I have a real problem with school.

I don't know what it is that's wrong with me, but I just hate it. It's not learning, it's not that I don't get on with people. But I don't like the people that I'm around there. They're probably fine, normal people, and I act fine around them but I just hate them and I've no idea why. I mean this has really become a real problem for me, I am sitting here in tears it really makes me fee depressed, it's a real confidence issue and although I'm on the waiting list to see a therapist, I ALREADY talk about it to my mum. I feel so too faced and I don't want to dislike people, but every little thing annoys me about them. I hate being at school, and I hate the idea that I will have to eventually go to Uni. I don't want to live a stupid student lifestyle, and I don't want to do the things people my own age do. Sometimes I don't even want to grow up, I just feel constantly truly uncomfortable wherever I am, it's gotten so bad that sometimes I even stutter, not very noticably, but I used to be fine around people.
I don't really know what I want to gain from writing this, maybe people who also feel the same way. Sometimes I feel I'm made to feel that Uni is my only option in the future, but I hate the idea of it, I really do, but I know I'm smart and I can't let myself down. Does anyone else just like staying in and doing things with their family, like ALL the time? Or feel they still want to be a child - I don't just mean act immature. I feel I've not really explained this well, but this has developed over the past few years ever since I started High School, I just don't bloody know what to do.

I found school was just boring so I missed like 30% of it.

I never really had the problem with other people cause' I had a good rep. There were a few people who would sometimes annoy me by thinking that I liked them etc, the people who I didn't like I just gave them dirty looks and constantly punked them out

As soon as I got to sixth form things were a lot better, you probably only have one or two years left anyway I suggest you make the most of it

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Soy

I found school was just boring so I missed like 30% of it.

I never really had the problem with other people cause' I had a good rep. There were a few people who would sometimes annoy me by thinking that I liked them etc, the people who I didn't like I just gave them dirty looks and constantly punked them out

As soon as I got to sixth form things were a lot better, you probably only have one or two years left anyway I suggest you make the most of it

---

This is my final year, I can't go from being constantly shy to really out there like that, it's not what I'm comfortable with.

It seems that you don't want to grow up and maybe your afraid of doing so?
Also staying in with your family means that you have a strong bond with them which is very important in life.
But it's all part of the cycle of life and although you may not want to grow up you have no choice.
As for the problem with not liking people i can't comment on it as i don't know you but maybe see a school councilor as they can often help. Hope you can sort this out :) also even though you may not think it there is help out there, maybe discuss with childline or something as it releases that pressure.

mhm..i felt like this the past year and i missed school a lot coz of it. i would much rather just do things on my own and no-one really understood that and tried to talk to me, constantly asking if i was ok when i really was. the main reason i started to hate everyone was because a) i thought they'd be disappointed if they were friends with me and b) i didn't want to give people the chance to hurt me again. i used to be loud but after drifting apart from people because of one silly little thing i just kept myself mostly to myself but ye after a lot of people fell out with me i just felt like "i don't need friends, they're just there for when i want something new" which i felt bad about thinking so didn't want people to get too close. there must've been something that triggered it off? maybe a bad experience with people like i did and i don't mean to sound rude but maybe because people never really give YOU the chance neither you feel they're not worth it...

i didn't know what i wanted to do after school all i knew was i wanted to leave asap and after talkin to a careers woman i felt a load better knowing where to go and just got on with my studies, going to college/uni could help you get over hating people, it'll be new people and new way of life so you could change. i used to want to stay in my room just doing what i enjoyed cause i knew after education i wouldn't have all this free time to do what i wanted but i still got dragged out at the weekends and i'm glad i did cause then i would've lost everyone

i don't really know, maybe the therapist will help but i know for me it was coz of bad experiences that made me just think everything wasn't worth it, figuring out what i wanted to do and talking to various people helped me anyway

Are you worrying that when you get to UNI you'll like have no friends because you're not used to going out? Why don't you go out? Maybe it's just because it's the last year of school and you're worried about what's going to happen next, maybe to you everything is going a bit too fast and you don't really want it to therefore not wanting to grow up in a way? Imo, seeing a therapist would only lower my confidence more, because I'd feel weird seeing a therapist, like there is something wrong with me, I mean you sound perfectly normal. Maybe it's just something that happens to some people when their life is changing at such a big speed (i.e you leaving school this year and going to uni) When did you start not going out with friends? Did you lose your friends?

