Could do with some opinions.

Hi guys, I don't usually do this, but I've got to the point where I need some opinions from other people.
Where do I start? My partner and I have been together for the past 3 years, we have a child together etc. She has recently just started working at a bar/club in the evenings, whilst I'm working during the day doing physical lifting etc.

I look after our son whilst she does the evening shifts, but I'm starting to notice a odd change in the way she is. I've never liked the idea of her working in a bar especially Friday and Saturdays, partly because when I've done security, I have seen what alcohol does to people and how people can change, however I cannot physically stop her from working in one, and I wouldn't, because that wouldn't be acceptable. Now she's a very stunning woman, and any man would jump at the chance to have a shot, in my opinion.

Don't get me wrong, we've had our ups and downs in throughout our relationship like any normal couple does, but this just all seems too bizarre. It's as if we haven't got a connection since she's been working there, but I'm not sure whether this is just me, or if this is really happening, even though she tells me not to worry, and that she loves me (It's easier said than done)

Am I just being paranoid?

Although I obviously can't help with whether there is anything going on or not, but have you considered that being paranoid/worried/concerned/whatever you want to call it will do nothing in your favour either way?
Paranoia will start negatively impacting your relationship even if you don't mean it to, and it may turn out that there was nothing going on at all. If there is something going on she is very unlikely to confess to it and you really don't have enough evidence to be able to even ask her about it without it getting upset.

Nonetheless (and I've said this so many times on other forums) communication in a relationship is key. Have both of you sit down and talk about what's making you nervous and see what she has to say. And whatever she says (if you can be fairly certain that she's being honest) you have to accept it and go with it. If she likes working there then there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, like you said.

I'm sure I had more to say but I've forgotten what it is for now. So anyway, keep us posted! :) x

what security work have you done

Just venues, like brixton academy, 02 arena etc, tour de france

oh right so show and events?

yeah, but i'm licensed for doors also :p

I think that you should truly voice the relationship and how it makesd you feel to her, state that you do trust her you just want to gain that connection and more tiome together, mayby she could change job, also focus on the kid and just think it would be forever one lil one goes to playgroup your have more flexible time! anyway i wanted to wish you luck mate

so sia then?

but yeah my fam have grown up around pubs and clubs so naturally we've all worked in them, so i can see where you're coing from in your OP
if shes telling you not to worry and everything alright then just trust her

Yeah, I suppose you're correct with what you're saying. That's what I'll continue to do.

Best thing to do is to speak to her, especially with concerns like that. It's only gonna make you feel worse if you bottle it up and let it eat away at you. Like you said it could just be paranoia and that's just natural considering it's a recent job but maybe she's run down and that's why she's acting differently? Dunno. I hope it all works out like!

Trust her. You're working different hours, probably having less physical contact with eachother and consequently less time to just talk to eachother. What you see as a change in her behaviour could just be tiredness. Set aside one day each week or two for you both to have some personal time together. Go on a date, watch a movie, binge watch a TV show, go paragliding, whatever. Just rid yourselves of any distractions and indulge, enjoy each others company as if you just started dating. Talk to eachother. Naturally having a child can be difficult when arranging this sort of thing but it is important to keep that spark alive, so make the grandparents babysit, they love it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kyle

Trust her.

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This might be an obvious one but it needs to be done. My girlfriend does sports massages for athletes from time-to-time and I just let her get on with it. People are likely to hit on her but they're the ones who are going to be drunk, not her. At the end of the day if she is going to cheat on you, she is going to cheat on you - and you don't want to be with someone like that.

A relationship is based on mutual trust, communication and support. There is no one here that can give you better answers than her. Sit down and talk it out, even if it's awkward, rare, or whatever. If something is not right you need to settle it because if you keep it to yourself you will just make wrong ideas and panoramas that are far away from reality.

Discuss the problem, evaluate the options and decide, but do it together, as a team.