To the older members (17+)

I've just been reading through some of the 'love' and 'relationship' topics on here, and have found it quite amusing reading what some of the younger members have been typing, for example; their views on serious relationships at 13 years of age, and feeling love at 11. The fact that they think they are right always aswell makes me chuckle, I mean us lot who have been there and experienced our teenage years (early teen years) are wrong, because we can't possibly be right as they are different people. Even when it's nothing to do with opinion, but FACT.

Now the reason for this topic is I was just wondering, do you remember be this 'ignorant' (can't think of a better word) all those years ago?

I for one, honestly don't think I was like that, say 10 years ago. But it has been a long time so I may very well just not remember :rolleyes:

When I was 11,12,13, even 16, for me it wasn't about relationships and 'love', it was about playing footy with my mates, maybe even smoking a joint, and if I asked for advice from an older person, i.e my brother, I would take in what he said and try and learn from what he told me.

I'm 17 so i suppose this pertains too me, tbh i think i've felt love or atleast had the feeling of a crush, but
no matter how old you are whether its 6, 17, or 87 how can you exactly define love? Love can be different for everyone
so yeah maybe some of the younger members are caught up in something but i mean can you truly say what it is or isnt ?

Although i suggest living by 2 of my own personal rules FBGM and SWED for the males atleast

I know this is gonna sound a bit mad, but I'm jealous of those kids who think they're in love and all this. At least back then I'd be fixated on someone and that'd be that, but I'm 19 now and I can fancy like 20 odd people at one time and nobody really stands out anymore. Agreed that I used to be "ignorant" when it comes to that... I think I've wised up... I think. :P

I can remember. I remember year nine being basically running about chasing whoever walked past with reasonably good looks and a vagina and being obsessed with them for a week or two until they told me to bugger off and then the next one came along. It's easy to get lost in your own self delusions, as I found out for half a year or so in my last relationship which ended a couple of months ago. I don't really feel like Ryan does in that I am jealous, because I think I was a major **** back then in how I went about it - although these days I'm the opposite, far too cautious :P.

I don't think it's fair to criticise younger people for it, it's quite sweet especially if they do get on really well and you never know, some of them may last on well into their older teens and beyond :).

When i was about 14/15 years old i disregarded everything that older people told me about "love", i always thought you could love regardless of your age.

But I've just come out of a relationship that lasted for 17 months and I can confidently say that that is the only time I've felt real, proper "love". I don't believe you can until you reach about 17/18 years old, which is why I can't understand 13 and 14 year olds who think they are gay/bi/lez whatever - surely you can't know properly until you're old enough to love someone. But at the same time, I don't even think that is real love, surely you can't love someone you've only been with for a year in the same way that a couple that have been married for 20 years do?

The comment about someone being jealous of their ignorance - i'm jealous too, at that age, you've nothing to worry about in terms of someone always being there who you can't help but have feelings for. I'd love to go back to being 14 and "fancying" girls.

I'm actually 15 and I feel like I'm past that lol. I'm not going to lie and say like ohh I felt love already cos that's bull and I kinda agree with the guy who said you can't feel it until you're older tbh, cos I no way feel it now to anyone and the closest person I think I could potentially feel it to, I don't. It's the hormones/too much TV which makes people think it's love.

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Originally Posted by danzooo

I don't believe you can until you reach about 17/18 years old, which is why I can't understand 13 and 14 year olds who think they are gay/bi/lez whatever - surely you can't know properly until you're old enough to love someone.

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srsly....why not?


i'm 17 and i'm the type of person who falls for someone really quickly (mind you it lasts a maximum of 2 months). however, at the time i seriously believe i'm in love (lol) and nothing will convince me otherwise. i can tell you now, looking back, the only time i think i was actually in love was my first proper relationship when i was 14-15 years old. nothing has ever come close and i don't think it ever will and i can't see myself looking back in years to come thinking it was a silly little teenage thing because it's not. idk maybe it's true you always remember your first love but love doesn't have an age limit. no-one can tell someone else they're not in love when they're not in the situation nor experiencing it, so why people feel the need to preach it to young people, no matter their sexuality, is beyond me.