It just sounds like you have a personality disorder, like social anxiety or an avoidant personality. They're pretty common to some degree.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by buttons

mhm..i felt like this the past year and i missed school a lot coz of it. i would much rather just do things on my own and no-one really understood that and tried to talk to me, constantly asking if i was ok when i really was. the main reason i started to hate everyone was because a) i thought they'd be disappointed if they were friends with me and b) i didn't want to give people the chance to hurt me again. i used to be loud but after drifting apart from people because of one silly little thing i just kept myself mostly to myself but ye after a lot of people fell out with me i just felt like "i don't need friends, they're just there for when i want something new" which i felt bad about thinking so didn't want people to get too close. there must've been something that triggered it off? maybe a bad experience with people like i did and i don't mean to sound rude but maybe because people never really give YOU the chance neither you feel they're not worth it...

i didn't know what i wanted to do after school all i knew was i wanted to leave asap and after talkin to a careers woman i felt a load better knowing where to go and just got on with my studies, going to college/uni could help you get over hating people, it'll be new people and new way of life so you could change. i used to want to stay in my room just doing what i enjoyed cause i knew after education i wouldn't have all this free time to do what i wanted but i still got dragged out at the weekends and i'm glad i did cause then i would've lost everyone

i don't really know, maybe the therapist will help but i know for me it was coz of bad experiences that made me just think everything wasn't worth it, figuring out what i wanted to do and talking to various people helped me anyway

---

Well I'm pretty sure it's bad experiences, it's exactly that. When I was in primary 6, I was badly bullied by the people who had been my best friends, and it went on for a year, and then I finally broke free, then I had new friends, and things were gerat. But that group drifted apart and then I went back to my old friends and they were much more welcoming, and we had a great time, then me and 2 girls sort of went off on our own group, and we always did things together. Then they really changed and wanted to go out partying and what not, this was maybe 2 years ago, so then I was sort of left, and I just found people to be around, you know? And recently I had made friends with a really nice girl, we say we're best friends, and we also hung around another girl, but she has once again sort of left me, and I always feel I'm being abandoned.
I feel I just go from one group to the next, like I have no staying power, and I really do think it's because I don't want to be hurt by people, so I rarely get close. I do think you're right, people never seem to give me the time of day, and always go for someone louder or whatever, and I feel they're not bothering with me so it really makes me resent them and I feel that most people are like that.

The thing is I love going out with the friends I've got, it's basically me, the girl I mentioned and like 4 other guys, and we usually just hang out at each others houses, I mean we are 17. And some people seem to think I don't want to drink, but actually whenever I'm out I always drink because I'm so uncomfortable without drinking. I think I am sooo uninteresting, and even round friends I feel so anxious that I might not say anything interesting. Sometimes I even worry if we're not going to be drinking, I worry that I won't have anything to say!
I was supposed to see a careers woman, and she actually phoned to say sorry she hasn't gotten to me yet, but it's almost too late, cause I've chosen this years subjects, but maybe she'll give me more options. Did you go to Uni? and if so, did you live away from home?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lost

Are you worrying that when you get to UNI you'll like have no friends because you're not used to going out? Why don't you go out? Maybe it's just because it's the last year of school and you're worried about what's going to happen next, maybe to you everything is going a bit too fast and you don't really want it to therefore not wanting to grow up in a way? Imo, seeing a therapist would only lower my confidence more, because I'd feel weird seeing a therapist, like there is something wrong with me, I mean you sound perfectly normal. Maybe it's just something that happens to some people when their life is changing at such a big speed (i.e you leaving school this year and going to uni) When did you start not going out with friends? Did you lose your friends?

---

Probably right, I AM worried I won't make friends and end up having no-one. But I plan on travelling there and staying at home. I don't want to be put in rubbish halls with people I might not like!
I definitely don't want to grow up, but the issue isn't really with going out. I can go out with friends I already have, but I wouldn't be able to with other people. Sometimes I'm OK at first putting on an air of confidence if someone talks to me first, but what if I don't look worth talking to? Or everyone knows each other? Then I'm stuck.
I used to think seeing a therapist would do that, but it's not just for these reasons, my mum really really wants me to due to my dad, he's pathetic (he recently asked to borrow money from me and it upset me so much I can't even think about the way he asked it's horrible). Just all these problems have built up over the years and right now I can only see it as being a plus. It would almost feel like a safety blanket having someone there behind me, even if it is a councillor.

I know I'm not psychotic or anything, I'm just a person who has been really hurt and I just don't know how to deal with it anymore, so I asked my GP if I could see a councillor and she said fine.

I've lost many friends over the years, I sort of push people away, and then it upsets me that they don't bother to hold on, as if I wasn't worth the trouble.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NIKKEE

Probably right, I AM worried I won't make friends and end up having no-one. But I plan on travelling there and staying at home. I don't want to be put in rubbish halls with people I might not like!
I definitely don't want to grow up, but the issue isn't really with going out. I can go out with friends I already have, but I wouldn't be able to with other people. Sometimes I'm OK at first putting on an air of confidence if someone talks to me first, but what if I don't look worth talking to? Or everyone knows each other? Then I'm stuck.
I used to think seeing a therapist would do that, but it's not just for these reasons, my mum really really wants me to due to my dad, he's pathetic (he recently asked to borrow money from me and it upset me so much I can't even think about the way he asked it's horrible). Just all these problems have built up over the years and right now I can only see it as being a plus. It would almost feel like a safety blanket having someone there behind me, even if it is a councillor.

I know I'm not psychotic or anything, I'm just a person who has been really hurt and I just don't know how to deal with it anymore, so I asked my GP if I could see a councillor and she said fine.

I've lost many friends over the years, I sort of push people away, and then it upsets me that they don't bother to hold on, as if I wasn't worth the trouble.

