France.

[Addie.]

Chapter One-

Wooo! No more school. Well. Not for two months. It's the summer holidays. Me and my two best friends Cali and Abbie are going to hang out all summer. I got home from school with my mum, dad and little sister Amber at the dinner table.
''Claire. Sit down.'' Mum said.
I sat down. ''What is it?'' I asked.
''We have great news!'' Dad said.
''IS SCHOOL NEVER COMMING BACK?'' I said with a grin.
''No, Better.'' Mum said. My grin slipped away.
''Well what!?''
''This whole summer we're going to France. As I have a drama class there.'' Mum said excitedly.
My jaw dropped. ''WHAT!?''
''Honey, Come on.'' Dad said.
''Wwwhen???'' I asked.
''Next week. So start pa'cking.'' Mum said passing me jaffa cakes.
I took the Jaffa Cakes to my room and began pa'cking. Not like I got to decide if I could stay. I munched on a Jaffa Cake. I put my clothes and that into my suitcase and phoned my best friends Abbie and Cali.
''I'm MOVING to France for two months!'' I said angrly.
''WHAT?'' They said.
''Yepp. My mum is making us go. Her stupid dramma class!'' I said.
''Well thats not fair!'' Abbie said.
''I know.'' I repeated.
''CLAIRE COME ON. WE'RE GOING SHOPPING FOR SOME BITS AND BOBS.'' Mum interuppted me.
''I gotta go. Probarly phone you next week.'' I said. ''GOODBYE!'' I said slamming down the phone. I picked up the jaffa cakes and went downstairs.
We got into the car and my little sister Amber fell asleep! I woke her up when we arrived though. We got out and my mum lifted her up. Mum took me and Amber into girl shops and dad went to find some clothes for himself.
''Claire. Amber, Pick some clothes for France.'' She said.
I picked some stuff and thats all. Amber tried to pick the same as me too.


Chapter Two later. Please comment.

[Embean]

Very cool.
I wouldnt mind going to france for two months ;o
AND WHO GETS 2 MONTHS OFF SCHOOL?
Totally not fair
Anyway, MORE x
Emmyyyy x

[Tommy]

I get 2 months off
And erm the chapter is way to short, you need to think to yourself what is a chapter and what is a paragraph.

[Embean]

I get 2 months off
And erm the chapter is way to short, you need to think to yourself what is a chapter and what is a paragraph.

I am so jealous.
I get, what?
1 month and a few weeks.
MEAN!

[Addie.]

1, I always do chapter 1 short.

2) I know what a chapter is im not stupid

3) I know what a paragraph is im not stupid

4) Thanks Emmy

[Tommy]

Ok well also you need to make the first chapter the most persuading chapter. There is no point making it the second because the person might of put the book down by then. The story needs to be gripping from the word go. And yours is rather boring. Wether the story is gonna get better i dont know but i wouldnt read on.

[Addie.]

Do I look boved?

Its my story

Geez,

[Tommy]

Do I look boved?

Its my story

Geez,

If your going to post on a forum, i suggest you want critisism, learn to take it mate ¬.¬

[Addie.]

If your going to post on a forum, i suggest you want critisism, learn to take it mate ¬.¬

I know how to take it. Your just being like -blah blah blah-

[Tommy]

I know how to take it. Your just being like -blah blah blah-

That -blah blah- is an attempt to help you, muppet.
I know my english very well and im passing down what i know. If someone tells you while your young you might become a good writer.