I think it's a bit harsh to call them ignorant, especially as you admitted we've all gone through that phase, and I think that's what it is, just a phase.
Once you enter secondary school there's so much going on its easy to get confused and sometimes emotions run high, so to them, it IS love.
I remember the same thing happening to me when I was 13, when my "girlfriend" of 3 weeks dumped me, I was distraught for a week, but then was best friends with her the week after!

To be honest I never really had a relationship till age 14, I had a few mess about relationships but this was the first time for me that I actually took it seriously. I ended up loosing my virginity to her and being with her until I was nearly 17, I thought I was in love if I'm honest, I was upset when I ended it but I knew it wasn't what I wanted so I thought best not to carry it on anymore. I got over it in a month, which imo is not even close to being in love.

I think even at that age I was still too young and niave, and maybe am still now. Or maybe haven't met the 'right' person yet. Still not really sure what love feels like, I'm over her now.. she's now dating my friend and I'm ok with that :) My parents told me as they both have one previous long-term relationship it took my mum 4 years to get over her ex! and 13 years for my dad!...

All I say is don't settle down and get all serious young, I wish I'd had more fun when I was a little younger! I don't think they're ignorant maybe just a little inexperienced in the matter, as I was at their age :)

I'm unsure. I went out with a lot of girls til I got bored and ended it after a few weeks. I think they should be enjoying their time with whatever they have rather than looking for love. In all fairness, if someone had told me not to 'love' this person or chase them I wouldn't have took any notice, but I would have looked back and thought what a waste of time it was. It's all about mistakes, I have many, but I'd never change them.

I've been totally put off relationships now. 7 months to then move half way across the world, just puts a downer on things. I never thought I experienced proper love, but then when it all fell apart it's only now I realise it.

I remember being in my first relationship at 14, thinking I was in love with him after a week, and even my first serious crush at 11, I look back on myself thinking that it was just fantasy, or infatuation. As much as we can look back and laugh at our past selves now, at the time, it just seemed like the most important thing in the world, and I'm sure older teens were laughing at us when we were going through that.

I don't say 'I love you' anymore, unless it's a joke or I seriously mean it. My sister, who's almost 15, has just got a new boyfriend, and on the night he asked her out, she updated her facebook status to say she loved him. After about 5 minutes. And with her ex, I distinctly remember overhearing her tell him that 'she realllly loved him properly', then broke up with him a week later. It's something that isn't going to stop - it's like, the circle of life (please do excuse the Disney reference). For all we know, there's adults out there laughing at OUR ideas of relationships...

but torres and his missus met when they were 1 and now they're picking babies from a cabbage patch

I've recently studied both the developmental and social aspects surrounding the phenomenon of love within childhood and general understanding of concepts such as relationships and friendship.

I think it's important to look at the levels of relationships and how they differ through certain ages:

(I know the ages aren't always gonna be accurate, but I'm going by what's generally accurate)

10-14 ~ Would class a relationship as two people who find eachother attractive, perhaps go around holding hands, kiss eachother, perhaps make out for the first time. These relationships are usually short and I feel that a lot of them are for show, i.e. get the best looking boy/girl you can - this will make you look good/popular. I know it was like this during my early teens.

15-18 ~ I think sexual experimentation holds huge power over relationships in the mid-teens and I think this can cause certain problems in naive teenagers who perhaps believe that because they lost their virginity to someone they are in love with them. You tend to see a few different types of behaviour in regards to relationships between these age ranges, often people become somewhat isolated as everyone around them seems to be having sex and they don't want to so they opt out of relationships, or people continue with the whole "go for the hottest boy/girl you can get" from the previous age stage have a short relationship with them (although perhaps two or three months rather than weeks) and then move onto the next one, however of course this is percieved as more "grown up" than in previous cases as sex is involved. However you cannot discount the serious relationships that do start between these ages, I know several people who started dating during these ages who are still together, I would say that now they are completely in love however you cannot really say this whilst any relationship is in the developmental stages, any relationship needs to develop before you can see whether it will go further and in most cases it won't.

