My Father Died...

(this is long, ofc... only writting it to get some stuff out of my head)

Well I'm not looking for attention but only understanding that I'm writting this to get stuff of my chest and to see others talks about how I'm feeling at the moment.

My dad and mum finished when I was like 5, my mum moved on... got married, and so on. My dad, got more into drugs, lived on his own, then my brother moved in with him and they moved pretty far away and so on.

My dad was a drug abuser aka smack, crack. He used to take it every day, but moved quite far, with help from rehab, with my brother, so it helps him getting off it because how strong the addiction was, he couldn't of just stopped like that other wise he could of died anyway.

Well, so then he started taking it once a week, he'd come down here on a wedsnday, buy his stuff, and go back up. Take it, and that's it. He would have his described meth as well to help.

My dad wasn't a clean guy, had dogs, birds, etc, so all hairy and smelly... So I didn't really go up there much but spoke to him a lot on skype and stuff. Fell out a couple of times, but only over silly things.

Here is the last conversation I had with my dad on Skype.

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[03/08/2011 20:57:21] me: well i can come up... but what dont you understand that im actually 18 and should do more than comin up to sleep?
[03/08/2011 20:58:25] dad: well i dont know do i for one i aint got the money
[03/08/2011 21:02:42] dad: im lucky to be here i over dosed on that **** yesterday i was out for three hours collapsed on the kitchen floor
[03/08/2011 21:03:53] me: back
[03/08/2011 21:03:54] me: really?
[03/08/2011 21:04:14] dad: yea
[03/08/2011 21:04:45] me: and i bet that didnt even scare you and you're still gunno do it?
[03/08/2011 21:05:56] dad: well its that the stuffs been **** for time and now its getting good again so i just have to be carfull
[03/08/2011 21:06:29] me: what drug is it
[03/08/2011 21:06:39] dad: heroine
[03/08/2011 21:06:52] me: the one you inject?
[03/08/2011 21:07:09] dad: yea or smoke
[03/08/2011 21:08:36] me: how did you overdose
[03/08/2011 21:09:01] dad: i took it and collapsed
[03/08/2011 21:10:12] me: you're gettin older now anyway dad dont you think you should stop?
[03/08/2011 21:10:17] me: your body wont handle it for ever.
[03/08/2011 21:11:32] dad: its ither some one wants me dead and they gave me a strong one on purose or its just one of them things but i need to find out if other people have gone over to see wether it was meant for me
[03/08/2011 21:12:03] me: whats his name
[03/08/2011 21:12:14] dad: *****
[03/08/2011 21:12:37] me: 2nd name?
[03/08/2011 21:12:56] dad: black s********* on *****
[03/08/2011 21:13:16] dad: i dont know his second name
[03/08/2011 21:13:32] me: well if he wants you dead then dont take it frm him
[03/08/2011 21:13:38] me: and dont take it at all
[03/08/2011 21:13:42] me: stop takin it..
[03/08/2011 21:14:03] dad: yea well i am thinking of stoping
[03/08/2011 21:14:37] me: well why think? look at amy winehouse and other people... and they aren't as bad and as old.
[03/08/2011 21:15:34] dad: i know yea look i have to take nigel out ok i'll chat i a bit ok
[03/08/2011 21:15:40] me: kk
[03/08/2011 21:29:42] me: i just wish you came back down here.
[03/08/2011 21:29:50] me: you dont need to live out of telford to sto ptaking it.

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So this was wedsnday. And I got my brother who lives with him to get hold of him because he's been down here for a couple of weeks, and to see if he's okay and stuff, which he did, and told him what happened.

You see, my dad also worked for this guy selling the drugs, and made quite a bit.. And when he moved, he moved and skanked him off with a bit of money. So he's been after him for awhile, and apperently they sorted it. So what my dad was saying in the conversation was he might of done somethin to get revenge.

He also said it's been good lately. Meaning, for the drug... If it's not been good, a smack head would take more to give them what they need, so if they get used to taking that much, if they end up getting it good... and inject so much, they'll odd. so that might just of happened about the odd anyway, not too sure.

So after that, my brother was trying to get hold of him Thursday, house phone, no, mobile, no, friday, same, saturday, same... So he got someone to take him there, and to nock the door and ask naightbours the last time he seen him... nothin. so he rang the police, and the police nocked the door down and he was in the front room apperently lieing on the sofa (thats where he sleeps anyway). my brother was out side the door and the police nocked his head sayin yeah, theres a body.