---

If I were you I would definitely go with Halls, you'll get to meet knew people and trust me you'll feel a lot more confident, I think if you stayed at home you'd just remain feeling like this for a long time. Like buttons said she got dragged out at the weekends and she's thankful that she did, so I think you should move into the Halls and I think you should put that confidence barrier up and who knows? It could work out for the best! You seem like a really nice person and I'm sure that this is just a stage you're going through because you've been hurt in the past. My brother moved house into like a really far away place where he had to get the bus into town if he wanted to meet his friends and he could never be bothered doing that so he stopped going out, later he started to think that he was turning into a weird loner and driving himself away from all of his friends. He began to lose confidence talking to people at school and felt really awkward with people when they tried to approach him. He also started to think that he was losing his friends because they were all going out with all these "new people" and never invited him because he isolated hismelf in the house that was far away so they must of just not bothered inviting him. He got really upset over this and stuff, but then he just one day got him and said ok i'm going to eb really confident with everyone and just try and get back to the way I was, and now all of that has just went away and he's back to the way he was before, I personally think it was because he was trying to get used to moving house so far away from town and to do that he isolated himself without even knowing it, but when he did realise he was isolating himself he started to do something about it. Which is what I think you should do, I think you should try and move into the Halls and talk to your room-mates, it could really help you, after reading this and buttons' post about how basically we have to make an effort to get out of this stage that you're in.

I hope this has helped you and good luck! I hope everything works out for the best.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lost

If I were you I would definitely go with Halls, you'll get to meet knew people and trust me you'll feel a lot more confident, I think if you stayed at home you'd just remain feeling like this for a long time. Like buttons said she got dragged out at the weekends and she's thankful that she did, so I think you should move into the Halls and I think you should put that confidence barrier up and who knows? It could work out for the best! You seem like a really nice person and I'm sure that this is just a stage you're going through because you've been hurt in the past. My brother moved house into like a really far away place where he had to get the bus into town if he wanted to meet his friends and he could never be bothered doing that so he stopped going out, later he started to think that he was turning into a weird loner and driving himself away from all of his friends. He began to lose confidence talking to people at school and felt really awkward with people when they tried to approach him. He also started to think that he was losing his friends because they were all going out with all these "new people" and never invited him because he isolated hismelf in the house that was far away so they must of just not bothered inviting him. He got really upset over this and stuff, but then he just one day got him and said ok i'm going to eb really confident with everyone and just try and get back to the way I was, and now all of that has just went away and he's back to the way he was before, I personally think it was because he was trying to get used to moving house so far away from town and to do that he isolated himself without even knowing it, but when he did realise he was isolating himself he started to do something about it. Which is what I think you should do, I think you should try and move into the Halls and talk to your room-mates, it could really help you, after reading this and buttons' post about how basically we have to make an effort to get out of this stage that you're in.

I hope this has helped you and good luck! I hope everything works out for the best.

---

The thing is though, if my friends weren't I probably wouldn't. But then I think, you only live there for one year, so I could still live at home after the one year, but by living there for a year, I'd have put myself on the map, or something like that anyway. Like I won't have been forgotten, because everyone has to live elsewhere, so it would be different afterwards. And I think my friend may end up going to the same Uni as me, so if we did then we could always share, although I don't want to be completely dependant, but maybe it's a bit of what I actually want.
But sometimes I'd feel bad if I left my mum, but it's not that she even says anything like she wants me to stay she says it's up to me, but I don't want to lose the bond we have.
What I'm worried about is does absolutely EVERYONE go out and party ALL the time? Cause I'm not a clubbing person AT ALL. And I really never will be.
Thanks for your advice by the way, I do feel a bit better, and maybe talking to the therapist will make me more confident in other areas!

Well, I totally know what you're going through :8

You need to get over the bad experiences. I just felt after being let down so many times that your family were most important and you don't need anyone else. I just told myself I only need friends for passing time but really it's not like that at all and they are essential so that's why you have to get over the grudges and whatever else. I was pretty much the same as you, when I got into high school I got into the rough crowd but I still stuck to getting my grades because I wanted to do well and get the best out of it, come 4th year when you could all leave pretty much everyone had already been kicked out or going onto the dole bar a few:rolleyes:

Everything just drifted there and then but then my old friends before that started inviting me out. Ever since it's been the 5 of us and it's a bit awkward now because they're a close group and have been together forever and I'm pretty much the outsider, so I still get worried that they'll leave me and let me down like so much times before and that's why sometimes I'm too scared to say something incase I offend any or do stuff they don't want to do. But then I'm afraid if I don't say anything I'll just become boring to them and they'll want nothing to do with me. It's just you gotta get over the fact they're your friends and will hopefully be there for you when you need them, I used to just keep everything to myself and not tell them because I'd think "oh they won't care, I'm nothing to them." I can be the loudest of people with a drink and my close friends but that can change within 2 minutes if I'm meeting new or people I haven't seen in ages, I just stand there quite shy whereas before I'd talk to anyone. My confidence went way down as I got older but I'm okay now.

