Do you dislike one of your parents? [FOR PEOPLE WITH SPLIT/DIVORCED PARENTS]

My parents split up over 10 years ago and I stayed with my mom and my dad moved back to Canada. I didn't have a great relationship with him because I never saw him. My mom never kept us from him, she just wouldn't go out of her way to organize a trip for us to see him because isn't really her responsibility, she saw us everyday! I have since moved back to Canada, into the same city as him, for school and it's helped our relationship immensely.

I used to hate my dad, I used to get so annoyed when he would come to visit. Before Christmas I met my dad downtown when he was out with his colleagues for their Christmas party. I was having a cigarette and he was having one too, I didn't know he smoked and he didn't know I did either. Even though we were both highly intoxicated I saw a side of my dad that I missed and we sat down a few days later and I had a huge talk about everything and I held nothing back and he apologized for everything and I apologized too. My brothers always told me dad wasn't that bad but now I see them and they got their many "I told you dad wasn't that bad" in.

My dad has a long-time girlfriend named Maureen and she and her son live in my dads house with him. Maureen is a miserable person and now I blame her for the way my dad acted because she doesn't like me, or my brothers. My dad provides a roof for her and her son and she can't even be nice to his kids who did nothing wrong. Even my mom was nice to her and now she hates her. When I was 18 my dad bought each of my brothers a Blackberry and I was at his house and I overheard her say in the kitchen after we opened our presents "you're kids are adults now, shouldn't you be cutting back on the presents". That comment really upset me and since then I haven't liked her and I try to avoid her especially since she thinks she can call me and ask me to do stuff for her and her son. Maureen hasn't been around lately, she's been visiting her mom in Ontario for the past 2 weeks and TBH, I think my dad let her have it and *I HOPE* she's not coming back, but he hasn't come right out and told us.

I haven't felt like I've had a proper family for a long time and I thought I was fine with it but I've never felt better than I have since I've talked to my dad and worked everything out.

For those of you with divorced parents, do you dislike one of your parents? If so, have you clearly defined why you don't like the other parent? If so, what is it? Have you ever had a heart-to-heart conversation with either of your parents?

Do you actually expect somebody to read that?:/

&O/T
I hate my mum sometimes - She's the dumbest and most annoying person I have ever met...
The other day she asked me how to spell 'Far.' and I was like F-A-R and she was like 'What?' in the end I had to go up to her and write it down so she knew, I'm not even joking. I'm being serious, yeah, hard to believe, ikr?;L

My mom left my dad last Summer, she told him she would absolutely not see other men, had no intentions to and just wanted to work on their marriage. She put a password on her phone and switched from the shared plan she was on with me, and she started going out a lot more than she used to. One day I saw what her password was (it's one of those visual Android passwords) and I was curious and I looked at her phone and there was someone called Nancy sending her text messages, flirty ones. A few days later my dad said he saw her reply to a text to her that said hey baby and he said he asked her about it and she said it was just a close friend and male female friends or not, people say hay baby to eachother, she also said she put him in under a fake female name on her phone accidentally or something..

A few weeks later I went on her phone again and I saw her saying a lot more to him and he was saying a lot more to her, so I showed my dad and he showed my mom and said I looked. She was so mad at me and we had a long argument (I've never argued with her since I was little) and she said she likes this guy more than just a random friend, I asked her to stop seeing him and she said no though.

There's a lot more too, she REALLY went out of her way to hide this guy from all of us and she'd even told my dad she would never see other men which was not good obviously!

I could never hate my mom, I love her so much and she does so much for me and loves me and all her children, but I can't fathom to explain how devastated my dad is because of what she's been saying and doing and I suppose not saying what she's doing - I really can't begin to understand what kind of person could do that to a guy and then the next minute turn around and literally act like everything's perfectly fine.

