Descriptive writing.

[lew!]

Hello, I am doing a descriptive peice for my coursework in english. I have to describe a place.

How do i write about creating atmosphere?
Thanks

So far i have:
The harbor.


The sun was blazing down on the small groups of families wearing light clothes. The odd young woman with her designer sunglasses wandered down the cobbled streets, passing modern cafes with their huge glass doors swung open, creating a smell of coffee that wafted into the air, enticing thirst-quenched people.

At the end of the path a tramp was wearing a green camouflage coat. He sat, casually observing the water as bypassers looked at him disgust. The occasional person was throwing in a two pence coin, and his dog faithfully led beside him. His eyes were begging them to give something. The tramp looked jealously towards a man.

A busker was standing in the middle of the path, strumming away. His open guitar case was catching the coins that were tossed excitedly by a crowd of onlookers who were tapping their feet. They looked hypnotized by his music.

A few meters down the path, young kids were sitting on the edge, hanging their crab fishing line into the water. Their father’s hands were around their waists anxiously making sure that they didn’t fall in. The hook dangled in; it disturbed the glistening water that was sloshing against the rocks.

The swans gracefully drifted away as the ripples of the disturbed water got nearer to them; their heads occasionally ducked under the tranquil water to check for food, a soggy piece of bread was thrown in and it floated upon the surface. The swans fought and squawked over the bread, interrupted by the hum of a boat.

The boat was chugging along; its large, industrial metallic blades disintegrated the bread before the swans got to it.
In bold white letters, ROYAL FERRIES stood proud against the other small, tatty crafts that bobbed up and down that were firmly chained to the wooden posts.
Its earsplitting horn bellowed through the dock and startled the tourists.

The smell of fish overwhelmed the harbor, spreading like a disease.
The dock-workers with their frayed blue suits used their squeaky rusting forklifts to load the bulky objects into the refrigerated lorries.

The different sounds and views of the harbor created a mood which felt like you’re on holiday, a remote village in the south of France, or a port in Spain.

[Immenseman]

The first thing I thought after reading the piece is that it sounds too much like a list and lacks any rhythm or flow which good descriptive pieces need. The actual description itself is decent you just need to integrate it into one piece of writing better.

[Crimson]

Sometimes being very descriptive and not making much sense until the end can create a wonderful atmosphere in descriptive writing. Use a theasaurus - it's a writers best friend!

I would suggest that you try to focus on writing about the descriptive side of it, rather than going off on a tangent and describing something else. Focus on one particular thing and stretch it as much as you can.

Other than that, it's quite good. There's just a couple of grammatical errors in there - but nothing too severe.

[lew!]

Yeah, to be honest when I wrote it before it sounded like I was actually describing things in detail but my teacher said it was wrong. I was using the wrong tense (personally I think Present tense is better than past but that's her idea!)

ALSO, What is your opinion on using 'was' all the time?
For example, A busker was standing

Before her "corrections" i had a busker stood,
Which do you think is better

And thanks for advice +rep

[Crimson]

Present tense builds up more of a scary sort of.. feel. Alot of horror books are present.

I understand what she means about the 'was'. The corrections give it a little bit more flow. When you say 'was' it sounds like it's more of a child reading. However, sometimes it fits.

Sounds strange but I dont mind it if it's plural. If you had said; "Some buskers were standing" - I wouldn't mind, just for some reason the word 'was' puts me off... for some reason.....

[Madox]

Use your 4 senses look, smell , taste ,hear describe all of those and trust me ull get a very high grade take it from me that they only thing the teacher puts when marking my coursework

[Throne Sofa]

I don't know about you, but I got bored after the first three or four lines. Excite me.

[lew!]

I don't know about you, but I got bored after the first three or four lines. Excite me.

Thanks for the non-constructive criticism. :rolleyes:

+rep to everyone else.

[Madox]

Thanks for Rep

[Throne Sofa]

Thanks for the non-constructive criticism. :rolleyes:

+rep to everyone else.

It was constructive. My criticism was that I thought it was boring, and it was constructive because I told you to excite me.