Sometimes its as though I've got to watch what I say which can sometimes turn into hesitating and stuttering like yourself, I never used to be phased at all if something happened because I'd have friends to back me up or laugh along with it. I don't open up to anyone and I just have a "oh well, I don't care" attitude now even though I used to get really depressed about it aswell when I got home and I just wanted school to be over as soon as possible. I couldn't give you advice on how to get over the fears except just "give it time" but don't suffer yourself, that was the worse thing I did. I did confide in my mum but I felt like I was gonna be a burden to her and my friends and didn't want them to worry.

I choose my subjects for this year too but I got put on a reserve list for college and luckily someone dropped out so I got the place. I'm not going to be living away from home but that also freaks me out when I go to Uni, I don't know how I'd cope but again I just think mum won't care about me because nobody else does or ever has but there's no point worrying until then. College has opened up a lot of doors really, I've met up with old friends who have changed a lot. Make more time for your friends, instead of thinking they won't give a **** what you want (I'm not sure if you think that but I do and I can relate to everything you're talking about), if you don't make an effort they probably think you don't care, that's what I wanted in the first place for them to think I didn't care if they left me when it was exactly what I DIDN'T want.

As for your other post, you'll never get a chance to change if you're not going to make the effort to meet new people. Not everyone is going to drop you straight like that and after experience you'll probably be able to get on your two feet quick enough so just stick it out, uni is a great opportunity for you so you should live in the halls and make new roomates, otherwise you'll feel alone for a lot longer. They can't exactly throw you out of your own room but you should let your hair down while you're there anyway, I wish I took my own advice earlier :(

It's kinda embarassing to talk about it even on here so I think you should talk to someone other than your mum/therapist, you can pm me if you want anyway :)

I sometimes felt like that.
But I dunno, just dealt with it and got over it. Just went away. Wasn't really a problem, just how I'd feel every now and then.

I feel kind of like that starting college in September. Its the people around me which will irratate me I reckon, close to death. I can see me having some serious problems with college, however, from this I hope you can see that many people have many issues relating to school but I do see your problem, I think I had it, however there is no solution as my therapist put it down to OCD and taking what people think about me too seriously. Which is soooo ridiculous. (What are people gonna think about this post, I wonder who they think I am, ahh mind screw)

Just remember that you're not alone and there are people out there going exactly what you're going through.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Xzoid

I feel kind of like that starting college in September. Its the people around me which will irratate me I reckon, close to death. I can see me having some serious problems with college, however, from this I hope you can see that many people have many issues relating to school but I do see your problem, I think I had it, however there is no solution as my therapist put it down to OCD and taking what people think about me too seriously. Which is soooo ridiculous. (What are people gonna think about this post, I wonder who they think I am, ahh mind screw)

---

Yeah my mum says I take everything to heart, and maybe I do, any little thing someone says to me and I can spend ages thinking about the tone they said it in. It's not so much irritation, it's more what they think about me and usually I make up my own mind they won't like me so I decide I don't like them and then I can see if they all want to go out and stuff I'll probably resent them and think it's stupid, and I wish I didn't look at going out as stupid. I'd actually like to go and do those things!!

I think we should talk some time hun, I have the same problems; it'd be good to talk to someone who is experiencing the same problems as me.

As for advice, I wouldn't really know what to do, I'm still trying to work it out for myself. :eusa_whis

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NIKKEE

Yeah my mum says I take everything to heart, and maybe I do, any little thing someone says to me and I can spend ages thinking about the tone they said it in. It's not so much irritation, it's more what they think about me and usually I make up my own mind they won't like me so I decide I don't like them and then I can see if they all want to go out and stuff I'll probably resent them and think it's stupid, and I wish I didn't look at going out as stupid. I'd actually like to go and do those things!!

---

Yeah I totally understand what you mean. I hate it so much. The tiniest little thing. I don't even like walking in public thinking; "what does that person think Im doing down here" "do they think I look a mess?", stuff like this. This girl, at a party I went to a while ago now. I'd been there an hour, there was only about 14 of us. After being myself I went into the garden, chatting. I come back in and shes ******** me off. I walk in and shes halfway through talking about me, behind my back, bearing in mind I've never spoken to this girl before in my life, she said "...that guys just a dackhead, dont like him" Now at this point I'm feeling awkward. 3 of my mates are in the living room and they dunno what to do. Tell her "hey shut up" or just keep shtum. They kept shtum and so I was like "why do you think that?" she replied "just how u been talking and stuff". Now I never said this but I've always always though it. Y'know, what the hell, gives you the right to talk about me after what an hour of meeting me?- and! and discussing me with the rest of the people here!? YOU SHALLOW ******* ***** DIE IN A HOLE! Yeah, thats been on my mind for someeeeeeeeetime now, but man. It bugs me so much knowing I can't shake it.