In regards to what you said about heart to heart conversations I don't know many fathers and sons who talk in depth or heart to heart and I never did with my dad until he started calling me away from what I was doing to talk to him. We'd just go in his room and he'd tell me what's been going on with my mom and how he feels and other things, he repeats himself sometimes but he gets so worked up and so upset about it all, I'm so awkward and I never know what to reply with but I really wish I knew what to say to cheer him up :P

When I see a 30 year marriage end up like that, or when I see how some people treat other people who they used to fall head over heels for and entrust their life with, I really just don't feel good and quite honestly I don't think I will ever get married (not that there's anyone out there who'd want to marry me, haha)!

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Originally Posted by HotelUser

My mom left my dad last Summer, she told him she would absolutely not see other men, had no intentions to and just wanted to work on their marriage. She put a password on her phone and switched from the shared plan she was on with me, and she started going out a lot more than she used to. One day I saw what her password was (it's one of those visual Android passwords) and I was curious and I looked at her phone and there was someone called Nancy sending her text messages, flirty ones. A few days later my dad said he saw her reply to a text to her that said hey baby and he said he asked her about it and she said it was just a close friend and male female friends or not, people say hay baby to eachother, she also said she put him in under a fake female name on her phone accidentally or something..

A few weeks later I went on her phone again and I saw her saying a lot more to him and he was saying a lot more to her, so I showed my dad and he showed my mom and said I looked. She was so mad at me and we had a long argument (I've never argued with her since I was little) and she said she likes this guy more than just a random friend, I asked her to stop seeing him and she said no though.

There's a lot more too, she REALLY went out of her way to hide this guy from all of us and she'd even told my dad she would never see other men which was not good obviously!

I could never hate my mom, I love her so much and she does so much for me and loves me and all her children, but I can't fathom to explain how devastated my dad is because of what she's been saying and doing and I suppose not saying what she's doing - I really can't begin to understand what kind of person could do that to a guy and then the next minute turn around and literally act like everything's perfectly fine.

In regards to what you said about heart to heart conversations I don't know many fathers and sons who talk in depth or heart to heart and I never did with my dad until he started calling me away from what I was doing to talk to him. We'd just go in his room and he'd tell me what's been going on with my mom and how he feels and other things, he repeats himself sometimes but he gets so worked up and so upset about it all, I'm so awkward and I never know what to reply with but I really wish I knew what to say to cheer him up :P

When I see a 30 year marriage end up like that, or when I see how some people treat other people who they used to fall head over heels for and entrust their life with, I really just don't feel good and quite honestly I don't think I will ever get married (not that there's anyone out there who'd want to marry me, haha)!

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I remember when my mom caught my dad cheating, it was DONE. I was just a kid at the time, I remember my aunt came over and my dad was packing his **** and my mom took a key to his brand new (at the time) black Suburban and my dad just watched. My mom vowed to make my dad pay for what he did, she started dressing smart and she began working. She WANTED my dad to know what he lost and that he wasn't getting it back!

I'm over the fact that my parents are divorced. It was every product of divorce's wish for their parents to get back together and play happy families. I knew if that were to happen, they wouldn't be happy and it would just be easier if they weren't together so I just let go of the idea.

I for one am not a person to go through cellphones. It is my all time biggest pet peeve, you set your phone down and your friends start looking through your texts and questioning who you're texting? I don't look at other peoples messages, I don't look at what people are texting, what I don't know won't hurt me. I know if I saw something I wouldn't be able to keep it to myself if I had to and I'd rather not have anything I'm not supposed to know bothering me. I give props to your mom owning a smartphone, knowing how to text and it's brilliant that she put the other guy under a females name.. I'm going to use that one sometime!

I've been finding that lately my friends parents or people who I went to school with their parents have been screwing around with other people. A girl from back home her mom left her dad, her very rich and successful dentist dad, for a man with a questionable substance abuse problem, no money and no car, basically a loser and the sad part is the dad is devastated and would take her back? It baffles me!

