INTRUDER! INTRUDER! - Ends 19th July

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If you were sitting alone in your house lets say on the computer at 3am and you heard a burglar coming in, needless to say it'd be a very scary moment. If your only option was to approach the situation, there may only be a certain amount of things that could be done, or said!

Imagine you heard a burglar come in, he's in the kitchen and you hear him rummaging. You've crept up to the kitchen door and you need to come up with something to make the burglar leave immediately. If you were in this situation, what would you SAY to make the burglar leave? The most clever answer will win!

Prize: 5 credits + 10 rep

Let's just settle this Santa, I have already left you a pork pie, a carrot and some milk, IT'S JUST GETTING WARMED UP NOW!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by iiLion

Let's just settle this Santa, I have already left you a pork pie, a carrot and some milk, IT'S JUST GETTING WARMED UP NOW!

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I dont like pork pies :(, ill drink the milk and give the carrot to rudolph but i expect cookies next year

Back on topic.

Me: Hi there, How are you today, im doolally
Criminal: ooh ooh ah ah
Me: oh so your here to steal my stuff
criminaL: OOH OOH AHH AHH
Me: OOOH OOOH AHHH AHHHH
Criminal: Well thats just plain silly, get a grip (walks out door)

Me in the bathroom. Criminal outside the bathroom, in the corridor.
Criminal: *knocks on the bathroom door* Hello?
Me: Who's there?
Criminal: I've come to steal your stuff and possibly shoot you. I need to break down the door. Are you decent?
Me: Wait a second, let me put a towel on!
Criminal: Thanks! I don't want you feeling awkward in the last moments of your life!

Me: Hey, hows it going Mike?
Criminal: My name isnt Mike
Me: So hows your day been then Mike? That is the best prank ever going round stealing TVs!
Criminal: My name is NOT Mike!
Me: Mike, Mike, stop kidding me seriously! -pulls off mask. Oh hey Mike...
Criminal: -screams, runs out of door-

Er, the spoon is in the left cupboard. You're in the wrong one matey! Do you want a cuppa . . . NOW GET THE HELL OUT BECAUSE YOU'LL BE WEARING THE CUPPA YOU **** HEAD!

Not sure .. But i got a funny story about it :D

Burglar Joke
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot...

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus."

Okay, well. I'd hide behind the door growl and bark like a dog. Afterall, if you do it fierce enough then the burgler will most likely get a fright. Even more so if he wasn't expecting it.

I'd yell " YOU BETTER GET THE HELL OUT. DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY, YOU WONT LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY!'

This is just to be funny. " Burgular, you have about fix seconds to get out. I had way too much greasy food today and i'm sure this fart that is about to come will kill you, spare yourself. "

You preted to be a ghost. Leaning round the corner of the door there is a light you switch it on and off and make ghost noises.

If I knew that the burglar was coming, I'd be laying on my sofa in a dark red corset, fish-net tights and high heels on.
I'm a male, so he'd run fast.