teenage heartbreak. {:

Very nice.

very nice although i think
Here is my final demonstration
should be replaced with
Here is my final demis or however its spelled

Wow that's excellent. Good luck mate, it will take something special to beat that.

it's pretty good :]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gangster

Thats some good poetry although a few words are repititive.
Plus this line killed it for me{it is actually a poor line especially in comparison to the rest of the poem}

I couldn’t give a damn –
I hear your feet slam.

That just ruined the poem, seemed a bit out of place/as if you were trying hard to think of something to rhyme with it.

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True, id have gone with something to do with a door and slam, although my suggestion stops at the rhyming since i suck at the writeings.

Still nice poem, plus as you said kinda emo, but with the context there wasnt really much altenative lol :p