[Love] Online Relationships

Online Relationships

I wanted to share my experience with online relationships. First off, let me go all the way back to the beginning of where I met the most beautiful women who I met and the mother of my child...the internet. The internet is huge and grows everyday, as well as our addictions to it. About seven years ago, I went online in search of friends. I went onto this site called EmoFwendz (before you say anything I was in high school and was experimenting with my inner self). I met my now wife there. We started off talking here and there and then the conversations progressed as well as our relationship. I asked her to be mine a few months later. Now, I am not proud nor am I taking pride in saying this but I did go through inner battles and ended up cheating on her multiple times. Before you ask, she found out each and every time. She left me of course and I did not blame her. About four years ago, we reconnected and I moved thousands of miles to her home state (from New York to Alabama). I proposed to her and never left her side. One year ago on August 18,2018 we got married. Today, we are expecting our first born (a girl who we will name Tinslee Gayle Puetz) on December 19, 2019. I have gone through hell and back with my wife. This is one of few true stories you will hear from time to time of relationships that are online that work out in the end. Have you had any that worked out? Share your story!

I've come to realise in recent years that online relationships, whether they be romantic or platonic, don't necessarily translate into real life relationships in the same way. People can be extremely different online even if they don't realise it and it means you can really click when you're communicating through a screen but might feel awkward and detached when seeing each other face to face. I'm not saying they're all like this, that's just my experience with them. I couldn't express myself at all in the real world for years but I didn't experience such bad social anxiety on the internet, meaning I must've been suuuper different in person.

These days I'm not so interested in online relationships (sorry I mean friendships - I would absolutely not consider online romantic relationships under any circumstances). I'm happy maintaining the very few I have but I really really benefit from face to face real life friendships. If you'd told my anxiety ridden, awkward, emotionally unstable fourteen year old self this, though, I'd have been super shocked. Never thought I'd be so sociable lol.

Glad it worked out for you though man. Just ain't my cuppa tea.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Empired

I've come to realise in recent years that online relationships, whether they be romantic or platonic, don't necessarily translate into real life relationships in the same way. People can be extremely different online even if they don't realise it and it means you can really click when you're communicating through a screen but might feel awkward and detached when seeing each other face to face. I'm not saying they're all like this, that's just my experience with them. I couldn't express myself at all in the real world for years but I didn't experience such bad social anxiety on the internet, meaning I must've been suuuper different in person.

These days I'm not so interested in online relationships (sorry I mean friendships - I would absolutely not consider online romantic relationships under any circumstances). I'm happy maintaining the very few I have but I really really benefit from face to face real life friendships. If you'd told my anxiety ridden, awkward, emotionally unstable fourteen year old self this, though, I'd have been super shocked. Never thought I'd be so sociable lol.

Glad it worked out for you though man. Just ain't my cuppa tea.

I agree and say this as someone who met her boyfriend online.

Every single person I've met from the internet has been slightly different though I would say from HxF I actually liked the majority of them more in person than online because we all had sort of characters and personas and meeting in person reminded me we're all just human with flaws and it made them less scary. For example, I thought @wixard; would be terrifying but I realised it wasn't because she was scary nor intentionally intimidating, it was just that I perceived her to be that way. After meeting her, reading her posts that I would have beforehand found scary I found them to be funny instead having understood the way she actually is which in turn changed my perception of what she was actually saying.

As for myself, I always worried I would come across as "different" to others but it's not that I was acting like a different person online, I was just sort of paralysed by the fear that I was popular online and I was scared that people would see I'm just a human with flaws and that I'd be rejected basically. So yes whilst you were much quieter in person than I expected, that doesn't mean you're "different" because you're not actually showing a different person, you're just not showing the full picture. Plus, I understood, my first internet meeting I was incredibly awkward and lacking in social skills, by the time I met you guys I had already met a few other people in person so I knew I didn't need to hide myself because I'd already shown myself to others and I was accepted.

But I'm with you - I had to delete all my social media a few years ago. I found a different place outside of HxF and I met some people from there but they all went pretty badly (except my boyfriend who I only met and started talking to because he mentioned he was moving here for Uni). I mean, when I met them I had fun initially but once we were back on that social media they were calculative and manipulative and I realised that whilst they were decent enough in person, there was just a part of them that was focused on who they were online and maintaining that image to people who shouldn't matter. There were 2 absolutely lovely people I met from there but I think that was because they weren't looking to control and manipulate their image online, they weren't addicted to having validation online, they were happy with who they were in person and came as they were. Basically, what I'm trying to say, is to really be cautious of those who share every aspect of their life and are always online because, knowing from my own personal experience too, they generally have low self-esteem and aren't the most healthy of people. I went from talking to people on here for years to moving to another place where I just got addicted quickly because I was addicted to that validation.

One of the biggest!! issues in my time of online relationships is that everyone else thinks they know your relationship and think because you're in one place then they have the right to get involved. Whilst I'm the only person from this other online place that has met my now-boyfriend, other women tried to get involved and break us apart even though we were literally seeing each other (though we didn't get together immediately) in person and enjoying being together. I thought it was completely absurd that I had met and made a connection with this man and other women who only knew us both online thought they would somehow be better for him?? We both decided to quit those online platforms because we realised the people on them were lacking something and miserable and we didn't want to be caught up in it. We were happy enough just having each other and not requiring validation from anyone else. I've since learned to be very choosy who I become friends with online and go with my gut. I now only talk to a couple (who met online and have been together for years) and some friends who aren't interested in internet relationships, just our little server to discuss common interests.

I am now like you - I never thought I was social but that was because I stuck to the internet telling myself "internet friends are better because you can be yourself" - I never allowed myself to be me in person and therefore never felt accepted. I now have great colleagues and I'm able to make friends. I'm still not super outgoing or loud but I never will be but I also don't ever want to go back to relying on internet friendships to validate me because they always in the end make me feel worse and trying to keep up with being liked with people I shouldn't need to care about is exhausting. On that note of "internet xxxxships are better because ____", I do think I was incredibly lucky to meet my partner because our humours are very similar and he genuinely cared about me though neither of us made it known until much later as we considered ourselves friends and were going to meet as friends. We didn't have to chase each other and it wasn't hard work - we were just two people who meshed well and decided to make it work. There were difficult times in terms of logistics and we do clash on some things but overall we're together because we like each other, care about each other and work for it. Not because meeting online is inherently better. We've been together over a year and there's honestly been no surprises like can happen when you meet someone online and realise they're not who they say they are. So we had a bit of luck and a lot of effort.

Being in a good enough place and knowing who you are is a must in any relationship. Being online you do have that ability to manipulate and get sucked into thinking that person knows you and loves you for who you are. I'm sure many people on here can relate.