But yeah, don't feel like you're out of place or worry about it. I like to think it's common, but yeah. I have sorta the same thing so its all normal and stuff. ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Xzoid

Yeah I totally understand what you mean. I hate it so much. The tiniest little thing. I don't even like walking in public thinking; "what does that person think Im doing down here" "do they think I look a mess?", stuff like this. This girl, at a party I went to a while ago now. I'd been there an hour, there was only about 14 of us. After being myself I went into the garden, chatting. I come back in and shes ******** me off. I walk in and shes halfway through talking about me, behind my back, bearing in mind I've never spoken to this girl before in my life, she said "...that guys just a dackhead, dont like him" Now at this point I'm feeling awkward. 3 of my mates are in the living room and they dunno what to do. Tell her "hey shut up" or just keep shtum. They kept shtum and so I was like "why do you think that?" she replied "just how u been talking and stuff". Now I never said this but I've always always though it. Y'know, what the hell, gives you the right to talk about me after what an hour of meeting me?- and! and discussing me with the rest of the people here!? YOU SHALLOW ******* ***** DIE IN A HOLE! Yeah, thats been on my mind for someeeeeeeeetime now, but man. It bugs me so much knowing I can't shake it.

But yeah, don't feel like you're out of place or worry about it. I like to think it's common, but yeah. I have sorta the same thing so its all normal and stuff. ;)

---

That sounds like social anxiety disorder too. People who have it are really bothered about what other people think. My friend has it and gets minor panic attacks if she knows she has to do public speaking because she's scared of embarrassing herself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by buttons

Well, I totally know what you're going through :8

You need to get over the bad experiences. I just felt after being let down so many times that your family were most important and you don't need anyone else. I just told myself I only need friends for passing time but really it's not like that at all and they are essential so that's why you have to get over the grudges and whatever else. I was pretty much the same as you, when I got into high school I got into the rough crowd but I still stuck to getting my grades because I wanted to do well and get the best out of it, come 4th year when you could all leave pretty much everyone had already been kicked out or going onto the dole bar a few:rolleyes:

Everything just drifted there and then but then my old friends before that started inviting me out. Ever since it's been the 5 of us and it's a bit awkward now because they're a close group and have been together forever and I'm pretty much the outsider, so I still get worried that they'll leave me and let me down like so much times before and that's why sometimes I'm too scared to say something incase I offend any or do stuff they don't want to do. But then I'm afraid if I don't say anything I'll just become boring to them and they'll want nothing to do with me. It's just you gotta get over the fact they're your friends and will hopefully be there for you when you need them, I used to just keep everything to myself and not tell them because I'd think "oh they won't care, I'm nothing to them." I can be the loudest of people with a drink and my close friends but that can change within 2 minutes if I'm meeting new or people I haven't seen in ages, I just stand there quite shy whereas before I'd talk to anyone. My confidence went way down as I got older but I'm okay now.

Sometimes its as though I've got to watch what I say which can sometimes turn into hesitating and stuttering like yourself, I never used to be phased at all if something happened because I'd have friends to back me up or laugh along with it. I don't open up to anyone and I just have a "oh well, I don't care" attitude now even though I used to get really depressed about it aswell when I got home and I just wanted school to be over as soon as possible. I couldn't give you advice on how to get over the fears except just "give it time" but don't suffer yourself, that was the worse thing I did. I did confide in my mum but I felt like I was gonna be a burden to her and my friends and didn't want them to worry.

I choose my subjects for this year too but I got put on a reserve list for college and luckily someone dropped out so I got the place. I'm not going to be living away from home but that also freaks me out when I go to Uni, I don't know how I'd cope but again I just think mum won't care about me because nobody else does or ever has but there's no point worrying until then. College has opened up a lot of doors really, I've met up with old friends who have changed a lot. Make more time for your friends, instead of thinking they won't give a **** what you want (I'm not sure if you think that but I do and I can relate to everything you're talking about), if you don't make an effort they probably think you don't care, that's what I wanted in the first place for them to think I didn't care if they left me when it was exactly what I DIDN'T want.

As for your other post, you'll never get a chance to change if you're not going to make the effort to meet new people. Not everyone is going to drop you straight like that and after experience you'll probably be able to get on your two feet quick enough so just stick it out, uni is a great opportunity for you so you should live in the halls and make new roomates, otherwise you'll feel alone for a lot longer. They can't exactly throw you out of your own room but you should let your hair down while you're there anyway, I wish I took my own advice earlier :(

It's kinda embarassing to talk about it even on here so I think you should talk to someone other than your mum/therapist, you can pm me if you want anyway :)

---

That's the exact same thing with my friends, if you can call them that. I barely speak to them at all, this is going to sound so sad, I hate even admitting this, but I do nothing ever weekend, every day at school I have no one to walk around with, and yet I know in my mind I'm a good person and I have a good personality, but I can see how people probably look at me and probably what they think, that I'm a loser. The group I sort of hang about with, they hardly make an effort with me, only the one girl does, whenever the rest (who are all boys) see my standing alone they just leave me there. No one ever tries with me, and it has really affected how I see most people, anyone I meet I immediately think is horrible. I never have anyone to talk to these things about, and whenever I tell my mum she's always like oh when you go to the counsillor things will be better. I wish for once she would just say oh but I'm your friend and I'm there for you, but she never does.
I actually really AM all alone, and it's horrible, really, really horrible.
I know what you mean when you say you want them to think you don't care, I do the same, yet if they did it would be even more damaging to me.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NIKKEE

