Do you think gay people choose to be gay? Do you think straight people choose to be straight?
do not give a yes or no blunt answer u boring people.
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Do you think gay people choose to be gay? Do you think straight people choose to be straight?
do not give a yes or no blunt answer u boring people.
No you don't choose it but it is entirely your choice whether or not you act upon it and often people confuse the two.
There are both biological and social influences but the choice is ultimately down to the individual.
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I think there's a deeper meaning to why someone chooses to be gay. Whether it be from past experience, or from personal desire. All cases that I've heard (and yes this does change from person to person) all had traumatic experiences as a child/young teenager that was resulted in the decision to do so.
Personally, no matter what a person's sexual orientation may be - they are just humans. Just like everyone else.
What kind of traumaQuote:
Originally Posted by bikini
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Traumas that may include sexual or physical abuse. It could possibly stem from parental neglect as well. Those types of traumas.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyle
I think probably a very small amount of people are born definitely gay or straight. But like I said it's likely to be a really small amount of people, like just occasionally a genius or a natural dancer is born. But most people have to choose to work hard to be smart/amazing at dancing just like most people make choices throughout their life that will influence their sexuality.
I don't remember making a conscious decision to work hard at school, it was the decisions I made (and the decisions I was encouraged to make by adults around me) to value education. It's probably the same with sexuality: you don't wake up and think "I am suddenly straight", but there might be a day- it might take a lot longer- when you realise that you are gay and have been for some time.
I don't really know that much about it particularly as I'm unsure of my sexuality myself. But at the end of the day I don't really think it matters. IMO I can change my mind about my sexuality at any point I like throughout my life if I realise I want to.
no i didn't choose my sexuality. if i look back, i know i fancied girls when i was already too young to know that it wasn't "normal" or to know what sexuality was.
there's evidence for genetic predispositions, environmental influences, a combination between the two, prenatal stress and hormones.
if you ask a gay person they will most likely say no. unless they're political lesbians, who choose to date women only, despite being attracted to males. choosing to date only one gender is different to actual attraction. i don't think you can force it but then again i don't know what it's like to be only attracted to one gender.
but really @bikini; you've heard people say "i went through ____, so i chose to be gay"?
if a woman told me she'd chosen to be bisexual/lesbian or a man told me he'd chosen to be bisexual/straight then i wouldn't want to date them. afterall, the woman could choose to be straight the next month, or the man choose to be gay after, right?
@Empired; what do you mean you can change your mind about your sexuality if you want to?
No I said it wrong but likeQuote:
Originally Posted by buttons
I can think I'm bisexual now but realise I'm a lesbian in the future and that would be ok. If your life experiences are what decides your sexuality, surely they can go on changing it for the rest of your life?
yeah plenty people do that, i understand.
i've known that i like both genders for a long time but in the past i've been solely attracted to men and solely attracted to women. i think it depends what gender i'm around more at the time but it's never a "i'm going to choose to only fancy men/women today".
i suppose sexuality can be fluid in that you never know what will happen in future. my friend thought she was straight she had kids with a man, had only dated men in the past blahblah, we would go out to the gay bar with another friend and she met a girl and they fell in love and she was late 20's at the time and that was the first time she'd ever experienced attraction to a woman. that's how it is for me, it's just simply the person i'm attracted to, so in my head being straight makes no sense, but clearly in the real world it does if the majority of people are. i still don't think that is a choice though, she didn't go to the gay bar, meet a woman and decide to be bisexual or fall in love with her but *realized* she could have attraction to women.
I believe there are several influences and that people choose what to label themselves, but their sexuality it is not a choice.
Fluid, but not a choice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bikini
???Quote:
Originally Posted by bikini
it's actually the other way round, traumatic experiences like abuse come from not having heterosexual behaviour. also the other ******** theories like "you're gay if u dont have a strong male figure in your life!!!!" have been proved wrong long ago although they never carried a scientific base anyway, just assumptions. also your original post seems condescending and negative because you implied (whether intentionally or not) that not being hetero is a result of some kind of mental trauma.
OT: I agree with what Undertaker and buttons said
Are you really suggesting that homosexuality is a conditioned response to trauma and everyone who's ever been interested in the same sex is a victim like reallyQuote:
Originally Posted by bikini
No, I wouldn't of chosen to be gay but my god I wouldn't change for anybody
I enjoy how as soon as I have said what I believe people jump down my throat. @buttons; I have had people say that to me.
Situations that I have heard (from a lesbian) is that they had been treated wrongly by men and that they chose to be a lesbian. Which has brought trauma to them... Which answers @FlyingJesus; @karter;
I never even said I hate GLBTs. I treat them as humans. As we should all do so. What is so wrong with that. I don't segregate anyone for what their sexuality is.
I don't mean to speak or make it assume I am speaking condescending because I have no intentions.
