Originally Posted by N0vas site
The last few days have been very tough on my mind, and I don't ever intend to
repeat them. Instead I had to make a decision, if not for the better then at least to
lift my burden. I have been given a lot of time to consider the state of things not
in Runescape, but rather outside of it. Friends have called me, family has worried
about me, everyone wants me to move on, and I've turned my back on them for many
months, because I thought I was reaching for something greater, something I WANTED, ie,
rank 1 position in Runescape and everything that goes along with filling Zezima's
shoes. But is this what I really want? I had to pace back and forth for hours, I had
to walk around the neighborhood, I had to sit down with friends who have lived with me
for years, in order to come up with an answer. No. It isn't what I really want, not
anymore, anyway. The moment I doubted my very reasons for playing was the moment I saw
my now-lofty goals come tumbling down.
Thus comes my decision--I won't renew my membership after October. I must quit while I'm
ahead, before I slowly play myself into a permanently scarred mental state. Things simply
have to move on, and I've lost sight of the very reason I began Runescape in the first
place--to win glory and self-satisfaction by piecing together the perfect character.
Skill total was all I ever cared for, and I fooled myself into thinking I was fit for
bigger and better collections and completions but my very nature plays contrary to that.
I can't ignore it now; instead I must accept it.
So, for the next month, I'll be living out my mortality.