I found that I really forgot who my dad was.. I missed the dad I grew up with, he would do anything for us.. he just ****** up. Friday morning after there was a huge snow storm and I got a BBM message from my dad, "just cleared off your car, should be able to get it out, have a good day in class - dad".. like he came at 7:00 in the morning, after digging out his truck and went out of his way to find my car and clean it off and dig it out.. that's the dad I know and love.

Do you think your parents would get back together? Do you want them to get back together? I hope it all works out for the best :)

I don't have divorced parents but I don't think it's actually possible to hate your parents.

Also lol @ maureen.

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Originally Posted by Muct

Do you actually expect somebody to read that?:/

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Looks like everybody has done so far. It's respect.

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Originally Posted by HotelUser

One day I saw what her password was (it's one of those visual Android passwords) and I was curious and I looked at her phone and there was someone called Nancy sending her text messages, flirty ones.

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Oh, I would have thought she'd turned lesbian! :P

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Originally Posted by Metric1

I found that I really forgot who my dad was.. I missed the dad I grew up with, he would do anything for us.. he just ****** up. Friday morning after there was a huge snow storm and I got a BBM message from my dad, "just cleared off your car, should be able to get it out, have a good day in class - dad".. like he came at 7:00 in the morning, after digging out his truck and went out of his way to find my car and clean it off and dig it out.. that's the dad I know and love.

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This is really cute :)

My parents are still together and have been for nearly 22 years. Really have no idea what I'd do if they split, love my family a lot :'(

@HotelUser i thought your mum was lesbian about half way through reading it

and yeah my parents arent divorced and i love them both in different way, my mums a person you can also go to if you need to get something off your mind and shes constantly trying to get the best out of me whilst my dad is more laid back although we dont have as much in common

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Originally Posted by matt

@HotelUser i thought your mum was lesbian about half way through reading it

and yeah my parents arent divorced and i love them both in different way, my mums a person you can also go to if you need to get something off your mind and shes constantly trying to get the best out of me whilst my dad is more laid back although we dont have as much in common

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so did I!

While I don't know what you're going through as my parents are still together, it's possible you're giving Maureen the "evil stepmother" label. As she says, you're an adult now so you don't actually have to do any of the things she asks you to do for her and her sons. If she comes back and starts slipping into that routine, put your foot down and just say no. :)

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Originally Posted by Muct

I hate my mum sometimes - She's the dumbest and most annoying person I have ever met...

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apple doesn't fall far from the tree huh, hating your mum because they're dumb sorta makes you dumb too :

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Originally Posted by dbgtz

I don't have divorced parents but I don't think it's actually possible to hate your parents.

Also lol @ maureen.

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nah i disagree, especially if they're neglected when they're younger.


mmm, i went through phases of hating my dad. my mum and dad split when i was 11, i didn't get a reason and i never have. all my family and all his family don't talk to him anymore. everyone understands better than me but i think in this case it's fine for me not to know. i don't actually have much memories of my dad from when they were together, he was only there 6 months every year. i have no doubt that he was a good dad or person, it came as a massive shock to me cause my mum and dad seemed to love each other so much. there's one memory that does stick though, i remember being 4 and my mum was crying so i offered her my chocolate buttons (she said NO omg:@) to cheer her up. my gran came over and i overheard her talking about my dad, my oldest brother who was 8 at the time asked my mum if dad was going to leave her for another woman again. idk why.. i don't really understand but i'm guessing that my dad left because of something like that.

when they first split up i was always like protected against it i guess. my dad had a flat next to the house for about a year, i stayed there every weekend but my brother's refused to. they knew more about it than i did. then 6 months later he stopped picking up my calls and moved. fast forward 2 years and my uncle (his brother) died. so again, he tells me to stay in touch. it lasts 6 weeks when i found out he'd been messing around with my uncle's fiance >.< they're still together now and everyone hates them. then that's when i got told most things. that my dad played around, that he was horrible, a coward, only knew how to love with his money. that's what i got told and i'd believe it all. it's frustrating when family try to turn you against each other, he never done it to me about them.