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Oh yeah, we choose our sexuality just like we choose how tall we're gonna be, how deep our voices will become and what diseases we're genetically prone to get later in life. As an infant i was indecisive about what color i wanted my eyes to be, and they eventually ended up being a mixture of gray and blue. All bisexuals probably faced this same problem. Luckily for some, they get to grow up in a society where other people can re-decide this for them! Like, really, all they need is to be told what's accepted and what isn't, and with some beatings, a few threats and some good old ostracism the wrong sexuality will be driven out of them in no time.
Lol.... can you please elaborate on this? I have a hard time understanding how people can actually buy this crap. Would you, if something traumatic happened to you, suddenly decide to become gay? Would another traumatic experience reverse the effect? Maybe it would make you transsexual?Quote:
Originally Posted by bikini
And even if we pretend you're right and say that every single person that isn't straight has this sexuality because of something traumatic that happened to them; wouldn't that be the exact opposite of a "choice"? "I was sexually and physically abused my whole childhood, my life will probably become so much easier if i become gay! Who wants to be normal amirite?!"
@bensoberserk; please read what I had posted before you posted.
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No-one said that you hate anyone just that your views are provably wrong and paint all homosexuals as victims of abuse suffering from a trauma that makes them that way - essentially stating your belief that homosexuality is a disorder
choosing to date women does not make you a lesbian. being attracted to women solely does. so you can't choose your orientation but you can choose how to act upon it as already said.
@FlyingJesus; I never ever said my views were right.
And to @buttons; then how can you explain those who go from a married man/woman who goes like many years in a marriage and then one day end the marriage and turn gay/lesbian? Does that mean he had been lying the whole marriage to their spouse?
Or what about the person who thinks he/she is gay but then lives his whole life dating the opposite sex.
I am sorry if I sound like completely rude or misunderstanding, I don't intend on doing so.
And also if we go back to the title of this post its, "do you 'think' you choose your sexual orientation." Which I was stating.
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Why would you have views that you don't think are right and yes latent homosexuality is a thing
I love debates on here concerning sexuality or gender lmao one comment can turn 99% of the user base into a pack of rabid dogs!
'Control' over 'choice'; people claim to not be able to choose who they are attracted to but are able to control those desires if they wish. X
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Your post doesn't answer my questions. Let's put it like this: do you think any external factors could make you change your mind regarding what sexuality you want to belong to? And by doing so, would your attraction to the opposite sex all of a sudden be completely eliminated? Because by saying homosexuality is a choice, this is what you're telling gay people to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by bikini
Well, who says everything you know is right? You only know when people tell you, or when you learn about it from either experience or from being informed by a person who has been through it.Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingJesus
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Quite correct, and now you are being informed :P
sigh this isn't what you're gettingQuote:
Originally Posted by bikini
scenario number one - possibly lied about their sexuality. OR they thought they were straight, fell in love with the same sex, therefore fancy both sex or end up having a reference for the other. that doesn't make them a homosexual. bisexuality/pansexuality exist. choosing to date someone doesn't mean choosing a new sexuality.
scenario number two - think you're gay but date opposite sex still makes you gay? :S you're gay because you're attracted to the same sex. you don't become straight because you choose to date the opposite sex instead.
Oh I know. As soon as someone doesn't see the same view as someone else it becomes a battle... Life is life though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyle
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i agree but are u straight? cause many of us who aren't don't like to be told it's a choice, otherwise we would choose not to be confused and bullied about our sexual orientation.Quote:
Originally Posted by bikini
Personally I think everyone is born bi-sexual to a degree; but with a swing to either way.
I would say it's biological with a social aspect accentuating it - you are bisexual but are gay as that's what you feel - meaning this would give you an outcome of gay or straight etc.
I do believe that it's 'born this way' than 'gone this way' in my humble opinion, being a 'gay' man.
Yes I am straight.Quote:
Originally Posted by buttons
Sorry that you've been bullied about that.
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dont worry about it im not using it to invalidate what you believeQuote:
Originally Posted by bikini
but i notice a lot of the beliefs about choosing comes from those who don't know what it's like to not be straight.
what you're saying is correct, some may choose to date only one gender but that doesn't decide what their *orientation* is because if you date the same sex but like the opposite sex, you're still gay.
What's the point of telling people your views if you don't want to discuss them? Particularly in a forum dedicated to debates?Quote:
Originally Posted by bikini
Feel free to answer the question in my previous post btw :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlVBg7_08n0
"And I can't change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to"
I think I've posted my views, and people didn't like what I had to say. That's the end of that. Why you got a +rep for this is beyond me because it doesn't prove anything.Quote:
Originally Posted by benzoberzerk
I don't think you worded that very well, but nonetheless- yes. I think there is a factor. If you've been abused emotionally, and having someone tell you that you're worthless and then repeatedly call you either gay/lesbian - I'm pretty sure after that form of abuse you will start to believe in what people are telling you.Quote:
Originally Posted by benzoberzerk
And even looking at those who have been gay/lesbian their whole life; So they go through the same thing. Emotionally abused, being called worthless because they are gay/lesbian. Those same words will sink in and make the person choose not to be gay/lesbian because they rather not go through the same abuse.
