No Sleep Tonight (Only first chapt. posted)

[Rusty_x]

It was an ordinary night really, Friday 13th to be exact. And Molly was having a sleepover with her two best friends, Andrew and Spike, to you and I you'd think that her mother would be quite unnerved that her 15 year old daughter is going to be sleeping next to two boys of the same age, but Molly's mother knew Andrew and Spike as if they were her own sons.

Friday 13th was a special day for these three friends for it was on this very night 7 years ago they met. Molly was only 8 and she was playing in the river near her house, the same lake her mother told her to stay away from she disregarded her mothers warning and went down anyway. The lake was quiet, the way she liked it only two other people were there, two boys. One was sitting under the tree with his knees up to his chest looking scared and another was shouting at an apparent bully, Molly took no notice of the boys as she needed not to. She took her red jelly shoes off along with her socks and lay them down on the rock, the sun was warm and bright on her face so bright in fact that she couldn't see where she was putting her feet and she slipped under the water and hit her head knocking her unconcious, the boy who fought off the bully heard her yell before she slipped under water and ran over to her. for an 8 year old he was very strong, he pulled her out and carried her to her house and told her mum what happened and just left a name. Spike.

Since then Molly has never left Spike's side, neither has Andrew for Andrew was the small child being bullied that day. Spike was the big brother of the group, and his real name wasn't Spike it was William but he hated it.

"I can't believe my mum and dad are letting us have the house alone." Molly said jumping on her bed.

"I know! The scary DVD's, the pitch black night," Andrew stopped short and began panicking, "turn the lights back on!"

This custom was normal of aAndrew, he would get too scared and have a panic attack, thankfully Spike had became used to this and he carried a paper bag in his pocket to help him breathe.

"Molly, his inhaler is in his bag, in the front pocket. Can you go get it please?" Spike asked her, as she slid herself off the bed, while he assisted Andrew with his breathing. Andrew took the paper bag away from his mouth.

"Why don't you just talk to her Spike? I can see you like her, go for it. She likes you." Andrew huffed.

"She doesn't want to ruin what we have, she would never like me in that way. She sees me as a brother." Spike sighed back.

Molly hopped up the stairs with her hair flowing behind her, she used to have blonde hair but she dyed it a brilliant red colour just to annoy all her teachers, she knew it annoyed her mum but Spike loved it so she kept it that colour. When she opened the door to go into her living room a frightening sight shook her. Everything in the room had gone, Andrew's bag wasn't there nothing was. All the furniture had gone from the room, she rubbed her eyes to see if she was dreaming but all that came to her once she opened her eyes was the set of steak knives her mum locked in the non-existent cupboard. Molly ran to the stairs to shout for Spike but when she looked back everything was in it's place, and in the middle of the coffee table was Andrews bag. She grabbed the bag and ran up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door shut.

"Molly? What's wrong? You're paler than normal and shaking!" Spike said, leaving Andrew to find his inhaler and to hold Molly in his arms.

Molly loved to be held by Spike, his muscular arms enveloping her. the feeling was mutal as Spike loved the feel of her soft skin on his. Molly told Spike of what happened and for the first time in his life, Spike looked scared.

By the way, I wrote this story for my coursework and I've adapted it quite a bit in this version and I got my grade for it I just wanna know what you guys think. Thanks.

Rusty

[Frank459]

MORE PLS MORE PLS

OMG SUSPENSE

What grade did you get?

Its gooooooooood as good as my lunch.

[infatuation]

yhyhyh!
moreee.
it's good.
+rep.

[Eternity]

I like it
i might put some of my essays up to see what people think
i got real good grades on my portfolio, i think!

[Zample]

great. more! +rep.

[luke-p]

Thats truely amazing!! I want to read the rest Lol • +REP!

[JoeComins]

I dont like it. It seems to immature, and your use of vocabulary is limited and your use of puncuation is attrocious. Commas where either a full stop or a semi-colon should go.

I would give it a B/C personally, due to alot of errors, and lack of vocab.

Speach: Afterwards, you use Huffed, or said Molly, jumping on her bed.

If you want a higher grade, you should ditch some of these, and use more complex ways to say whose speaking.

[Rusty_x]

ot to be rude. But my teacher (Head of English) gave me an A grade for this bit of work, and that was last year I'm older now and handed it back in re-vamped and he gave me another A for it.

Rusty

P.S Do yall want more of it?

[Chaz]

Woah, i like it, nothing too simple, plus its nothing too hard to read ;D

[JoeComins]

And is this for GCSE?
Or is A for effort?

Its jsut rather empty, and lacks something for me