July 1st

[Dusty-09]

This is a story I made for English, so I decided to post it and get comments please rate. Some bits are a little too good to be true, so I will work on that.
Its quite long may I warn you:

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As Mike Callahan dropped onto the metal surface his watch struck 12pm; straining to open the hatch he heard noises and gunfire. He ignored it. Finally opening the hatch he went in. The Nerve Centre. Mike had to be careful here. This place had CCTV, heavily armed guards and mines. But Mike wasn’t worried about that, there was more important things to worry about, especially what will happen on July 1st.
Mike checked his watch, 12:30 pm, he needed to move. After 5 minutes he had found the door. He opened it. There he was. His mission was almost completed. Crossing the threshold he pulled out his…Click! A cold metal object was placed on his neck. He had been rumbled.
"So here you are!" the voice came from the chair, the chairs back was turned to Mike. Mike shivered, he knew that voice anywhere. Mike had been hit hard on the head. His vision became blurred. Swaying for a moment; he fell.
Mike awoke; he had been stripped of everything; his gun, clothes and other materials. He was dressed in a gown, a tag on his arm. It said: Patient 6631. His room was 10mx10m, big enough for a grown man; the bed was merged into the wall, made out of cement. Food times were at 8:30am, 5:00 pm and 8:30pm; they were hand delivered, the tray was useless cardboard and the dishes were paper. Everything was planned to the last detail so there was no means of escape. But paper was enough for Mike. All he had to do was wait. He knew exactly where he was. 2 days later Mike had 3 dishes, and 2 sheets of cardboard. He was ready. Tearing them apart he constructed a ninja star; Mike knew that there was a low chance of this working, but it was worth it.
At 5:30 the guard came to deliver food, he slides it through the hatch.
"Hey!" Mike called, the guard opened the top hatch, Mike could just see his eyes, and he threw a star. It blinded him; he fell back and dropped the keys. Mike then stuffed his hand into the bottom hatch and rummaged. He felt a few cold metal pieces; he withdrew his hand as if a snake had bitten him. He opened the door, the guard was recovering. Mike knocked him out, took all he needed from him, his clothes, his gun, keys and his cell phone. Mike dressed, he dumped his clothing on him, he threw him in the cell and locked the door. No one would hear him and if they did they would ignore him, Mike had until 8:30pm to get out, he checked the time on the cell, 7:30pm. Time had passed which was surprising.
Mike had no time to lose. He was aware of security here, since if a patient escaped they would have to be taken down; so there was CCTV everywhere. Mike had to get to the control room; he had to disconnect the power. Luckily he had not met any guards. Searching soundlessly; after 10 minutes he found it. Mike had to hurry, every second counted. He opened the mains; gritting his teeth he pulled every wire. This would give attention but a big distraction and advantage. He had just 30 minutes remaining. He jumped through the stations window; the gates were in sight. Spotlights were being turned on, and guards were on high alert. This made it even more difficult. Dodging every light and sticking to the shadows he made it to the gates. He ran. The guards would be delivering the food any minute now. The siren blared, screeching terribly. Mikes ears were popping as if popcorn. The power was back on. Mike smacked his head; he could’ve at least stolen a vehicle. He turned to see the big building looming up at him. Memories of this place came back. When he was a child, screamed at by generals, a teenager trained to have no mercy and he was back as a prisoner. Mike had a life here, the life which haunted him. He smiled. He was free.