Referring to my situation above, yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by benzoberzerk
Then I guess that would make me such a bad person.Quote:
Originally Posted by benzoberzerk
------
Nevertheless, I would say that my situation that I had made above would depict maybe 5-15% of actual situation... but if we're speaking from the world we live in; Homosexuality is still being attacked on. People are dying from both suicide and murder because of this situation.
Maybe instead of sitting here on this forum pointing fingers at people because they think a certain way, why don't we all use this motivation and bring an understanding to the fact that gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transvestites are being attacked everyday for this exact situation.
I just don't see why just because I said one thing makes me stand on the opposite side of everyone else..
- - - Updated - - -
And I say my last post noting that there are a lot of people who are okay with their homosexuality. They know who they are.
I love my friends who are gay. I don't look at them any different. They are who they are.
Well then, excuse my poor choice of words. I'm simply trying to keep this conversation on your level because you seem very reluctant to try to understand where i'm coming from. I'm honestly not trying to discredit you and i apologize if you feel like i'm attacking you.Quote:
Originally Posted by bikini
Your "situation that you had made above depict maybe 5-15% of actual situation"? I'm not sure what that means, but if you're talking about your entire argument then i don't understand why you would base your assumptions about what makes someone gay on this 5-15%?
I don't believe you're entirely wrong about abuse, some types of it can most likely play in although little research support it. I just don't get why you're arguing that this would be the main reason for not only someone becoming gay, but someone actually deciding to become gay.
You don't realize that this is exactly what the majority of the people in this thread are trying to do..? And that the reason people question you is that you use very similar arguments as all those who oppose homosexuality because in their eyes it's a disease that one could and should be cured of?Quote:
Originally Posted by bikini
I'm not actually talking about my entire argument. I agree with what everyone said. Haha, I just thought that bringing an addition to what everyone else said, because if you look at what everyone else has said... It's the same thing... Why say the same thing as everyone else. That wouldn't be such a debate, would it? :PQuote:
Originally Posted by benzoberzerk
And I would agree on this. Definitely not the only/main reason. As I noted above. I do believe and agree in what everyone else has said. I was just supporting this side of the original message Kyle had asked me at the very beginning. Not that it was my official answer, but it was an addition to everyone else's answers.Quote:
Originally Posted by benzoberzerk
Does this make sense?
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Poor Brad! If you ask me his original post was badly worded and didn't represent what he was actually trying to say. Anyway the idea of finding your sexuality is purely abstract and no two people will ever discover their sexuality in the exact same way. If Brad thinks it's down to traumatic/life experiences, maybe for him it IS down to that. Is it so difficult to believe the origins of peoples' sexualities can come about in different ways?
I'm not entirely sure I agree with all you have to say, Brad, but I actually do kinda see where you're coming from about the idea of "traumatic" experiences. However, I don't think it's necessarily just "traumatic" experiences, but life experiences in general. For example I have no strong, positive male role models in my life and so find it very difficult to be comfortable around males in real life because I don't know how to act around them at all. Because of this, I spend more time around females meaning I'm more likely to end up attracted to one of them because I spend more time getting to know them better, I feel more comfortable around them in general, etc.
The idea of "traumatic" experiences only really seems to impact homosexuals/bisexuals I think. And even then, it doesn't change their sexuality it just suppresses it. So like your family/peers can bully you and make you feel awful about being gay so you try to hide it but it still never actually goes away.
I thought I'd bring back this video for anyone who hasn't seen it. It's an interesting watch and really makes you think:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnOJgDW0gPI
No, I don't believe people choose their sexuality. I didn't choose to be attracted to girls, I just am. If people did choose their sexuality then why on earth would we still be getting gay people in countries such as Uganda where it's heavily persecuted against?
I like the way you said that no two people find their sexuality the same way, and yes. I think your view has a lot of meaning behind it too because generally everyone wants to be around someone they feel comfortable around whether be the same gender or not.Quote:
Originally Posted by Empired
And suppression is such a better word to use. Thanks for your post. I'll rep it once I'm on a computer since I don't know how to do so on tapatalk
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This on so many levels. I never chose who I was attracted to. If anything, it's my genetics since I have always enjoyed both genders since before I could fully understand it. If someone tells you they became gay because of something that hurt them, I don't know how that would even work (Maybe I'm ignorant on that part), but every person of the LGBT community that I know personally have always told me that they were born that way. They all grew up in different forms of lifestyles, economical backgrounds and more with nothing bad happening to them that would turn them gay. They just are what they are and none of us can really explain it.Quote:
Originally Posted by buttons