I Feel Sooo Bad

I know what my dad did to my mom too. In the back of my mind I know I don't need him for anything...

I hear what you guys are saying, like I know what I'm doing is wrong but it's like I can't bring myself to do it. It's like when you're paralyzed and you want to walk but you just can't. I don't have the best relationship with him as I said and I just can't talk to him and tell him that. It's hard for me. :( And I feel absolutely horrible. I don't want it to be like this and when I grow up, we end up not being close.