****
"He's becoming more and more dangerous." said a man from his chair.
"We have sent Mike, he should be able to stop him." replied a woman sitting opposite the man.
"He hasn’t reported since he's been there."
"Mike does that, I'm sure he's safe."
"Hmm..." the man looked worried, he was holding a cup drinking tea, looking at the landscape below, he kept considering retiring, he was getting to old. He had pure white hair, his face was wrinkled, he wore a suit and tie with immaculate shoes, he wore rimmed spectacles, his hands were withered they were bony, equivalent to his figure. The woman opposite him had a pearl necklace, she was in her thirties, her hair was brown which was in a tight bun. A buzzing sound came from the desk that separated them from each other.
"Mr. Johnson, Mike Callahan has arrived from his mission, he urgently wants to see you."
Mr. Johnson turned around and pressed the button on the buzzer and talked into it.
"Send him in."
A few minutes later, Mike came in looking pale and distraught.
"Mr. Johnson, Miss. Gates." Mike was referring to the woman in the seat
"Good Afternoon Mr. Callahan, if you need me Mr. Johnson I'll be in my office." Miss. Gates left, as head of operations she was really busy. Mike faced his master. The Boss.
"Good of you to stop by Mike." replied the man who had turned back to watch the landscape.
"You know where I was, it wasn’t easy."
"Well, you could’ve replied, we had sent many messages."
"I was caught, they took everything away."
"So where did you get the uniform?" asked Mr. Johnson
"I took out a guard and took everything of use."
"So why didn’t you report, I'm sure he had a cell."
"I'd think they would track us down."
Mr. Johnson turned. He looked at Mike, staring into his eyes. Mike could tell he was angry.
"Do you not know what will happen on July 1st?"
"Yes."
"You have not completed your mission, I've told you, you can't return unless it has been completed."
"Well, I need help."
"You're an assassin you don’t need help."
"Taking him down is harder than it seems, you don’t know how hard it was to even get into the damn place."
"I think you should rest and start thinking about these issues we have, we will discuss it in the morning."
Mr. Johnson pressed the button.
"Sandy, please escort Mr. Callahan to his quarters, thank you."
Mike left; as he did he saw a glimmer of shame in Mr. Johnson's eyes.
Mike awoke; he got out of his bed. He stood there, getting comfy to his room. He stood in a large room, floor to ceiling windows with views of New York, the four poster bed with blood red curtains, his plasma screen TV which he rarely watched, a bookshelf with many different books which Mike had read, and finally a secret door in his wall, which stored his weapons only accessible to him. To Mike this room was luxury. He dressed quickly, to meet Mr. Johnson. He left his room, walking down the corridor to the elevator, he pressed the number 10. He entered the elevator, the doors opened, he could see many plants and the spotless floor which showed Mike's reflection, he saw Mr. Johnson's secretary, as usual she buzzed to inform him. He entered the room. Mr. Johnson was in his seat, drinking orange juice.
"Ah Mike, please sit."
Mike sat; he saw that Mr. Johnsons mood had been lightened.
"I want you to read this report we have obtained."
Mr. Johnson indicated a file. Mike opened it. It said:
CRIMINAL FILE – [ CONFIDENTIAL ]
NAME: Goldberg, Boris
GENDER: Male
DOB: Jun 19, 1958
RACE: Caucasian
NATIONALITY: German Citizen
EYE COLOUR: Green
HEIGHT: 1.80m
IDENTIFIERS: Distinctive scar running through right eye, left eye has been damaged.
CRIMINAL HISTORY:
Has been in gang cases, manslaughter of 25 American citizens, drug dealing and rumours of being in nuclear weapons.

CASE NOTES:
Boris' family had been murdered on 1980, killer unknown.
Moved to America in 1988, worked for supermarket until 1990 where subject first committed his first crime. In 2000 became one of the most powerful dealers in America by selling intravenous drugs.
2001 became the year where subject killed 25 American Citizens, reason unknown.
2005 went into hiding and unseen, have been killings and dealings since.
2006 lair exposed, community of assassins infiltrated HQ none survived out of 15.
2007 assassin infiltrated lair, found nuclear weapons. 300 particular weapons, capable of mass destruction, has become world's most wanted, assassin also found the bombings of America on July 1st also named D-Day. Intelligence has offered $1 billion in exchange for weapons, subject rejected with hints of destructive acts.
Mike had read it, he had read it before, he still couldn’t believe why this person would do this. Boris Goldberg; the man he had met, the white haired cold hearted, merciless and dangerous man.
"So, do you understand the situation?"
"Yes." all that Mike could say.
"This is why I was disappointed, we can't fail this mission, you know that."
Mr. Johnson's computer beeped, Mr. Johnson checked what it was. Mike was amazed at his reaction, he had smiled.
"It says here Goldberg is holding a memorial service a day before he will destroy New York, if we can follow him to his private quarters we could either kill him or reason with him."
"We need men." replied Mike
"I'm sending a whole team there, Mike this is the time to redeem yourself."
"I shall."
"Captain the squad, there shall be no mistakes, Miss Gates and I shall be watching closely."
"Well prepare to be amazed."
Mike stood, turned and left. He went to visit an old friend, he pressed the number 5 on the elevator, making his way across the hall.
He opened the door; there stood a young man, dressed in a scientist clothes and goggles hanging down his neck, his features were younger than his age. He looked up. He stopped prodding at the frog he was experimenting on. His table was surrounded by test tubes, different sharp objects, on the walls hung certificates and photos and as Mike smelt the welcoming air, the stench of cabbage was still there. As Mike crossed the threshold he saw the young man was inviting.
"Has been long hasn’t it Mike?"
"Yes it has Gizmo." The young boy was called Gizmo for one thing, he provided the assassins with all their equipment.
"I need some wares." Mike continued
"Ah the usual?"
"No, I need the best you have."
"They are not ready, the working ones are all basic"
"We are hunting Goldberg"
"Goldberg!? Are you crazy? I'm not supplying anything!"
"Mr. Johnson authorised it"
"He did? Well, what the boss says goes"
"Thanks Gizmo, I need enough for a squad of 21"
"Right well I can only give them 3, but you Mike you can have 5" Gizmo pressed a button, the whole left wall rotated, the other right wall did the same, the desk had been replaced with a table of dangerous looking gadgets, it was cased as if it was the crown jewels.
"Here is the normal weapon that you should have, the knife." Gizmo pointed to the sharp weapon.
"Next are these, grenades; smoke and explosive, 5 of each, great for distractions." Gizmo pointed to the objects on the table.
"Here is the 10mm gun with silencer and an assault rifle." He handed Mike the guns.
"These two are especially for you Mike, first is this." he handed him a key Mike looked confused "This isn’t a normal key, it can picklock any door, chest or safe. Next is this." Again Gizmo handed Mike a pair of sneakers, Gizmo continued "These will help you jump over tall buildings, climb buildings and help you run faster it has a track device for us to track you, newly installed that is."
"Well these are great, the team shall have be well equipped." answered Mike
"Great to see you Mike." Mike waved goodbye and left Gizmo to his experiments.
He then made his way to the changing rooms, where it was full of the uniform. Mike had opened the door and seen that his squad was already there, equipped with their armour and weaponry. Mike nodded, they nodded back. Mike changed quickly and equipped his armour and weaponry.
"Right, I must tell you that this is an important task, stay hidden. We will communicate by radio headsets. Do not move from your place even if one of us is exposed. Move when I command and we shall be safe. Nothing can go wrong. So let's head down to the van." The team nodded, they followed Mike out of the back door of the building. They sneaked into the van.

