A little short story I made up, it's moral refers to me.

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22-06-2006, 02:25 AM
Grimmauld

A little short story I made up, it's moral refers to me.

Before we start, I want to say this that I did make this story up and it is my first one so please, be a little kind at the end.

As Ste enters the house where his so called friends were huddled together, the crisis began.

" Ste's such a geek and I think he doesn't like our ghetto-ness, he's just probably hating. " said Ryan.

" You got him wrong Ryan, he doesn't not like your ghetto-ness, he's cool, I think he's just not comfortable around us. " said Mark.

" I don't like him, he acts like a geek like Ryan said but I know he wants to be ghetto, I think we shouldn't be friends with him, he ain't our type, yo. " replied Kris.

" Pfft, damn right Kris, I always knew you was cool like that. " said Ryan.

While Ste was right in the back of his so called friends listening to this conversation, tears dropped from his eyes like a waterfall gone wild.

" I guess you guys are right .. but don't you think you should get to know him more? I mean come on, we hardly hang out with him because you guys think he'll trick on us or something. " said Mark.

" Mark, you're just too kind to people man, you gotta get rough with these foos' before they run you down man. " yelled Ryan.

Before Kris had a chance to give her reply, Ste joined in.

" So you guys think I don't like you guys because I act like a geek and you act ghetto? You know what I promised myself before moving to this school? I'm not going to change for who I am to fit in with a group of wannabes that cross me out because I'm not one of them. I'm not going to change for a girl nor a friend. And if you don't like me for who I am, well **** off. Because, I am what I am, so live with it. " yelled Ste, and with that, he vanished from the room.

The End

May I say the underlined quote was in Joe_Computer, a formal hobba on the UK hotel, I just want to say that it was a great quote and he was a great hobba, may I thank him for his help with my conflict, God bless.
22-06-2006, 02:28 AM
ReInfected

i didnt bother reading it but looks good to me.
22-06-2006, 02:32 AM
Grimmauld

That's like judging a book by it's cover. x[ Can you just read and give me some CC. :p
22-06-2006, 02:35 AM
ReInfected

Quote:

Originally Posted by graffiti

That's like judging a book by it's cover. x[ Can you just read and give me some CC. :p

I always do that. You wouldnt want to read a book if it has a picture of a dump of cra.p on it would you?
22-06-2006, 02:36 AM
Grimmauld

I'd exchange it for another one, but let's get on topic.
22-06-2006, 02:39 AM
ReInfected

*Offtopic* Btw WC, your avvy looks familiar....Wheres it from?
22-06-2006, 02:45 AM
Grimmauld

His name is Piro and he's one of the main characters off Megatokyo, a manga series that is under my section of ultimate favorites.
22-06-2006, 02:48 AM
ReInfected

Oh. I thought he was that lil kid that is a detective. Forgot his name. I wanna say Kogan or something liek that? Idk. NVm sorry for off topicness
22-06-2006, 11:04 AM
Uber-Jason

back to the story, sounds good
22-06-2006, 03:33 PM
FrozenWhisper

That
story
rocks!
Ok sorry about thye enter button abusing ;), It's so true though, I know a girl who calls herself "emo" and she doesn't act it at school cause her friends wont like it. And! There anit nothing wrong with geeks! We will so be the boss of some major company when were older ;)
22-06-2006, 08:26 PM
FlyingJesus

Quote:

Originally Posted by graffiti

As Ste enters the house where his so called friends were huddled together, the crisis began.

This is the only thing that needs changing, as it's in multiple tenses. It should read "As Ste entered the house..."

Other than that, a strong short story, nice work.
23-06-2006, 12:11 AM
Grimmauld

Thanks for your positive replies guys! I was thinking of it during the ride home from the mall, heh I gave it my best shot.
23-06-2006, 08:31 AM
louder

I liked it, +rep.
06-07-2006, 03:39 AM
foxyfox00

Yeah it has a good moral. Reminds me of the coda/chorus in a song called Scar by Missy Higgins, probarbly because I sing it for preformance.

"A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?"

But dont change just to be liked, its not worth it.
Been there done that.
09-07-2006, 01:30 AM
Grimmauld

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxyfox00

Yeah it has a good moral. Reminds me of the coda/chorus in a song called Scar by Missy Higgins, probarbly because I sing it for preformance.

"A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?"

But dont change just to be liked, its not worth it.
Been there done that.

Well, everything you do in life has it's own regrets, .. I like the poem by the way. :)
09-07-2006, 01:43 AM
Norco

Positively "leet".
That story Pwnz all.
Lyk Omgawdzorzz, it rox my sox.
It's awsum posum.

Any others? o.o

Anyways, apart from the lingo, the story rocks, and the plot is so true, just not expressed enough.

ANTI-PREJUDICE BAYBAY!
29-07-2006, 11:37 AM
Offspring

It bought a tear to me eye :P
31-07-2006, 05:10 PM
Kukuthebird

Awesome story!
01-08-2006, 07:36 PM
Nia12

It's a nice story :D XXX