That's the exact same thing with my friends, if you can call them that. I barely speak to them at all, this is going to sound so sad, I hate even admitting this, but I do nothing ever weekend, every day at school I have no one to walk around with, and yet I know in my mind I'm a good person and I have a good personality, but I can see how people probably look at me and probably what they think, that I'm a loser. The group I sort of hang about with, they hardly make an effort with me, only the one girl does, whenever the rest (who are all boys) see my standing alone they just leave me there. No one ever tries with me, and it has really affected how I see most people, anyone I meet I immediately think is horrible. I never have anyone to talk to these things about, and whenever I tell my mum she's always like oh when you go to the counsillor things will be better. I wish for once she would just say oh but I'm your friend and I'm there for you, but she never does.
I actually really AM all alone, and it's horrible, really, really horrible.
I know what you mean when you say you want them to think you don't care, I do the same, yet if they did it would be even more damaging to me.

---

Sad it hear all that - Can always talk to me as proven in the past whatever the time of day.

The good news is that it does get better, you'll never get into clubbing like i never did and eventually you're "friends" will go off to other parts of the country or other places and gather new groups of friends leaving you behind. the good news is you'll that friends who you used to get along with and simply lost contact come back and to be honest that's all you need.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lycan

Sad it hear all that - Can always talk to me as proven in the past whatever the time of day.

The good news is that it does get better, you'll never get into clubbing like i never did and eventually you're "friends" will go off to other parts of the country or other places and gather new groups of friends leaving you behind. the good news is you'll that friends who you used to get along with and simply lost contact come back and to be honest that's all you need.

---

I actually want a new start completely, I resent my old friends far too much, I wouldn't want to give them another chance.
But thank-you though, that's nice of you if you mean it.

as i said i'm always about in some form or another to talk.

I'd like to tell you my experiences and because they relate to yours and so on it might help. Basically, my 'friends' started to turn into proper ********s and started saying a lot of **** to one of my best friends, I didn't know what to do at this point so I just joined in, saying **** about him behind his back and so on. I so regret it. Anyway, one day I just told my 'friends' to **** off, I don't want anything to do with you anymore, and me and my best friend just moved to a different group, as it where. Best decision socially I've ever made.

Seriously, if you think your problems are because of the group your with and your friends aren't trying to talk to you or whatever, tell them to **** off. Try to build up your confidence a bit, try and meet some new people etc. And if you have no confidence, fake it. I got through some of my years faking it, and it gradually did build my 'actual' confidence up if you get what I mean?

Another little question that might hurt, because I know certainly hurt me when I got asked this, but it helped me think things through. Do you think you might suffering from a mild sort of depression, coupled with social anxiety disorder? If you do, think about going to the doctors. But only go if YOU think that's what it is, don't let somebody tell you what it is unless they're a qualified doctor.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kyle!

I'd like to tell you my experiences and because they relate to yours and so on it might help. Basically, my 'friends' started to turn into proper ********s and started saying a lot of **** to one of my best friends, I didn't know what to do at this point so I just joined in, saying **** about him behind his back and so on. I so regret it. Anyway, one day I just told my 'friends' to **** off, I don't want anything to do with you anymore, and me and my best friend just moved to a different group, as it where. Best decision socially I've ever made.

Seriously, if you think your problems are because of the group your with and your friends aren't trying to talk to you or whatever, tell them to **** off. Try to build up your confidence a bit, try and meet some new people etc. And if you have no confidence, fake it. I got through some of my years faking it, and it gradually did build my 'actual' confidence up if you get what I mean?

Another little question that might hurt, because I know certainly hurt me when I got asked this, but it helped me think things through. Do you think you might suffering from a mild sort of depression, coupled with social anxiety disorder? If you do, think about going to the doctors. But only go if YOU think that's what it is, don't let somebody tell you what it is unless they're a qualified doctor.

---

I've actually moved away from that group, and I mentioned about me and the other girl, well we hardly talk because she is always with her boyfriend, really I'm all alone.
And I KNOW that I'm really depressed, and it's riduculous for someone who is 17. My mum would tell me you really need to stop thinking about it, it's SOOO much harder than that. I was begging my mum to see a counsillor, but she was like it'll be on your medical records forever. We finally went to the doctors a few months ago, and recently my mum said to me you really should have done that ages ago, and I was so angry because she made me feel bad about it. But now it's OK, but I have to wait as there is a 6 month waiting list, so it could be another 3 months or so I've to wait.
It's been this way ever since my mum remarried and we moved away, but I still went to the same school, so I barely saw friends and things went from bad to worse and I gained loads of weight, and really just the worst time of my life and it hasn't improved.

it's probably because of the environment probably and certain people who make it horrible for you. I bet if certain people who you dont get on with were removed or left then you might find it more enjoyable - if you can ever enjoy school

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kyle!

I'd like to tell you my experiences and because they relate to yours and so on it might help. Basically, my 'friends' started to turn into proper ********s and started saying a lot of **** to one of my best friends, I didn't know what to do at this point so I just joined in, saying **** about him behind his back and so on. I so regret it. Anyway, one day I just told my 'friends' to **** off, I don't want anything to do with you anymore, and me and my best friend just moved to a different group, as it where. Best decision socially I've ever made.

