What do you think? [About a girl]

[dude753]

Ello Ello,

I didn't post in the Straight forum coz gay ppl can post too, its not really a straight-exclusive thing.

Basically, me and a girl have really liked each other for ages. Since we left, school, we've been getting closer and closer - we're really close.

My parents are away at the moment so I invited her to sleep round my house. I'm 16 by the way.

She came round, and we were in my bed (I didn't expect to have sex with her - she's not that easy :p).

I started kissing her neck and cheek. We've never kissed before, we really should have coz we're so close. She didn't move away or show any sort of sign of being negative.

Then, when I was just about to kiss her on the lips she turned her head away .

Me: How come we've never kissed before?
Her: I was just wondering that.
*silence*
Me: Because I really really like you.
Her: I dont know, it's just, I don't know.

I started kissing her again but she turned her head again when I approached her lips.

Me: Am I really that bad?
Her: No not at all. It's not that, I just don't want to.
Me: How come?
Her: Because then it would mean something. It would really mean something between us.
Me: Do you not see me like that then?
Her: Yeah I do. I really really like you. I really do. It's just... I don't know.
Me: Explain. Say everything, don't worry if it will upset me.
Her: I really like you, but we're going to college soon - and then we won't see each other anymore.

Then later when we were falling asleep she apologised 4 seperate times and said she felt bad.

I know she isn't playing me, and she really is sorry - I just don't understand why she won't kiss me if she really likes me? She has kissed guys before. She has kissed guys who she has just met in a club.

What do you think? Do you think I should keep trying with her or not? There was not awkwardness with her today, we're still all over each other physically. I really don't understand .

Thanks

[FlyingJesus]

Like you said, I don't think she's playing you, I think she really does like you and probably doesn't want the two of you to get hurt when you go off to college (I'm guessing you're going to different colleges or it wouldn't be a problem). The fact that she's allowing some stuff to happen physically shows that she's well into you and would probably like to take it further, and although I don't think you should actually pressure her into it, I think it's probably fine for you to continue with things as they are. Keep inviting her over, and just do the usual - kissing her neck and such, maybe a bit of touchy-feely, but keep it to sensual stroking (stomach, legs, etc., maybe a couple of cheeky slides over her you-know-whats and if you're subtle about it, her you-really-know-what) at first rather than grabbing whatever sticks out straight away. Be gentle, be loving. If she wants things to get rough and ready, let her initiate it or at least wait for some sign that she wants it to happen. Bear in mind that her fears of you two being left heartbroken when college starts may well happen, so if you do get with her you only have yourself to blame if you get hurt from it.

Another way to look at it might be that she wants to get with you physically, and although she likes you she doesn't want to get emotionally involved, because of moving to different colleges. I gather this theory from the fact that you said she often kisses complete strangers in clubs, which shows that she views sexual love and intimate love as two very different things. If this is the case, then it's probably in your best interest to also adopt this train of thought, so that you don't get hurt when college starts.

[dude753]

Yeah that's a very good reply.

What I said about her kissing other guys was misleading. She doesn't do that often, what I meant was that she has done that before so she's probably not nervous about the kiss itself (I thought people might reply saying "she's nervous about the kiss").

[FlyingJesus]

Sorry, didn't mean to make it look like I was saying she's loose ^_^ Just meant to analyse the way she views the physical side of things. Again, it doesn't make her loose or easy or whatever, just that many people see some things as just physical fun, and then other stuff (in this case, kissing on lips) as meaning something more.

[Nightrose]

Like you said, I don't think she's playing you, I think she really does like you and probably doesn't want the two of you to get hurt when you go off to college (I'm guessing you're going to different colleges or it wouldn't be a problem). The fact that she's allowing some stuff to happen physically shows that she's well into you and would probably like to take it further, and although I don't think you should actually pressure her into it, I think it's probably fine for you to continue with things as they are. Keep inviting her over, and just do the usual - kissing her neck and such, maybe a bit of touchy-feely, but keep it to sensual stroking (stomach, legs, etc., maybe a couple of cheeky slides over her you-know-whats and if you're subtle about it, her you-really-know-what) at first rather than grabbing whatever sticks out straight away. Be gentle, be loving. If she wants things to get rough and ready, let her initiate it or at least wait for some sign that she wants it to happen. Bear in mind that her fears of you two being left heartbroken when college starts may well happen, so if you do get with her you only have yourself to blame if you get hurt from it.

Another way to look at it might be that she wants to get with you physically, and although she likes you she doesn't want to get emotionally involved, because of moving to different colleges. I gather this theory from the fact that you said she often kisses complete strangers in clubs, which shows that she views sexual love and intimate love as two very different things. If this is the case, then it's probably in your best interest to also adopt this train of thought, so that you don't get hurt when college starts.

I totally agree with you there, being haertbroken is the worse thing but then again maybe she doenst want to get emtionally involved just in case she meets comeone at college.

But then again the kissing on the neck shows that she likes you otherwise she would stop you all together, maybe she seems it as a bit of fun between you to that you can share as you are close, but i dont think shes playing you either

Just see how things go and take your time with it

[Ostinato]

Okay well, I basically think she really does like you as she's said, but she's basically a bit scared of getting too emotionally involved with you, then shes going to end up heartbroken in the long run.

She has a fair point that when you go to college, your both going to meet different people and your lives might go seperate ways, so it's going to be physically and emotionally difficult to continue a relationship with each other at the same time also. I think that she has perhaps thought about all this and has realised what the outcome may be, so shed maybe rather stay as close friends, which will allow her to still be in contact with you, whereas if you end up getting into a relationship and things get messy you might end up with nothing.

I think you just need to say to her that you only really get one chance at true love, and you think this is both your chance to take it. Say to her your prepared for any outcome that might happen, but you'd think it'd be great just to give it a shot and see how things turn out in the long run.

I wouldn't take it too personal that she hasn't kissed you back on the lips etc. and about her kissing random guys at clubs. With these guys, like you said, they've only been one night stands and have had no strings, therefore it shows she actually respects you a lot not to do that sort of thing to you, and that there is feelings and emotions involved.

Good luck mate.

[Machine Head]

If I understand you correctly, this has happened to my brother before.

Daniel and the girl were extremely close, the closest he had ever been with a girl (except for going out with them). They would hang out with eachother 24/7 and do all the stuff you would probably do.

They never dates because she felt it would ruin their friendship if they broke up. This is probably how your friend feels.

[8Freak8]

If I understand you correctly, this has happened to my brother before.

Daniel and the girl were extremely close, the closest he had ever been with a girl (except for going out with them). They would hang out with eachother 24/7 and do all the stuff you would probably do.

They never dates because she felt it would ruin their friendship if they broke up. This is probably how your friend feels.

But did they fancy each other? Mr. dude753 says they both really like each other.

In my opinion there is no point holding back for the sake of a friendship.

[Ostinato]

But did they fancy each other? Mr. dude753 says they both really like each other.

In my opinion there is no point holding back for the sake of a friendship.

Mmm I agree to a point, but I think if it's just because your maybe after a fling and both parties really don't think it's going to go far and they may end up loving each other, then I think it's not worth it. Isn't it better to at least have friendship rather than nothing at all?

[Machine Head]

But did they fancy each other? Mr. dude753 says they both really like each other.

In my opinion there is no point holding back for the sake of a friendship.

I'm not sure. I never liked the girl, so I never really socialised with her.

She probably did though 8), nobody can get as close as they were