After 18, people tend to just go around sleeping with various people or settle down within a longer-term relationship with who they feel is the right person (and they probably are the right person at the time) or they wait for the right person to come along.

Love is an overused word and I don't think it's wrong for these young teenagers to use it as it pretty much is true in terms of what their concept of love is - however this concept develops therefore the concept of love that older teenagers have is different to that of younger teenagers. It's all about development and it happens for every single one of us.

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Originally Posted by @K

The fact that they think they are right always aswell makes me chuckle

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As opposed to some older members thinking that suddenly age 17 you become able to know true love?

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Originally Posted by buttons

at the time i seriously believe i'm in love (lol) and nothing will convince me otherwise. i can tell you now, looking back, the only time i think i was actually in love was my first proper relationship when i was 14-15 years old. nothing has ever come close and i don't think it ever will and i can't see myself looking back in years to come thinking it was a silly little teenage thing because it's not

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This basically, I was the same age for my *+*FiRsT LoVe*~* and can honestly say I haven't been "in love" since no matter what I've thought a couple of times at the beginnings of relationships - as you say, it's looking back afterwards that you realise otherwise

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Originally Posted by Hecktix

I've recently studied both the developmental and social aspects surrounding the phenomenon of love within childhood

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You won't find justification for your actions ;|

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Originally Posted by Hecktix

I don't think it's wrong for these young teenagers to use [the word love] as it pretty much is true in terms of what their concept of love is

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Absolutely, it's all down to how you feel at the time. Infatuation is a form of love even in the immature stages of our lives and relationships

Oli's right in many respects of how we perceive love, especially during the years of adolescence and early adulthood as its a time where puberty occurs and when most of us mature mentally.

I can remember when I was 13/14, I had this massive crush on someone and it lasted until I was about 17. But through those years, my view of what I really felt for the person changed. And now I'm 20 (nearly 21 xD!), I really can't imagine ever feeling the way I felt about them.

I don't really think its fair calling then ignorant as after all its not like we're told exactly what you're supposed to feel when you're in love. And when you think about the amount of media exposure we have today of people getting all 'lovey-dovey' on TV and whatnot, its easy to see why people (in particular teens) would think that what they think people are feeling on a TV programme is what they're feeling at that moment in time.

Personally I think you can't ever imagine what true love is until you experience it for yourself. And that may happen when you're 13, 14, or even 30 and beyond. You may understand what it is, and what it really means, but until you've experienced it, you wont know what it 'feels' like to be in love.

i think ignorant is the wrong word to use, perhaps naive would sit better?

i remember being 14/15 and thinking that my life would be nothing unless i had a boyfriend, and now i look back and laugh at myself. i don't miss that at all, but i do miss having no worries. now at uni and worrying about housing and rent and debts and paying bills and buying food and still making sure i have money to spend on myself, and working full time at winter and trying to fit in still having friends.
i wish i was naive to the world again too, but i've always been pretty world-wary, i'm literally sceptical of most things now.

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Originally Posted by bethie

i think ignorant is the wrong word to use, perhaps naive would sit better?

i remember being 14/15 and thinking that my life would be nothing unless i had a boyfriend, and now i look back and laugh at myself. i don't miss that at all, but i do miss having no worries. now at uni and worrying about housing and rent and debts and paying bills and buying food and still making sure i have money to spend on myself, and working full time at winter and trying to fit in still having friends.
i wish i was naive to the world again too, but i've always been pretty world-wary, i'm literally sceptical of most things now.

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Call it what you wish with hindsight bethie however you were just a normal 15 year old girl.

Tbh, I find older people who look down on younger people saying 'you don't know what love is', 'you're too young' etc really annoying because there was probably a time when someone older than you was saying the exact same thing to you. There isn't some shiny moment where suddenly everything becomes clear, you're just as clueless as they are now because love is subjective and means different things for different people.

