My friend is so bossy

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03-09-2010, 01:29 PM
Joey1

My friend is so bossy

Hello, long time forum reader, first time poster (H)

So was just wanting to get some advice on this, I'm 17 and I've been best friends with this other guy since we were like eight, problem is I think he takes me for granted these days.

I'm quite shy naturally and he is really dominant and loud and has lots of friends and stuff whilst he is my only proper friend. Lately I've noticed him getting me to do more and more things for him, like I can drive and he cant
and sometimes he texts me when im at home and tells me to come pick him up and take him places and stuff, even if i cant rly be bothered I just do it because otherwise he will be moody at school and i dont wanna be standing around at school on my own :(

I wasn't too bothered, I obey most of his requests because its just easier and most of the time he is cool and dont get me wrong we do have fun together, but today was first day back at school, we have a uniform which is a shirt, jacket, tie, you know like most schools, anyway, we've been back a week now and at my age everyone wears there tie really short and with like the top button undone etc. you probs know how I mean, and thats how I always wore it too, today though on the first day of this term my friend suggested we do up our top buttons, tuck our shirts in and make our ties longer and proper down to the belt, saying because we are adults now we should stop dressing immaturely, i wasnt really sure but I did it because he said he would too, so i was walking round dressed like a proper nerd, and when i met him at lunch that day he was as scruffy as he always was.....and when I went to undo my shirt button he stopped me and said I look better dressed like that, and he expected I was dressed that smart tomorrow too.

The next morning i got a text before school saying "remember to dress proper!", im really confused, i felt stupid for doing it but i did anyway, i dont wanna lose him as a friend but i dont understand why he would do this to me, and now i think about it, i think hes the reason im so shy and lack confidence, because hes always putting me down and dissaproving of everything.

Anyway today was for me the final straw, at lunch we were alone in the common room and he said he knew I enjoyed doing what he says (which I dont) and that he had used the uniform thing as a tester and because i had continued to dress how he had ordered me i will do whatever he wants.... and from now on im to call him sir instead of his name, and im to do whatever he says...i said "are you crazy?" and he said i needed him because he was popular even though all his popular friends told him to stop hanging around with me he still put up with me, and to show my gratitude I should make it up to him by serving him...I was so confused, my heart racing, after like 30 seconds in shock i just said...Yes sir....

Now what do I do? i think ive become his slave but its so hard for me to say no to him.
03-09-2010, 01:35 PM
Special

omg? what kind of a friend is THAT?

you need to forget about him, asap. it's like he is bulling you or something

he is taking advantage of you big time.. who calls their friend 'sir'?

seriously, get away from him, make some new friends
03-09-2010, 01:44 PM
Joey1

i know i know....easier said than done when you see him everyday at school though :(

and as i said, i dont hav any other genuine friends and he stops me meeting new people most of the time or steals them and makes them his friend instead of mine
03-09-2010, 01:47 PM
Special

well i'm afriad you need to make new friends! you can't be around this person anymore, he will start and literally rule your life
03-09-2010, 01:48 PM
Catzsy

He is taking advantage just because he can - you just have to learn to say 'no' and mean it. That is all you have to do. He sounds like a power and control freak to me and certainly has some issues. You will never be happy while he is 'controlling' you so don't do it. The consequences cannot be any worse and it will get you a lot of respect of others by standing up to him. You don't have to be rude - just say 'no'. If he drops you as a friend then he wasn't worth having in the first place. This is bizarre and maybe you should tell your parents about it. You are not his pet poodle! You might be on your own for a couple of days but it is much better than this. :)
03-09-2010, 01:53 PM
Sharon

Sorry but SIR? Is he being serious or just joking. I'd rather have no friends than a friend like that. You need to ditch him before he controls you properly
03-09-2010, 01:55 PM
Joey1

