FUNNY QUOTES

[Kris]

If you have a funny quote post it here!!!

[GommeInc]

I have many that was on my cheap freewebs site. Here they be:

1. Pollution. I don't know, and I don't give a damn!
2. ****o. That's my dogs name!
3. Adultery. An exciting pass time...
4. Hair. What the hell is it?!?
5. Shout. Stop wispering!
6. Never burn the candle at both ends as it will lead to the life of a hairdresser, that and burn marks.
7. Eat right, become fat.
8. If death awaits you tommorrow, hide underneath a cover and scream for roughtly 30 mins.
9. Your shoes can be also used as toilets on the go...
10. Leave it to a helper, get your trusty gun out!
11. Blasphemy. What the hell did you say?
12. Hopscotch is the mating cool for elephants.
13. Ask not for who the bearer tolls, he tolls for thee...
14. I have seen the apocolipse, it is joyful!

Some are rude and maybe blanked

[lil:quizical:quigly]

If I hear another Napolean Dynamite quote I will serisouly shoot myself.

[Convictions]

1. God bless atheism
2. What is arrogant? Thinking you can compete with me.
3. Individualists of the world unite
4. Bad spellers of the world, untie
5. Eat well, keep fit, dont smoke, still die.

[Jim Rotates]

From The Good Girl...

Cheryl: It's called Cric de Face, meaning Circus of the Face. It's all the rage with the frenchies.

And 2 from Jennifer Aniston...

on her pics in Rolling Stone in 1996...
"It's not as if I'm doing Playboy. Centrefold is not going to happen, but I want them to offer me, so I can turn them down!"

After making fun of Briteney Spears on SNL, Jen and Jay talk about making fun of each other...

Jay: Have you ever made fun of me?
Jen: Whaddya mean Jay? Why the long face?

[Cypher-]

Lmao, sorry guys but these arent funny

[jesus]

Most quotes from the simpsons are funny, too many to name =]

[Fruitbox.]

Oi!!! Don't hate on Napoleon Dynamite!! Hes the man!!

[Mentor]

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

if my calculations are correct Slinky + Esculator = Everlasting fun

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For many 100's more check out My archive of witty quotes

http://thybag.co.uk/index.php?p=quote
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ps, if u notice teh repate blame lazyness

[Wootzeh]

useless football quotes....
Chris Porter scored his first league goal last week, and he's done the same this week. - Jeff Stelling
I'm going to make a prediciton - it could go either way. - Ron Atkinson
hu.mp it, Bump it, whack. That may be a good recipe for a good se.x life but it won't win use the world cup. - Ken Bates
We must have had 99% of the match. It was the other 3% that cost us. - Ruud Gulit