses so you can't get hurt but at the end of the day, i believe you are what you believe you are. you're going to annoy some people whether it's from being yourself (which you aren't doing, as you're too afraid to) or for not saying anything at all. it's much better to voice your opinion and be hated for it because we all have the right to be included and have our opinions heard no matter what you think or others tell you. after all, we're social creatures and like it or not - we need each other for so many things. we all have our good points which will contribute to society (other than yknow, criminals), that's the beauty of having a variety of people with different personality traits.
if you don't mention how 'annoying' you are, no-one will notice. if you don't BELIEVE it, then people won't believe it either. if you constantly show lack of confidence and continually say to people "oh i must be so annoying" i'm fairly sure they will get annoyed with it. & i know how hard it is to break out of that because our thoughts are so powerful that we believe them. but if you can believe you're annoying, you can also make yourself believe you're worthy of talking other people, which you most definitely are. don't let a few people ruin it for you.
for what it's worth, i've spoke to you a few times and you've never annoyed me at all. i sometimes just leave conversations hanging because I don't want to be the last person to reply or the person to be annoying ;) also there's no problem with being a 'loner' or being friends with only a few people. i have people i talk to but i call 3 of them my real friends and those 3 are the only 3 i open up to. and that's fine. but if you want to be more sociable and make more friends, you have to put yourself out there and show that to the world instead of giving up before you even tried.
and yknow what? my long posts probably annoy the **** out of people. and i'm not gonna apologize for it. so don't apologize for having problems. don't ever apologize for being yourself, especially not to people who don't matter. next time, fight the urge to say it. if its on the internet, simply rub it out. if you have a message you want to give people, then give it and don't worry about what they personally think of you. chances are they don't really care :P people care more about how they're coming across rather than another person.
