My first story put on habbox

10/10 and Rep. Will there be more?

yeh, im just a little busy at the mo

Good sotry but it was slighty boaring.

I think the chapters are a bit short, and you could have used more homonyms.
Try using more alternatives for siad, and a few more Complex, and Compound sentences.
Wanna a job as Article Writer for Habbox US??
Register, and PM me on the forum (My user name is :Gonza, I am Articles Manager)
Other than that, great job!!

Sorry, I didn't realise I bumped the thread, my appologise. Edited by: Apple Yard (Post Poster)

Too many saids, just try to get friends of his to say them and you wont have to put "he said" or "she said" so much. You just have to puts a space down. If you dont know what I mean well... deal with it.

tbh, I only read the first chapter.
And like there were loads of mistakes..and when i notice mistakes i sit and think "what were they trying to say" And in my head i correct it so i can read it properly.
And i got a bit bored of all the mistakes (A)
It sounded ok tho..

Edited By nvrspk4 (Assistant General Manager): Please do not bump old threads.

Tbh I only read the 1st chapter
But it sounded OK :]

“We can’t even afford to fix our house! How much do you want to spend?” said Dad in a puzzled angry way.
“We are getting a plant! It is only £85.” replied Dad.
“£85!” I shouted at the same time as Dad

Mistake though.. Dad said we can't afford to fix the house let alone buy a plant, then he decides he's getting the plant for £85 then he's shocked at how much he's going to spend. ;S

this is 2 years old so why you post in it nw noob its not very good story its bad story so penis off