Internet humor

~~Camci~~ · 07-06-2007, 08:23 PM

You know you are addicted to the internet when..

1.You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
2.Your bookmarks take 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
3.Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
4.You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
5.Your night dreams are in HTML.
6.You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
7.You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
8.You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
9.Your dog has its own home page.
10.You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.

TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE:

1.They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
2.They periodically cut you off right when you think you've established a network connection.
3.They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.
4.They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already invested so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to remain with an under powered system.
5.They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time you have their attention.

FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE:

1.No one but their creator understands their logic.
2.Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3.The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
4.The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
5.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Is Windows Vista a Virus?

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do:

1. They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay, Windows does that, too.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yes, that's with Windows, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So, Windows Vista is *not* a virus