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The Sound OF Chainsaws,
Grinding In The Dust,
The Sound OF People Revving,
To Kill The Other Man,
It Grinds Through Their Body,
As They Start To Fall Apart,
As They Scream And Pinder,
For Them To Stop,
But As Soon As It Hits You,
You Cant Do Anything But Watch,
As Your Last 3 Seconds,
Are Pain, Regret, Trust...
To be honest i think its crap, not meaning to cause offence but it's just my opinion. It lacks emotion and poetic devices, makes minimal sense and can anyone say shift key abuse?
*waits for bad rep*
I dont like it at all :)
REMOVED
Edited by jesus (Forum Super Moderator): Please do not avoid the forum language filter
Its just basically suming up Gears in a few lines. Plussss you should make it rhyme ;D
I think I'd also echo the negative comments this poem got but maybe in a more constructive way.
1: Stop capitalising ever single word, it is not gramaticcaly correct and looks rediculous.
2: 'Of' is not an acyonym, it is either spelt 'of' or 'Of' when at the start of a sentance
3: The entire pattern and formation of the poem is really awkward, it begins with "the sound of" starting two consecutive thought patterns but this theme is totally rejected and neglected throughout the rest of the poem.
4: "chainsaws grinding in the dust" - that just appears to be a statement that doesn't make sense I mean; chainsaws that are grinding? And in the dust? :S
5: "people revving" yes thats some nice colloquialism but its really not in a good place. Maybe 'bayonets revving' or instead of people change it to a word (or group of words) that actually realte to the gun.
6: Final line "Are Pain, Regret, Trust..." Yes the relevance of pain is obvious and I suppose the victim may regret... encountering their foe but trust? Where's that suppose to dervice from? Do they trust the person magically now after they've just killed them?
Finally; It's not really about Gears of War at all, just about chainsawing someone. Gears of War has a really interesting atmosphere and maybe if the poem was longer and in a different form it could really be something great.
Is grears of war a game?
That's pretty hilarious because your analysis uses words that do not even make sense. You have incorrectly attempted to commentate his poem. You have delusions of eloquence.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ekalb
It was better than your reply.Quote:
Originally Posted by ScreamingRage01
To be frank, I don't care. My post still got the point across of what I was trying to say, now I'll be right back while I go wet myself at your more extensive vocabulary.Quote:
Originally Posted by ScreamingRage01
And here's the much more up-to-ScreamingRage's standard version:
"1: Stop capitalising ever single word, it is not grammatically correct and looks ridiculous.
2: 'Of' is not an acronym, it is either spelt 'of' or 'Of' when at the start of a sentence
3: The entire pattern and formation of the poem is really awkward, it begins with "the sound of" starting two consecutive thought patterns but this theme is totally rejected and neglected throughout the rest of the poem.
4: "chainsaws grinding in the dust" - that just appears to be a statement that doesn't make sense I mean; chainsaws that are grinding? And in the dust?
5: "people revving" yes thats some nice colloquialism but its really not in a good place. Maybe 'bayonets revving' or instead of people change it to a word (or group of words) that actually relate to the gun.
6: Final line "Are Pain, Regret, Trust..." Yes the relevance of pain is obvious and I suppose the victim may regret... encountering their foe but trust? Where's that suppose to derive from? Do they trust the person magically now after they've just killed them?
Finally; It's not really about Gears of War at all, just about chainsawing someone. Gears of War has a really interesting atmosphere and maybe if the poem was longer and in a different form it could really be something great."