i never saw my dad from then until last august so about 4 years. he would send me birthday and christmas cards with money and again i'd get "see? he just buys your love with money". i believed that so much. when my eldest brother moved out, he gave him money to help out. again, all he knows is money. i never appreciated how much he helped out, i wanted him to physically be there instead. but now i do, he pays for a lot of stuff back home. cause my mum is disabled and can't work he's always trying his best to provide for us, no matter how much miles away he is. and for years i was told he doesn't love me, even though he's slagged off and hated, he still wants to help. cause of that, i always want to give people second chances. i always want to help people who need it even when they hate me. my family try tell me he's not worth it but it's up to me to decide. you've got to decide for yourself.

anyway i went to see him last august in his new house for 3 days and it went well :) i didn't really tell anyone, other than my mum, just incase it did go wrong. i wouldn't be able to stand all the "told you so". but i went and i'm glad, i can gain back those memories i lost. i get told i'm going to get hurt but i have more trust than before. at least now if i do get hurt i'm glad i tried. i'm not losing anything, i only have to gain. my dad still texts me, he calls me every saturday, he asks me if i need anything, asks how everyone is doing. i'm happy, i'm moving on with my life yet they're all still miserable and stuck in the past.


i guess it's why i hate when people hate their parents for such unnecessary reasons ;p if you don't know anything about them or their situation then don't judge. just have trust, don't listen to other people.
idk the whole thing has taught me a lot. at first i thought men were douchebags (well most still are so it's taught me not to expect too much;)) but now it makes me more determined for it not to end this way for me. i will have my happy ending ok.

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Originally Posted by Mathew

Looks like everybody has done so far. It's respect.


Oh, I would have thought she'd turned lesbian! :P

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No but she has a friend who left her husband for a woman, and she has a few other divorced friends she's become close to now so I think they probably weren't a good influence about her leaving my dad!

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Originally Posted by Metric1

I remember when my mom caught my dad cheating, it was DONE. I was just a kid at the time, I remember my aunt came over and my dad was packing his **** and my mom took a key to his brand new (at the time) black Suburban and my dad just watched. My mom vowed to make my dad pay for what he did, she started dressing smart and she began working. She WANTED my dad to know what he lost and that he wasn't getting it back!

I'm over the fact that my parents are divorced. It was every product of divorce's wish for their parents to get back together and play happy families. I knew if that were to happen, they wouldn't be happy and it would just be easier if they weren't together so I just let go of the idea.

I for one am not a person to go through cellphones. It is my all time biggest pet peeve, you set your phone down and your friends start looking through your texts and questioning who you're texting? I don't look at other peoples messages, I don't look at what people are texting, what I don't know won't hurt me. I know if I saw something I wouldn't be able to keep it to myself if I had to and I'd rather not have anything I'm not supposed to know bothering me. I give props to your mom owning a smartphone, knowing how to text and it's brilliant that she put the other guy under a females name.. I'm going to use that one sometime!

I've been finding that lately my friends parents or people who I went to school with their parents have been screwing around with other people. A girl from back home her mom left her dad, her very rich and successful dentist dad, for a man with a questionable substance abuse problem, no money and no car, basically a loser and the sad part is the dad is devastated and would take her back? It baffles me!

I found that I really forgot who my dad was.. I missed the dad I grew up with, he would do anything for us.. he just ****** up. Friday morning after there was a huge snow storm and I got a BBM message from my dad, "just cleared off your car, should be able to get it out, have a good day in class - dad".. like he came at 7:00 in the morning, after digging out his truck and went out of his way to find my car and clean it off and dig it out.. that's the dad I know and love.