So yeah, my dad died... You see, he might of been a druggie and knew he would end up dieing if he carries on, but I still loved him... I could speak to him, argue with him then laugh... I mean every year he's always been late for christmas and birthdays, this year.. he got it to me on the day, BOTH christmas and birthday.

Obviously, we don't know how he's died. Maybe he woke up from that overdose and stuff, and the next day it just touched him proper, blood clot or something, or his heart just couldn't take it.

My nan and grandad on my dads side also lost there son last year, and there old, and still worked, and have been so depressed and not working since... And now this.

And believe me, he tried a lot. Even doctors said if he stops he could die, just need to get a routeen so it goes down and down... He tried because he knew he'll end up dieing. People loved him, friendly, and people knew his name.

So yeah, all I've been doing is crying... Yesterday when they told me, I cried, and I haven't since I think I was so shocked and just didn't know what to think, now today, it's just touched me and I feel really down and omg, and can't stop thinking about things, and it's making it worse.

I know that was a lot to read if you read it... But don't worry, I live with my parent's and I don't even smoke seeing how my dad turned out and all his friends. and I know it's not right for some people to post this, but no one knows me personally... and i need to talk to people at the moment or just let people know what i feel.. i dunno, just something. :(

Words can't explain how sorry I am to hear this. Your post damn near moved me to tears. I am sure your dad knew you loved him very much though. By all means, have a good cry, because sometimes that's just what you need. It's good you've posted this to get things off your chest. I wish I could say more, but words just can't do my feelings justice. That's just life, I guess and something we all have to go through sooner or later. Know that you're not alone. Hope you're able to pull through. :(

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Originally Posted by Neversoft

Words can't explain how sorry I am to hear this. Your post damn near moved me to tears. I am sure your dad knew you loved him very much though. By all means, have a good cry, because sometimes that's just what you need. It's good you've posted this to get things off your chest. I wish I could say more, but words just can't do my feelings justice. That's just life, I guess and something we all have to go through sooner or later. Know that you're not alone. Hope you're able to pull through. :(

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That means a lot.. Thanks. At the moment I'm talking to family over facebook. But earlier I just felt really down, sitting here in my room no one to talk to and was just thinking and thinking... It came out like a wave. I was in shock when they told me. I don't know how I'm going to fight this at the moment, and I hope it gets better, I honestly do because this feels horrible.

Wow man, heartbreaking stuff. I know what it's like to lose family members but words can't come close to describing how it must feel to lose your dad. Just keep your head held high throughout it, I'm sure even through all your arguments you're dad wanted you to succeed in life. It'll get better within time and you just need to have a good talk with family and let it all out.

May he rest in peace.

Wow. This has given me a wake up call.
Sorry to hear your loss man, this story really touched me. I don't know what i would do in your situation but your being REALLY strong about it! I probably would have gone the same day i found out if it were mine. Just want to let you know that theres people like this all over the world, and he was in a sticky situation he unfortunately put himself in :( I'm sure it ended the best way possible, that is of course if it was from the collapse. Rather that then end up at gunpoint i suppose.. Being involved with those people it may have come to that.
That aside, if your ever really down and need someone to talk to, feel free to swing me a PM.
I know i don't know you, at all. But sometimes its good to talk to someone anonymous

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Originally Posted by lukeyo

Wow. This has given me a wake up call.
Sorry to hear your loss man, this story really touched me. I don't know what i would do in your situation but your being REALLY strong about it! I probably would have gone the same day i found out if it were mine. Just want to let you know that theres people like this all over the world, and he was in a sticky situation he unfortunately put himself in :( I'm sure it ended the best way possible, that is of course if it was from the collapse. Rather that then end up at gunpoint i suppose.. Being involved with those people it may have come to that.
That aside, if your ever really down and need someone to talk to, feel free to swing me a PM.
I know i don't know you, at all. But sometimes its good to talk to someone anonymous

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It's amazing and helps a lot talking to someone anonymous in fact. And thanks... I hope people read this and do get a wake up call to be honest... If you would to see my dad before he started, and then after... You won't even smoke like me.

Anyway, today's been busy. I seen my nan and so on today... It's hard for them because we only lost my uncle last year, so there other son. He drank, and got alchole poision. But it was only last year, and my grandad and nan worked, ages 70 and 67 and were both hard working, and since his death they haven't been because of the stress. And now this...

