What you think of the plot for my new story?

[Rusty_x]

I'm writing a new story for something and I need your opinion on it.
Tell me if you think it could do with any changes and if yes what they are thanks.
Plot is as follows:

Danny has been feeling ill for ages so he goes to the doctors and they refer him to the
hospital where he finds out he has.... ARSENIC POISONING and he really doesn't
wanna tell anyone, especially his boyfriend Dougie cos they are so happy together.
Danny refuses to tell them incase it upsets Dougie, he thinks it'll be best just to ignore it
and not tell anyone, but he grows worse by the days and is eventually taken to hospital
after collapsing for the fiftieth time. He tells everyone he has been poisoned and Dougie is
on a massive rampage to find out who did it, and he finds out that Harry came onto Danny
the night before he asked Dougie out. Danny tells Harry he loves Dougie and Harry hates
him for it but doesn't tell him, so he plots to kill him in the most cruel of ways. Arsenic
poisoning. Which kills slowly. Danny asks Dougie (when he close to death) to sleep with
him, Dougie is unsure cos this would be the first time Danny has had gay sex but Danny
says "I want to know that in the last days of my life, I made love to the most beautiful
thing on this earth." So Doug sleeps with him.
But when Dougie wakes up in the morning, he tries to wake Danny up, but he has already
died. Dougie tries to wake him up but to no avail. Dougie is heartbroken and alone, he finds
out Harry killed Danny and feels betrayed. With no one else to turn to Dougie commits
suicide. The end chapter tells of how Dougie sees a bright light and sees Danny holding
his hand out and the penultimate line is "I can finally be happy with the one I love for forever
and a day"

Just so happens it is a gay story with the members of McFly but who cares?!
Any ideas?

[kooldude007]

No, but lol

[Rusty_x]

No what?
Care to expand?

[FlyingJesus]

Does anyone write about straight people any more?

[Rusty_x]

Does anyone write about straight people any more?

Meh, seems a kinda old thing these days. Just accept it.
The gays are coming to take us over.
Gay Friend: We're coming to bum you today!

[Jazza]

1) The names are generic, use something more original.
2) Arsenic poisoning or 'arsenicosis' is easily treated, use something that's impossible or very difficult to cure
3) You haven't explained Harry's motive for poisoning Doug
4) If "I can finally be happy with the one I love for forever
and a day" is the penultimate line, what's the last line? (Just out of interest)

[Mentor]

Im not a fan of melo-drama, it sucks.