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Originally Posted by Hecktix

Call it what you wish with hindsight bethie however you were just a normal 15 year old girl.

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eh?! i didn't call it anything other than being a normal 15 year old!

If I'm honest I don't ever remember thinking that I was in love at the ages of 12, 13 and 14. I had boyfriends and sure I said "love you" to them but I said "love you" to everyone at that age. I didn't actually love them, love them, it was just affectionate and something you said I suppose. I didn't even care about sex at all at that age it was more about just having someone to hold hands with and being able to write "I (L) soandso" and my hand.

I'm 17 (nearly 18) now and I never say "I love you" to anyone unless I truly mean it, I'm very particular about who I say it to. I can look back now to my early teens and remember how I felt about my boyfriends/crushes but it's nothing compared to how I feel now.

I've been enjoying reading other people's views on this.

And FlyingJesus, I put 17+ because I meant the people who have left high school now and maybe in college, uni or just plain workng (or unemployed). Because it seems to me that when you leave high school it is when you really get a grasp on life, in my opinion it seems as though (although not in all cases of course), that when you leave high school you automatically mature, maybe not a lot or anything, but when it hits you that you have to start standing on your own two feet for possibly the first time you start to grow up.

P.S. FlyingJesus I've always been waiting for your comment on the subject, but I thought you'd have more to say ;)

I was bored and just realised I had been - repped along with a message saying
idiot, us younger members aren't ignorant, it's you older members being ignorant towards us!
So there is a lot of growing up to do I think. Especially as if a - rep was what, supposed to make me feel bad? I don't know, but the person wouldn't even leave a name or just what would have made his/her point stand out more, by posting in this thread.

Said everything that needed to be said on the subject, sorry if you were expecting an essay of some sort or a humourous comment about me and kids

My psychology teacher started going out with her boyfriend when they were 13 and they're still together, so I think in some cases the whole younger persons view of 'love' can work although that is very rare!
I don't think people should be judged for how they feel, even if they are young and it might not the same as an adults view of love.

And in answer to the original question I do remember very clearly when I was like ten and I thought every little crush I had was love, it's interesting how much people change with time and experience!

I personally would rather have a life than be hooked up with a girl all the time.
When i was 15/16 it was all about having a laugh with your pals, smoking the odd spliff, sipping the odd drink, experimenting with girls, playing footy and just generally going out and enjoying myself - not committing myself to somebody at such an early age.
I still wouldn't do that now and would much rather have a different girl every weekend LOL. :P

I ignored the +17 and I realise, you're referring to me.

I've never had a thread dedicated to me.... Thanks.

WHAT IS LOVE
ugh i will never experience it

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Originally Posted by wixard

WHAT IS LOVE

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BABY DONT HURT ME, DONT HURT ME, NO MORE.

Why are 12 year olds asking about love on a forum anyway, go ask your mum or something.

I'm 16 (I know it says 17+ but anyway) and when I was young like 11-14 I didn't even feel I was ready for a boyfriend let alone feel in love with someone. I also found out when I got my first boyfriends at 14 and I soon realised I was definitely too young to understand love.
At 16 however, I have became more mature, I do say, 3 people have noticed me maturing and so have I, however, I may always seem like I want a relationship as such, but if I was actually in one now I would be one of the first to say I wasn't ready!

I myself look at people having their first boyfriends at like 7 and I'm like wtf? I find that irritating, especially when they are like 'I love you so much baby.' i see where you're coming from when you say that it is quite amusing.

I don't find it amusing as such, I try give advice, but usually it's advice that steer them away from the relationship. They may not have even reached puberty left and they think they are going to be together forever and such..

I think that it is a good learning curve for those who are younger to experiences it at a young age (not too young mind you). It means that when they do grow up and become a bit more mature to have a serious relationship that they will be able to deal with it more and because they have made the mistakes younger they wont make them as they grow up older. I think they're is no need to criticise a young person falling in love it's just a fact of life it's just something that happens, And I'm with Jamesy on this it is really sweet!