Emo"/

[Midnight.Rose]

Okay, I'm new to the whole habbox thing. But I wrote this poem and i know its a bit depressing.

Feeling alone...Nobody there
Except a feeling of sadness and despair
Sitting alone wondering what ive done
The abnormality of what I've become
Is something im not proud of
I'll say that any day
But the way people treat me
Is not fair in anyway

No one for comfort
No one for fun
What could I have possibly done
Lyrics in my music
Remind me of my life
Which makes me feel worse
So I reach for the knife

I remember I'm scared of dieing
Then start again the crying
Trying not to be
The "emo" people see
I'm not usually like this I say
I'm usually happy and like to play
Most don't believe me
But sometimes they do
I want them to say
Don't worry...I'm here for you.

[iluvben]

um ok.

the rhyming don't work very well

[::d4nnyt::]

Lyrics in my music
Remind me of my life
Which makes me feel worse
So I reach for the knife

Don't listen to it then...

[Aitken]

I like it. It seems like at parts you are talking about yourself then at the end you say

"Don't worry...I'm here for you." - seems like you are now talking to someone or about someone.

"The abnormality of what I've become
Is something im not proud of"
I really liked that line, you know that somethings wrong but you dont know what to do about it. i know how that can feel.

Overall i really like this so well done.
10/10

[luke-p]

Don't listen to it then...

Its a poem it dont mean its true...

[FlyingJesus]

It's difficult to make a poem about a sad subject that sounds good. My advice is to not try it, because you do end up looking very much like a 12 year-old, no matter how old you are when you write it. In fact, it's not even the fact that it's a sad poem, it's more the words you've used, it just strikes me as immature.

[Craig]

That poem is crap. Seriously you need to up your writing skills and DYING isn't spelt DIEING "/

And whats with the ****ty title? Get rid of it and stop following the Emo fad and make a decent title and a decent poem cos frankly this is the worst poem I've read in a long time.

The rhyming technique is revolting, choose one technique and stick to it and don't try fitting in words that don't fit in cos they look out of place.

[-Soph-]

stop following the Emo fad

Its okay..
but craig has a good point.

[kasi]

erm wth at this poem :S

Don't listen to it then...

lmao at that.

[::d4nnyt::]

That poem is crap. Seriously you need to up your writing skills and DYING isn't spelt DIEING "/

And whats with the ****ty title? Get rid of it and stop following the Emo fad and make a decent title and a decent poem cos frankly this is the worst poem I've read in a long time.

The rhyming technique is revolting, choose one technique and stick to it and don't try fitting in words that don't fit in cos they look out of place.

I agree with craig.

stop following the Emo fad

All too true. I think calling the poem emo is just asking for this kind of responce.

i know its a bit depressing.

It actually cheered me up.