boyfriends flatmate interfering in relationship

my boyfriend recently moved in with his friend (by friend i mean someone he's known of for a few years) which we both thought was a good idea - closer to work etc - however we realise now it's a bad idea

she expects so much more than just an extra person in the house who pays rent (which is effectively all he is) she assumes without asking that she can get a lift to work every day despite it being out the way for him, she expects trips to the supermarket at the drop of a hat, she expects to join us everywhere we go, she constantly asks us questions such as where we are and what time we will be back, i feel like when she asks questions about what we're doing she will use the information to her advantage and plan things around it so she can get taken somewhere or do something with us

the thing that bothers me the most is that she hints for all these things, she never asks politely, for example she was whining in the car yesterday saying 'oh why is it so far to tesco, i've got to carry more than 3 bags back' in the hopes my bf would say 'of course i'll take you'

the frustrating thing is my boyfriend is too nice, he'll happily do anything anyone asks but i want him to learn to say no - she's a manipulating girl who will twist him round her finger to get what she wants

it's gotten to the point where we have to sneak out the house or even lie about what we're doing or where we're going just to make her back off

i've expressed my concerns with him and he agrees, he say's this is only temporary, a year max, until he gets his own place but what do i do in the meantime? i'm living with my boyfriend and her at until the end of april and when i go back to my uni house i know i'll be constantly thinking about her taking advantage of him

anyone else has this or a similar problem? am i being unreasonable? will she back off eventually? should i just leave it? should i put my foot down properly?


TL;DR: my boyfriends flatmate is really clingy and expects too much from my boyfriend, what do i do?

Not much you can do really, it's your bf who needs to just be like err no soz when she's asking him to do things that impose on him. At the very least he should be getting petrol money for the lifts and stuff especially if it's not even the same direction he's going. Maybe withhold your bum from him until he attempts to sort it out with her

if ur only there until end of april then its not ur problem

no harm in doing some1 a favour and if it is a problem he needs to say no. if he isnt gna say no and get "manipulatead" cos hes so nice and ur gna worry then dont worry its not a big deal. nothing wrong with being nice and doing a favour especially for a friend thats wat friends are for :Innocent:

your friend sounds kind of like a female version of Sheldon Cooper

You say you expressed concern and he agrees - agrees on what? That he's being manipulated? That she's asking too much? That it's a bit annoying but bearable? It seems like you are the one that cares the most about this but I'm afraid I would say that it's not really your place to step in and sort things out. If your bf is being taken advantage of and doesn't like it then he needs to say something, not you.

Deal with it for now and advise him when you leave at the end of the month that if he feels strongly enough about it then he should drop subtle hints about it. Stuff like telling her he's low on cash so can't afford to drive around as much, that he can't go on detours to drive her, that he doesn't have enough petrol in the tank, etc.

Maybe you are overthinking it all?

Just tell her to back off a little bit, it's not your fault she can't be independent but someone needs to give her a wake up call.

I think you need to confront the issue before it gets any worse. The longer you leave it the more annoyed you will both get by it. She might not even know she's doing it (although from what you said she sounds quite manipulative). Hope you can get things sorted out.

I don't understand why people are saying it's his issue and not yours. She's overstepping boundaries, thinking she can get away with it and it's interrupting parts of your relationship. If you wanna be subtle, try and set her up with her own boyfriend or offload her onto someone else. If you're truly sick of it now though, confront her when she does the next annoying thing and remind her of everything else she's done that isn't right. That should make her feel awkward enough to back off.

Good luck!



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