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catzsy

He is taking advantage just because he can - you just have to learn to say 'no' and mean it. That is all you have to do. He sounds like a power and control freak to me and certainly has some issues. You will never be happy while he is 'controlling' you so don't do it. The consequences cannot be any worse and it will get you a lot of respect of others by standing up to him. You don't have to be rude - just say 'no'. If he drops you as a friend then he wasn't worth having in the first place. This is bizarre and maybe you should tell your parents about it. You are not his pet poodle! You might be on your own for a couple of days but it is much better than this. :)

Thanks, I just told him on msn i wasnt gona do what he wanted anymore and he started shouting at me, (well you know, caps lock = shouting to me) swearing and saying no one will look after me and understand me like he does, saying I was overeacting and being a selfish jerk....I very nearly caved in and apologised but managed to stick to my guns and he said some other rly nasty stuff and then i just logged off. hopefully thats it now but im worried come monday morning he will be back onto me at school :(
03-09-2010, 02:00 PM
Catzsy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joey1

Thanks, I just told him on msn i wasnt gona do what he wanted anymore and he started shouting at me, (well you know, caps lock = shouting to me) swearing and saying no one will look after me and understand me like he does, saying I was overeacting and being a selfish jerk....I very nearly caved in and apologised but managed to stick to my guns and he said some other rly nasty stuff and then i just logged off. hopefully thats it now but im worried come monday morning he will be back onto me at school :(

Who cares??? He really is a jerk - big time!! How the heck can he say you are being selfish when he seems to be the most selfish person on this earth. Not worth knowing if you ask me and he does sound as if he has some mental issues. You really need to get angry with him I feel and have a word with one of your parents or a trusted teacher.
03-09-2010, 02:04 PM
FlyingJesus

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joey1

i dont hav any other genuine friends

He's not a genuine friend lol, when I was in school I had people like you who'd do whatever I said just to have someone and try getting a foot on the social ladder, but such people are always just a joke to the "master" in the situation and very rarely get any actual respect or become a real friend. I'm sure it won't be easy for you because he wouldn't have chosen someone with a backbone to turn into a slave (obviously that wouldn't be as easy) but it's better to be alone and dignified than have one person you call a friend degrade you so much. The fact that he's popular shouldn't really factor into it because his friends clearly haven't made an effort to become yours, so it's not like he's actually doing you any favours.
03-09-2010, 02:07 PM
Joey1

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catzsy

Who cares??? He really is a jerk - big time!! How the heck can he say you are being selfish when he seems to be the most selfish person on this earth. Not worth knowing if you ask me and he does sound as if he has some mental issues. You really need to get angry with him I feel and have a word with one of your parents or a trusted teacher.

Didnt wanna tell anyone cos im kinda embarassed about it....i know i shouldnt hav even let it get this far but now i have i feel ashamed to let anyone know. my parents arent the most down to earth kinda people and might not understand
03-09-2010, 02:30 PM
Catzsy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joey1

Didnt wanna tell anyone cos im kinda embarassed about it....i know i shouldnt hav even let it get this far but now i have i feel ashamed to let anyone know. my parents arent the most down to earth kinda people and might not understand

I really think they will but if they don't at least somebody knows. If not you can post here and I am sure lots of members will reply to you. FlyingJesus has made an excellent post above and he is someone most definitely to take notice of.
03-09-2010, 03:06 PM
N!ck

Better to have "no" friends than be around that idiot.
03-09-2010, 03:21 PM
Narnat,

Yeah I agree. Hes a jerk! I would rather have no one than him if I'm honest just keep sticking your ground. Good luck!
03-09-2010, 04:03 PM
Joey1

Guys, he has just been texting me, saying hes really sorry and he cant believe what an ass he has been, he says he wants it to go back like it was before and he thought I didn't mind cos i never complained.