"Welcome Mike!" said the van driver, he was dressed in a typical butler's uniform, he was from India and was one of the best getaway drivers Mike had ever seen.
"Greetings Jives, do you know where to take us?"
"I sure do, hold tight."
While they drove, Mike instructed the team.
"I will communicate as much as I can, I want you all covering the venue, this place has many routes to escape. A big reason why Goldberg chose this place. Remember, don't become exposed, if you do then don’t make the others come down with you. Don't try to save anyone, stay hidden." The team had been instructed, Mike could do no more but hope they would listen.
"Hear it is." said Jives.
"Thank You Jives, I hope we will meet again, good bye."
"I hope so too Mike."
The squad left the van; they split and found a place to hide. The venue was surrounded, the empire state building was one of the biggest venues in New York, a big crowd had formed. As Goldberg was one of the most wanted it was surprising he was making an appearance, but Mike knew that Goldberg could corrupt the FBI, in some way. A giant memorial sat on the grass opposite the building, there was a ribbon tied to it. Goldberg should be making his speech now. Mike heard a loud voice.

"Ladies and gentleman please welcome BORIS GOLDBERG!" the doors to the building opened, Goldberg stepped out, he was wearing a white suit, as the report had said, he had a scar through his right eye, his left eye was also damaged so he had a green right eye and a blue damaged left eye. He smiled at the crowd, unaware of his fate. He made his speech:
"Hello" Mike shivered again the voice came out like a cold dagger in his heart "and welcome. I shall make this short for all of you. The people who died for the aid of this country, were brave, patriotic and true, they shall never be forgotten. They died from saving an aircraft carrier from releasing toxic waste into the air of New York, they were part of the military, they were gunned down but had saved the lives of many these men who died were:
Jim Cassidy
Phil Jones
Tom McReary
Steve Jordan
Michael Chain
Reece Summers
The names are few yet the strength they held is ever lasting, and as I say this, we shall all see that the memorial is now... Open!" As Mike watched, the ribbon was cut, cameras flicking on Goldberg's face. He was going to make his escape and it was true, Goldberg was entering his limo and was going to his private rooms.
"All squad, I repeat, all squad target is escaping, hold him until we can get there, do not let him escape." Mike said this into his headset. A few minutes later 20 "Affirmatives" answered.
Mike ran through the crisscrossing alleyways diving through streets, he found the route, the squad were already there, holding Goldberg back, his guards had been as quick as them and they had over 40, Mike could see that there was bodies sprawled everywhere, deafened by the gunfire Mike dived into the mayhem. Mike had no time. Firing at will, he took out most of them, but it wasn’t enough. Mikes team was firing their grenades, smoke emitted, high explosions were echoed around the area. Mike heard screams, the crowd had heard them and were running around in panic. Mike tried his best. There he heard it, the unmistaken noise of a bazooka.