But yeah, we've been doing a lot of talking. Me and my brother are next to king so we'll have to sort it out. I mean, there going to help us because their family, but because we didn't get left a will or anything, we have no money at all and need all the support we can get of the family. We know he wanted to be burried, but if he can't because of the money, then we can't. But we're seeing the under takers tomorrow and sorting it out. Can't believe how much it costs to die!

I know what you mean about talking to someone anonymous, if you're having trouble dealing with the loss, and don't feel like talking to people that you know, or even that would recognise you as a Habbo player, I would reccommend shareascare, it's an anonymous facebook-type site, with groups and forums split into sections of people going through similar things, such as all disorders, loss, etc, and the thing that I find useful is the amount of people on there who have been through it in the past who can actually help you through it and give you advice. (I know this from personal experience of the site).

I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope you're holding up. You and your family are in my thoughts. If you ever want to vent/talk it through, I'm always here (PM, VM, if you want my msn just let me know), or that site, which I do think is so useful.

That's terrible I'm currently away on holiday and I lost my Nan last Tuesday and haven't mourned or grieved at all yet, I think it's worse being at home and I know my Mum just needed to get out of the caravan just to get away from it, it's tragic that he died and losing a parent is always tough. Time is a great healer and it's good that you haven't followed in his footsteps.

Okay, trust me I hate reading long things, but I read this and I am dreadfully sorry for you, I really cant say how in words, Even if he was a druggie he still had a right to live. You and your brother must be really sad at the moment,
I wish you both best of luck and may your father rest in peace. x

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Originally Posted by Marbian

It's amazing and helps a lot talking to someone anonymous in fact. And thanks... I hope people read this and do get a wake up call to be honest... If you would to see my dad before he started, and then after... You won't even smoke like me.

Anyway, today's been busy. I seen my nan and so on today... It's hard for them because we only lost my uncle last year, so there other son. He drank, and got alchole poision. But it was only last year, and my grandad and nan worked, ages 70 and 67 and were both hard working, and since his death they haven't been because of the stress. And now this...

But yeah, we've been doing a lot of talking. Me and my brother are next to king so we'll have to sort it out. I mean, there going to help us because their family, but because we didn't get left a will or anything, we have no money at all and need all the support we can get of the family. We know he wanted to be buried, but if he can't because of the money, then we can't. But we're seeing the under takers tomorrow and sorting it out. Can't believe how much it costs to die!

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Wow, i guess not having time for him to write his will definitely made things harder. I'm so sorry about your Nan and such, they deserve to be living a happy life at that age. Main thing to do man, is make sure your okay. Even if you have to get out and not worry about your family for a while.
It really is a wake up call, i'll let you know that. I smoke daily and to be honest i abuse recreational drugs for my own pleasure, and if anything you opened my eyes to the danger of me one day maybe loosing myself to my habits.

It cost's a bloody ****load to die these days, i know. It's ridiculous, I really recommend setting up life insurance when you turn 18. Don't want to leave it all for loved ones to pay for you when you die, plus it's a guaranteed funeral.
You and your brother are next of Kin? That's gotta be a bucketload. Keep your head up dude, at least untill the funerals over. Do your family proud.

This week's been a bit eptic now. Having to see undertakers, preist, pay up to like 3k for the funeral... I've never been through anything like this and I can't beleive how much you have to pay to die. I think anyone that want's to kill themselves are just people who don't know what your family would have to go through.

Anyway, his body is released now, and his funeral is in 2 weeks. Being cremated. And then we're berrying his ashes next to my uncle that died last year from alcolic poison.

http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._6161887_n.jpg

The one on the left is my dad. He changed a bit after that, got a bit scruffy... Remeember this was only like 5 years ago! And the one on the left is my uncle. The middle, my arntie, got married.

Really hard looking at it knowing they both gone within 18 months!

and dont worry, i dont take after my dad at all!

---------- Post added 12-08-2011 at 11:57 PM ----------

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Originally Posted by lukeyo

Wow, i guess not having time for him to write his will definitely made things harder. I'm so sorry about your Nan and such, they deserve to be living a happy life at that age. Main thing to do man, is make sure your okay. Even if you have to get out and not worry about your family for a while.
It really is a wake up call, i'll let you know that. I smoke daily and to be honest i abuse recreational drugs for my own pleasure, and if anything you opened my eyes to the danger of me one day maybe loosing myself to my habits.