Do you think your parents would get back together? Do you want them to get back together? I hope it all works out for the best :)

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I hope they get back together a lot, it seems so both sided. They will talk, and the other day my dad was with me and my sister and my mom came and watched a movie with all of us and things seem even normal to me but then when my dad talks to me he tells me he doesn't think they're going to, that she just talks to this other guy on the phone for hours a night now that she's asking him not to come around because she wants more distance between them. It feels like it can go either way it really does. When I argued with my mom she pointed out that no matter what she'll always want to look out for my dad and that they were seeing therapists but she said to me they weren't seeing marriage therapists. I'm only afraid that she's stringing him along because she doesn't know how he would handle anything more rash, but I really don't know what they'll do at this point.

My dad just asked to talk to me just now and he said she left her computer on in the garage and on her facebook (she wont add any of us to it) it has messages to the guy (hes away for 20 days for work or something) and she said things like I love you and miss you so much <3 and 20 days can't go by soon enough.

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Originally Posted by buttons

apple doesn't fall far from the tree huh, hating your mum because they're dumb sorta makes you dumb too :

nah i disagree, especially if they're neglected when they're younger.


mmm, i went through phases of hating my dad. my mum and dad split when i was 11, i didn't get a reason and i never have. all my family and all his family don't talk to him anymore. everyone understands better than me but i think in this case it's fine for me not to know. i don't actually have much memories of my dad from when they were together, he was only there 6 months every year. i have no doubt that he was a good dad or person, it came as a massive shock to me cause my mum and dad seemed to love each other so much. there's one memory that does stick though, i remember being 4 and my mum was crying so i offered her my chocolate buttons (she said NO omg:@) to cheer her up. my gran came over and i overheard her talking about my dad, my oldest brother who was 8 at the time asked my mum if dad was going to leave her for another woman again. idk why.. i don't really understand but i'm guessing that my dad left because of something like that.

when they first split up i was always like protected against it i guess. my dad had a flat next to the house for about a year, i stayed there every weekend but my brother's refused to. they knew more about it than i did. then 6 months later he stopped picking up my calls and moved. fast forward 2 years and my uncle (his brother) died. so again, he tells me to stay in touch. it lasts 6 weeks when i found out he'd been messing around with my uncle's fiance >.< they're still together now and everyone hates them. then that's when i got told most things. that my dad played around, that he was horrible, a coward, only knew how to love with his money. that's what i got told and i'd believe it all. it's frustrating when family try to turn you against each other, he never done it to me about them.

i never saw my dad from then until last august so about 4 years. he would send me birthday and christmas cards with money and again i'd get "see? he just buys your love with money". i believed that so much. when my eldest brother moved out, he gave him money to help out. again, all he knows is money. i never appreciated how much he helped out, i wanted him to physically be there instead. but now i do, he pays for a lot of stuff back home. cause my mum is disabled and can't work he's always trying his best to provide for us, no matter how much miles away he is. and for years i was told he doesn't love me, even though he's slagged off and hated, he still wants to help. cause of that, i always want to give people second chances. i always want to help people who need it even when they hate me. my family try tell me he's not worth it but it's up to me to decide. you've got to decide for yourself.

anyway i went to see him last august in his new house for 3 days and it went well :) i didn't really tell anyone, other than my mum, just incase it did go wrong. i wouldn't be able to stand all the "told you so". but i went and i'm glad, i can gain back those memories i lost. i get told i'm going to get hurt but i have more trust than before. at least now if i do get hurt i'm glad i tried. i'm not losing anything, i only have to gain. my dad still texts me, he calls me every saturday, he asks me if i need anything, asks how everyone is doing. i'm happy, i'm moving on with my life yet they're all still miserable and stuck in the past.


i guess it's why i hate when people hate their parents for such unnecessary reasons ;p if you don't know anything about them or their situation then don't judge. just have trust, don't listen to other people.
idk the whole thing has taught me a lot. at first i thought men were douchebags (well most still are so it's taught me not to expect too much;)) but now it makes me more determined for it not to end this way for me. i will have my happy ending ok.

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That's really sweet (especially the part about you being 4 and offering her your chocolates - that's adorable!) and you dad's really lucky to call you his daughter when you're being so understanding and open about everything!