Seriously, if you think your problems are because of the group your with and your friends aren't trying to talk to you or whatever, tell them to **** off. Try to build up your confidence a bit, try and meet some new people etc. And if you have no confidence, fake it. I got through some of my years faking it, and it gradually did build my 'actual' confidence up if you get what I mean?

Another little question that might hurt, because I know certainly hurt me when I got asked this, but it helped me think things through. Do you think you might suffering from a mild sort of depression, coupled with social anxiety disorder? If you do, think about going to the doctors. But only go if YOU think that's what it is, don't let somebody tell you what it is unless they're a qualified doctor.

---

I definitely know what you're talking about with faking confidence:P It's what I did when we first started college because if you don't you'll end up having no friends at all

you should stick it out (I know you have for years and I only did for half a year but a little more can't hurt?) then when you go to college/uni/get a job you have to MAKE the changes happen instead of just sitting waiting for others to come to you, you need to seem approachable even if you feel like giving the "I don't care" attitude because you won't get anywhere.. leaving school would be a great turning point and a fresh start if you make the effort with new people.

You're same with me, I'd only ever let my true feelings out to my mum and we came closer because of it, she made feel really bad because she was telling me to sort it out myself or stop complaining then I just felt no-one understood but she was right, you have to do it yourself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by buttons

I definitely know what you're talking about with faking confidence:P It's what I did when we first started college because if you don't you'll end up having no friends at all

you should stick it out (I know you have for years and I only did for half a year but a little more can't hurt?) then when you go to college/uni/get a job you have to MAKE the changes happen instead of just sitting waiting for others to come to you, you need to seem approachable even if you feel like giving the "I don't care" attitude because you won't get anywhere.. leaving school would be a great turning point and a fresh start if you make the effort with new people.

You're same with me, I'd only ever let my true feelings out to my mum and we came closer because of it, she made feel really bad because she was telling me to sort it out myself or stop complaining then I just felt no-one understood but she was right, you have to do it yourself.

---

I know, but right now I feel that I don't want to be friends with anyone at my school cause they've never made the effort. That's why I can't wait for Uni, it really will be a new start because I'll have had counsilling by then and hopefully things will have just changed for the better, right now I have my lovely family and I'd rather spend time with people who give me the time of day than people who pretend to be my friends!

NIKKEE

To tell you the honest truth mate, ive got exactly the same problem.

Right a couple of years back the school i loved and i was fine Closed down
because basicly it was a **** hole.
This was in year 9, i first went to another school. The first day i was there it was o.k i knew 50% of people in my year because the school was close to my area
when i got out at 3pm i hated it, i told my mum i couldnt face going back there.
so i had alot of time of school, and the education got me a place into ANOTHER school.. except i went there for around a week and hated that
its weird its like i have a phobia to the whole place
i know alot of people there and the teachers supported me.

in the morning i just couldnt get out of bed i felt so sad and kinda angry i even flipped out and got mad at my family.
i went to see a psychiatrist and they couldnt help me, i took anger management classes and that didnt seem to help either

now i aint going to school, ive got to find a job (like a part-time work placement) other wise my parents are going to get fined

idk whats up with my head or so on
they said it might be the mass amount of people in school
but its not that as i can visit malls with thousands of people and be absolutely fine.
The thing that bugs me is im not going to get any gcse's as ive missed alot of education, they said im a clever boy, i could catch up easily and get decent grades.. but i just cant (my school are trying to make out just because im 'clever' i cant have other things wrong with me... *****)

idk what to do either tbh. i just hate school.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NIKKEE

I've actually moved away from that group, and I mentioned about me and the other girl, well we hardly talk because she is always with her boyfriend, really I'm all alone.
And I KNOW that I'm really depressed, and it's riduculous for someone who is 17. My mum would tell me you really need to stop thinking about it, it's SOOO much harder than that. I was begging my mum to see a counsillor, but she was like it'll be on your medical records forever. We finally went to the doctors a few months ago, and recently my mum said to me you really should have done that ages ago, and I was so angry because she made me feel bad about it. But now it's OK, but I have to wait as there is a 6 month waiting list, so it could be another 3 months or so I've to wait.
It's been this way ever since my mum remarried and we moved away, but I still went to the same school, so I barely saw friends and things went from bad to worse and I gained loads of weight, and really just the worst time of my life and it hasn't improved.

---

I found that quite weird to read because all of what you've been saying has happend to me, and it all started when my parents got divorced. I started to hate everyone and everything. I would always say no when my friends asked me to go out because I just wasn't in the mood. I always thought that everytime I went out with them they'd be thinking "Oh is she okay, she seems really upset". I didn't want to put a downer on their fun and I hated talking about it because it made me upset. This obviously caused us to drift apart and I started to hate them because they'd stopped ringing me to ask me to go out. I'd then refuse to ring them because I'd somehow convinced myself that they'd given up and lost interest in me.

My parents are fully divorced now but they hate eachother and it's so hard for me - So I still have all these feelings you're experiencing but I'm starting to try and move on now. I'm starting College and I know I've got to move past this. I'm never going to meet anyone new if I just assume that everyone hates me.