It cost's a bloody ****load to die these days, i know. It's ridiculous, I really recommend setting up life insurance when you turn 18. Don't want to leave it all for loved ones to pay for you when you die, plus it's a guaranteed funeral.
You and your brother are next of Kin? That's gotta be a bucketload. Keep your head up dude, at least untill the funerals over. Do your family proud.

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bucketload indeed!

I went to see my dad today at the Chapel Of Rest. I weren't too sure because it was a, regret seeing him, or regret not seeing him. I'm glad I seen him! He looked really peaceful, libs were purplish but the rest just looked like he was sleeping really. At first when they opened the doors I seen him then turned off and started crying my eyes out. it started everyone else of seein me, and got load of hugs. went to sit down with my grandad for a couple of minutes, went back in, was okay, stroked his head... didn't really say anythin i was thinking too much. then cried again when we were going.

Has to be the hardest thing I ever done. My brother wasn't going to come, but he did... and was braver than me.

Oh wow, I am so sorry for your loss. I actually cried reading that o-o
I really am sorry for your loss, and may he rest in peace :)

I'm sorry for your loss :(

I tried putting a speach together. I have to get it sorted before Monday... Not to sure what to put... i just started writting it and stuff. have no clue its hard :(

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So here we are again, saying good bye to another loving family member, but this time... It's you dad. We both know you

didn't want to leave us, and if anything... We're proud to see how much you tried for both of us. We're lost for words,

it's only the other day we both spoken to you, and it was only the other week we were pickering at each other... Good times

though, where you would just laugh at us when we're angry. But you were there, and you still are.

Life did catch on, and stuff isn't fair. But no matter what will happen, You will always be there, and so will the memories

forever stick with us both. We'll never forget the mornings where we wake up with the music on and you singing with the

dogs. Never forget the moment when you put gone of cheese in a paster bake, but still thought it tasted nice... Things like

that, we'll never forget.

You were loving, caring.. Well when you wanted to be. We just wished that you done more for your self instead for others.

You were a great father, friend. and I wish we could of spent more time together, but now, your here in our hearts forever.

You look after Darren now, and we'll look after each other down here like you would of wanted.

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ach other down here like you would of wanted. [/QUOTE]

I really feel for you. I lost my Dad when I was young and know just how sad and confused you are right now. Nothing will help you feel better at the moment but all I can say is that with time you will remember him for the good times you had. The speech is fine. It comes from the heart and that is all that matters. xx

Be patient on this. Get a spirit and always pray for him.

Omg I'm sorry :( Death of a family member really can tear someone apart, I know how it feels :(

I feel real bad for you hun.
May god bless you throughout your journey.

I'm sorry for your loss and I can really understand what you're going through.

My grandma died last year after battling Alzheimer's. It was so horrible, she couldn't recognize us in the last days of her life.. and when she died.. she looked so peaceful... The face I had never seen before, as she spent most of her life in depression.

There's nothing much we can do when our dear ones leave us. Hope you move on.

RIP

My dads funeral was Monday. And we berried his ashes on the Wednesday. Went good, a lot of our damily from wales came down, and everyone I knew who were friend's with my dad came. We don't know how he died yet, should do soon though.

It's been awhile since I posted here. But I'm just posting to say the inquest was today, and it was indeed a drug overdose.

My grandmother died three years ago due to diabetes and hepatitis C. Well, she suffered a lot and I used to give her medicines. Trust me. There were 10+ pills to be taken every morning. And you know what's the saddest part? She's illiterate and worked as a caretaker to raise 5 kids. One day, she was working at a hospital and accidentally contracted the Hepatitis C virus. She died peacefully. I'm more relieved that she was dead. I wouldn't wanna see her suffer. And then there was my uncle. Well, he's an alcoholic. Always come back to his house drunk and didn't give a **** about his kids. Died last year but he was a nice guy after all. Then, there's my aunt who died of lung cancer. I visited her once when she got lung cancer and it was very hard to look at her. She was like a dried up cucumber. Lost a lot of weight and was very very very weak. But hey. There's a reason why all of this happened. We just gotta move on with our life and I do hope you'll feel better. Probably felt a lot worse than I did but it's not easy. :'(
May his soul rest in peace.

It's good to post your emotions anonymously on here, as its a good place to vent where you can ignore posts if you wish.

I am extremely sorry for your loss :( It must be a horrible feeling. It's as case of, once your hooked, your hooked and like you said, there isn't much your dad could have done to stop it apart from attempt to take less and less. It just didn't work :(

I hope things get better for you and your life turns out well!

Take care :) x