depressed is hurtful

Here is what I go through every day. Since my grandmother died in May 2002 from a heart attack I had a huge depression during school. I was in grade 6 and 12 years old, only 1 month before my birthday that she passed away. I was in a deep depression that I have tried many ways to let my self go and join her. She was close to me since I was young.

I seem fine but what went through in my head was worst than what it seems. Mom was giving me money for lunch at school and never used it for the rest of the school year because I said to myself I will find a way to go and join her. I know this may seem stupid to do this or even think of suicide but when everything goes wrong around you it seems nothing exist any more. During this, I felt very sick but never said anything until my best friend found me in the bathroom floor passed out. They have sent me to the hospital and spent 12 days in the hospital hooked up because I was badly ill. The doctor told me I was having a depression. I have been taking anti depressants since 2002 and I cannot seem to be able to get off them or I know it will start all over again.

I am very grateful to have had my best friend and family that had actually noticed in time xx and I am actually happy to still be part of this world. Also I am super happy to have like a second family here at Habbox. :) Thank you very much for being there for me~ :)



Rachel ~~

Depression is such a crippling condition. You mustn't feel sad about your loss, but feel proud to have known your grandmother. She wouldn't want you to feel sadness after all that time you spent together making both of you happy.

I found ways to occupy my time and channel this energy into something positive. I found that making a small remembrance garden was a good way to remember those that are no longer with us. It doesn't have to be extraordinary, a small patch will do or simply buy a small plant they liked. It just has to be something you enjoy and take your mind off of the dark thoughts, and think of positives such as the future and the memories.

Sooner or later, it does improve. Your reliance on anti-depressants will disappear, but being on them isn't bad and you should not worry about them. Just focus on thinking positively. We're all here to help, one way or another :)

Thank you very much xx

I feel almost the same if not the same :/ Except, I would never think of sucide because my brother tried that once and I know how much it can hurt those around you. Ever since my Dad died, I live in an everlasting dreamworld type of thing. Basically, I go around doing what I always do but it doesn't feel real. It's like I stopped feeling real when my Dad died. My mood goes up and down like a yo-yo. I have a few days of feeling great that go into a sad hazy mood that makes my heart feel dull and heavy. It also feels like everything takes extra effort to do and if I could get away with it, I would probably stay in bed all the time when im feeling like that but my mother would notice it therefore I go on auto pilot mode.

I know how you feel racheal , its a very hard time to go through, I can relate.
I'm always here if you want a chat :) don't worry though life get better

I will eventually get rid of these pills but it's been since 2002 and we are in 2013, I highly doubt it :/

Thank Abbie and others for your support xx