Moving a relative into a home

Anyone else had to do this? This is the first time in our family.

Tomorrow my Grandad, currently in hospital, is being told by social workers tomorrow that he's going into a home. It's been decided by my mum and everyone from me to the doctors to the nurses to the carers all agree with it. Taking it's toll on my nan and his quality of life at home is very poor. Of course, he won't want it. Given he has dementia though, he doesn't have a veto on it. We know it's the best for him and we've been to see it (near my house) and i'll be able to take him out on walks, for a beer etc which he currently cannot do at his house given he's bed bound and stuck in one room. Telling a 87 year old they're moving out of their house though... eek.

We've kept him at home the past few years as long as possible but given his decline it really is time up. You can only do so much I think before 24 hour care is needed and that is what he needs. But yeah he's being told tomorrow - i'm sure the social workers will put it in a way that's nice to him, ie word it as an apartment or flat instead of a home. You still feel like you're conspiring against him though given it was me and my mum who made the unilateral move to do this. But it's for the best.

Anyone else had to do it as a family and what did it go like etc?

I've personally never done it before but I can completely understand the reasons people do it, sometimes it can all just get too much despite how much you love someone. Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to get that person you love the help they need.

My last remaining grandparent has needed to be in a home for years now really, but she's stubborn and won't move :P lives 3 hours away from us and about the same distance from my aunt and her brood, so it's not easy to get there for any length of time if something's urgent. Best thing would be to have her brought downo to somewhere in between us which would then be about 40 min drive and much easier for everyone including herself. Sharp as a pin mentally, which is why she's been able to say no all the time lol but it will happen at some point I'm sure, she's 93 now

@FlyingJesus; tbf is she's independent and in good health then good on her for staying like that

Only ever had one grandparent and we had to move her into a home after years of saying we wouldn't. There was no choice really due to the dementia getting rather toxic and we knew a home would be better for her. She had lived with so many of her family members throughout the years, I believe it was better in the end for her because she saw a lot more of us more of the time, and she seemed rather happy when she was finally settled in one. I don't think she stayed there too long though, I want to say it was less than a year - she passed away in the home in August 2011, me and my family were on holiday at the time and got the phone call; before we went away we saw her, happy, sat up and laughing and my mum sort of had a signal that she would be gone before we got back. In the end she died of natural causes, knowing it was peaceful (and that she passed away knowing who we were still) was the best thing that we could hope for and the home she was in was lovely too.

I can't really remember how we got her into a home, I think it was a gradual thing where she'd go for respite a couple of times a week then she was permanently in one. She always chatted to people even if she didn't know them and played games like dominoes etc. I think she was in her element :P.

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Originally Posted by -:Undertaker:-

@FlyingJesus; tbf is she's independent and in good health then good on her for staying like that

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Yeah she is and isn't, it's a tough one. Mobility isn't great because she's ancient so she doesn't go out ever (so would realistically not make THAT much difference being in a home once she got used to the settings) but as I say mentally she's all there, probably fitter in her mind than the rest of us :P It is, as you said in the first post, a matter of when it's best for them

so my grandad moved in the other day and it's going really good

the home is small and it doesnt even feel like a home it feels like a house, there's only 16 residents. he's got the biggest room there and its been re-wallpapered and new carpet. he's been eating loadssssss there (wasnt at home) and he's been reading which he hasnt done in like 3 years (tbh we thought he couldnt anymore). more shocking though is what we were told the other day by the manageress.... he WALKED! we literally thought he was bed bound and couldnt support his own weight yet he's pulled himself up and used a zimmer to get to his chair. amazing!

what else? oh yeah my nan went in today and was there playing bingo with them all. yeah it's going really well and we know now he's getting well looked after. best decision ever and a really nice home with nice staff. it's only a 3 minute walk from our house too. :)