Premonition Redone - With More Grammar.

[Oidz]

I've redone it, and the other one I did can be seen here.
http://www.habboxforum.com/showthread.php?t=425838

Now I've edited it, and see what you guys think.

Jim, a man who was never suppose to escape death.
Linda a women who tried to stop death happening.
Jim was driving in his car, to notice that his wife was in the car behinding him. As he pulled over, his wife as a glimmer of happiness in her eyes thinking that she stopped death from happening told Jim to turn around and then drive back home. Jim turned around to know the car which was suppose to kill him didn't hit him. Linda for a few seconds thought that death itself has been stopped. But after thoes few seconds a truck came down the road, Linda tried in all her power to tell Jim to get out of the car but he tried the door didn't work the car wasnt working either as the truck
put on its brakes as the truck went sideways it crashed into the car as in thoes few seconds Jim would face death almost instantly decapitating his head as the car went under the truck as the car exploded as Linda could only look on to see death itself cannot be stopped and one way or another death will find you.

[zeJosh]

[quote]
his wife as a glimmer of happiness in her eyes thinking that she stopped death from happening told Jim to turn around and then drive back home. Jim turned around to know the car which was suppose to kill him didn't hit him
[/quote

Should be:

His wife had a glimmer of happiness in her thinking she stopped death, and saved Jims life. She had told Jim to turn around and drive back home, knowing the car
which was supposed to end his life. Missed him completely.

[Oidz]

Thanks For That
+Rep

[zeJosh]

No problemo

[FlyingJesus]

I've redone it, and the other one I did can be seen here.
http://www.habboxforum.com/showthread.php?t=425838

Now I've edited it, and see what you guys think.

Jim, a man who was never supposed to escape death.
Linda, a woman who tried to stop death happening.
Jim was driving in his car, to notice that his wife was in the car behind him. As he pulled over, his wife had a glimmer of happiness in her eyes. Thinking that she stopped death from happening she told Jim to turn around and then drive back home. Jim turned around to know the car which was supposed to kill him didn't hit him. Linda for a few seconds thought that death itself had been stopped. But after those few seconds a truck came down the road, Linda tried in all her power to tell Jim to get out of the car. He tried the door but it didn't work, the car wasnt working either; as the truck put on its brakes, as the truck went sideways, it crashed into the car as in those few seconds Jim would face death, almost instantly decapitating his head as the car went under the truck. The car exploded as Linda could only look on to see that death itself cannot be stopped and one way or another death will find you.

Fixed just the grammatical errors there, but it stills makes little or no sense.