What do I do? It sounds so genuine, and as I say, he has been my best friend for so long I dont wanna just lose him as a friend if he will be okay about it...

but he might be lying, but what if he isnt, i dont want him to be, i wanna believe him, such hard decisions :(
03-09-2010, 04:22 PM
FlyingJesus

Simple - if he's lying and nothing changes, you've proved now (not just to him, but to yourself) that you're able to stand up to him and tell him how it is, so you've at least gained the power to walk away properly if you do decide to give him another chance and he messes that up
03-09-2010, 04:32 PM
Mathew

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joey1

Didnt wanna tell anyone cos im kinda embarassed about it....i know i shouldnt hav even let it get this far but now i have i feel ashamed to let anyone know. my parents arent the most down to earth kinda people and might not understand

They're your parents. They stand by you whatever happens through life... they aren't like friends which you can ignore :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joey1

Guys, he has just been texting me, saying hes really sorry and he cant believe what an ass he has been, he says he wants it to go back like it was before and he thought I didn't mind cos i never complained.

What do I do? It sounds so genuine, and as I say, he has been my best friend for so long I dont wanna just lose him as a friend if he will be okay about it...

but he might be lying, but what if he isnt, i dont want him to be, i wanna believe him, such hard decisions :(

The question is whether he'll start it all up again in a couple of months, slowly (maybe unconciously) taking advantage. It's obvious you don't want to stop being his friend, so just reply saying you aren't going to take any more **** from him.. :)
03-09-2010, 04:57 PM
The Don

:o I was shocked reading this thread, He tried making you call him sir? :l I'd rather be a loner sat in a corner on my own than have someone treat me like that. He really isn't a 'Real' Friend. Now he's appoligising as he's realised he's crossed the line, but how far will he push you to the boundries. I bet over a period of time he will start to do it again, as someone above has posted. If I were you I'd reply saying "Ok, I still wan't to be friends with you but just remember im not your slave so don't treat me like one." That should be alright. But i seriously wouldn't wan't to be friends with some one like you. It sounds like he's just using you for your car, I know it sounds harsh, but that's my opinion. Hope it works out for you anyway.
03-09-2010, 06:14 PM
Joey1

Dammit....he just rang my mobile, we argued a bit about it but I suck at arguing and hes so clever its like he has a answer for everything, i got confused and kept losing my trail of thought in the arguments....in the end i was the one who ended up apologising for being such an ass even though its all him, he just twisted my words over and over, does anyone hav any tips on how to hold your own in an argument? i totally suck at it
03-09-2010, 06:21 PM
-Nick

Wow... That must of takin a lot of time writin that speacilly readin it but ... I think 'what kind of friend is that'
05-09-2010, 08:20 PM
Jordy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joey1

Dammit....he just rang my mobile, we argued a bit about it but I suck at arguing and hes so clever its like he has a answer for everything, i got confused and kept losing my trail of thought in the arguments....in the end i was the one who ended up apologising for being such an ass even though its all him, he just twisted my words over and over, does anyone hav any tips on how to hold your own in an argument? i totally suck at it

Could always think of a way to insult him beforehand, think of embarrassing things etc beforehand although this really isn't the way forward.

Just go along with how he is and see if he changes, if he doesn't, start standing up for yourself. What you really need to do though is make other friends so you can ditch him at some point as he's never going to be a "genuine" friend.

I personally cannot stand people like this, a good mate of mine recently realised how he could control other people and began using it to his advantage. Then he tried it on me and I told him straight away I won't be spoken to that way and you can **** off if you're going to do it again, other than a grovelling drunken apology from him, I haven't heard from him since seeing as he's so stubborn :)
08-09-2010, 03:38 PM
Rixion

Sooner rather than later, get rid. Manipulating you into slaving around for him, not a friend whatsoever.
08-09-2010, 10:35 PM
Camy

Seriously? I would suggest growing a pair and tell him to **** off. Noone deserves to be treated like that, and although it doesn't seem like it, you'll find other friends.
08-09-2010, 11:38 PM
Phil

Sorry to tell you but this is not a real friend. This is actually bullying, I gotta go to bed now but i'll post more tomorrow when I get home from school.
08-09-2010, 11:47 PM
beth

you need to learn to respect yourself so you won't take this guys ****.

you need to have enough self-love to rather be on yr own than with a **** like that. i know it's not easy and it took me a long time when i was 16, but once you learn to appreciate yourself and say no: you'll be much better off.