"GET DOWN!" Mike called over the noise, he dived himself. But his squad couldn’t be saved. From the explosion the rocket had caused, his squad had been killed. Mike froze, blood on his armour, a sense of nausea and dizziness. Mike put his finger on the trigger, never letting go, firing everywhere, he heard the bullets hit bodies, but the smoke couldn’t let him see who it was. Mike heard no more gunfire. The smoke died down, he saw the bodies on the road. Like a graveyard. He saw Goldberg getting away. Mike ran. Into the limo, he turned on the ignition. Reversed and chased after him. After 10 minutes of crazy chasing. Goldberg stopped, blocking the doorway of the Meta Hotel. Mike ran along, he fired at the glass and dropped his rifle, Mike ran, he saw Goldberg going to the top floor.
Why was he here?
Mike followed, up the stairs using his sneakers he jumped the flight of stairs in no time, he saw Goldberg escaping in a helicopter. Mike ran and jumped, for a split second he thought he was going to fall, but he grabbed hold onto the cold metal rail of the helicopter. Mike hung on for dear life while the helicopter went to its destination.
****
Mike saw the helicopter land in a fortress, the same place Mike had been when he had been knocked out. He hid under the helicopter, Goldberg said to the pilot.
"I expect no more trouble, the best assassin is dead, we are free!"
Goldberg left, after a few minutes the pilot followed. Mike waited, then went.
After the gunfire, Mike had an explosive grenade and a smoke grenade, the 10mm gun and his gadgets from Gizmo. Once Mike was in he immediately started to follow Goldberg, this place should be on low guard. The CCTV was still working, so Mike had to take that out first, going into the control room he disconnected the wires, the electricity was down but he knew that it wouldn’t be for long. Mike checked his watch, 10:30pm. It was going to be July 1st in a short time. Mike moved, following the familiar route. He found the door, he tried opening the door, it was locked. Using his key, he opened it. He found Goldberg sitting there.
"You!?" Goldberg was amazed to see him.
"Yes, it's me, master." Mike replied.
Goldberg smiled.
"So you remember."
"Of course, you trained me to what I am, I remember it all. But I was taken by the Assassins; there I wasn’t crushed on like you did to me."
"Well, you needed discipline, what better way than to squeeze it out of you?"
"You were the one without discipline and now this."
"Yes, it's a way of me saying thank you."
"What do you mean?"
"You've read my file, it clearly says my family was murdered, and you know who by? Your kind."
"Well, it's perfectly obvious why"
"Yes, well I might’ve murdered Johnson's family."
"You did? Johnson never-"
"Johnson doesn’t speak to anyone"
"You were in Germany how did you do it?"
"I had connections, they did it. I had an army training in Germany where I taught people to kill. Johnson said he would kill us all if we didn’t stop, he gave us 24 hours, we replied." Goldberg smiled.
"You're sick"
"And you Mike Callahan are dead" Goldberg was about to press a button, Mike lunged at him. Goldberg's hand withdrew, he became motionless.
Mike withdrew the blood stained knife out of the body. His mission was over. As he left the fortress there was gunfire. The place was on red alert; firing at will. He was at the end. He dived; a white hot blinding pain was coming from his back. Wind whipped his face. The cold, blackness below sucked him in. Splash! Mike recovered, he felt his wound. It was a bullet. Mike took it all in. He swam to shore. The deed was done.

[Technologic]

Short sentences don't really work in prose, only in verse, try to avoid lists, it makes the story boring and widen your vocabulary a bit. Apart from that it's rather good :]

[Youthz]

Try to keep it structual.

Overall very nice.

[Dusty-09]

Thank you, as it is my draft I will improve. Please could you rate it?

[Con]

I only read about the first big paragraph part.

I would say 6-7/10

Its a nice little story line.
But the short sentences ruin it.
It was ok at first as it made it build up the tension.
But then i carries on.
And well, It bored me ... sorry

[Excellent]

Lovely story my friend, well done. OFF-TOPIC: July 1st is my birthday

[Dusty-09]

Lol, very coincidencial ;D And thanks for the comments

[R.Hashmi]

Lovely story my friend, well done. OFF-TOPIC: July 1st is my birthday

July 1st is my birthday too !
Anyway, yeah sentences are too short, need more connectives and complex sentences and stuff like that in them.
It is pretty good though.