I've spoken to the friends I mildly lost contact with and they understand. We still hang out now but I can feel like an outsider to the group because they all seem alot closer. I'm not very open and I often refuse to talk about my feelings - it's something I'm working on and I know it takes time. Even this is a big step to me, I'd never have thought about talking about this on here but when you find people in the same situation it's a lot easier.

Just remember you're not the only person who's feeling this way and hey, look how many people have offered to help you and out and talk about this with you?
That's got to feel good :) I hope it all works out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mk

NIKKEE

To tell you the honest truth mate, ive got exactly the same problem.

Right a couple of years back the school i loved and i was fine Closed down
because basicly it was a **** hole.
This was in year 9, i first went to another school. The first day i was there it was o.k i knew 50% of people in my year because the school was close to my area
when i got out at 3pm i hated it, i told my mum i couldnt face going back there.
so i had alot of time of school, and the education got me a place into ANOTHER school.. except i went there for around a week and hated that
its weird its like i have a phobia to the whole place
i know alot of people there and the teachers supported me.

in the morning i just couldnt get out of bed i felt so sad and kinda angry i even flipped out and got mad at my family.
i went to see a psychiatrist and they couldnt help me, i took anger management classes and that didnt seem to help either

now i aint going to school, ive got to find a job (like a part-time work placement) other wise my parents are going to get fined

idk whats up with my head or so on
they said it might be the mass amount of people in school
but its not that as i can visit malls with thousands of people and be absolutely fine.
The thing that bugs me is im not going to get any gcse's as ive missed alot of education, they said im a clever boy, i could catch up easily and get decent grades.. but i just cant (my school are trying to make out just because im 'clever' i cant have other things wrong with me... *****)

idk what to do either tbh. i just hate school.

---

me too :) it's really the little things that get to you
I didn't go to school today, I asked my mum if I could stay off, it's not like I need to be there, i've got my grades, and she understands I hate it so much so she said I can have today and tomorrow off
I'm staying off on Monday, as we're getting school photos and I don't want to be there and get one done and feel lonely
I'm really isolating myself, but I don't care, today was finally a half decent day all because I wasn't there
I hope things work out for you :) cuz I really know how crap it feels

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SuperNic.

I found that quite weird to read because all of what you've been saying has happend to me, and it all started when my parents got divorced. I started to hate everyone and everything. I would always say no when my friends asked me to go out because I just wasn't in the mood. I always thought that everytime I went out with them they'd be thinking "Oh is she okay, she seems really upset". I didn't want to put a downer on their fun and I hated talking about it because it made me upset. This obviously caused us to drift apart and I started to hate them because they'd stopped ringing me to ask me to go out. I'd then refuse to ring them because I'd somehow convinced myself that they'd given up and lost interest in me.

My parents are fully divorced now but they hate eachother and it's so hard for me - So I still have all these feelings you're experiencing but I'm starting to try and move on now. I'm starting College and I know I've got to move past this. I'm never going to meet anyone new if I just assume that everyone hates me.

I've spoken to the friends I mildly lost contact with and they understand. We still hang out now but I can feel like an outsider to the group because they all seem alot closer. I'm not very open and I often refuse to talk about my feelings - it's something I'm working on and I know it takes time. Even this is a big step to me, I'd never have thought about talking about this on here but when you find people in the same situation it's a lot easier.

Just remember you're not the only person who's feeling this way and hey, look how many people have offered to help you and out and talk about this with you?
That's got to feel good :) I hope it all works out.

---

It does feel really good, I was very worried when I first posted that people would think I was attention seeking, that's why I never tell people things about me! I never understand how some people can talk about themselves and it doesn't seem as if they're attention seeking, cause I feel that's how it sounds on the rare occasion I do.
My parents split up when I was 4, they're divorced and stuff, and my dad wasn't very consistent, and he still isn't. But when my mum got together with my stepdad, I really liked him, but my dad - and I wasn't aware of it at the time, my mum told me recently - he would say things to me about my stepdad, that he was ugly, and a pervert if he ever hugged me, and it's really affected our relationship, so my dad has basically destroyed our own relationship, and I've also had no chance with my stepdad. My dad is really selfish.
It was less about them marrying, and more about when we moved away. I never saw anyone, yet I was at the same school.
It's a horrible feeling when your friends give up, and so easily, it's really, really horrible.
Yesterday I was walking home and my friend was infront of me, her sister turned round and said hi, and she turned round and went to say hello as well, but her boyfriend looked at her and whispered, "no, don't," it was really obvious, and she was like wha...? and she just ignored me and walking like a metre infront of me and didn't turn round and I was so upset and embarassed and she was walking infront of me for ages whilst I was crying behind her. I haven't done anything to deserve it, but they've obviously gone off me this group, so basically I've got no-one, maybe one girl who I'm better friends with, we talk a lot, but that's really it.
It's cause I isolate myself, but now I don't care anymore, I told my mum and she said I can stay off school. And I'm really glad.
Thanks and I really feel for you feeling weird with friends, I've yet to see that girl and find out what happened, it was all very weird, and it's not exactly going to strengthen our relationship.
I hope you feel better though, it's a terrible feeling I know.