I thought I wanted him to break up with me, and it happened, but i'm miserable..

[Cyndia]

So me and my (ex)boyfriend were together for quite a while.. nearly two years. We started dating back in college where we lived relatively close by each other. We'd known each other since we were 13, we just weren't friends until we were about 16 and that's when we started to like each other and it turned to something more. We were pretty much the picture perfect couple in college (we actually were voted cutest couple in our college and so we're in our yearbook under that superlative). Then last August we both went off to two different unis. We're only about two hours away and we managed to visit each other relatively often (at least once or twice a month as well as during fall break and christmas break). We also used to skype and call and text all the time so communication wasn't really the problem..

Our main problem was that he's kind of more introverted and not into the whole partying scene, and usually stayed in and chilled with friends in the dorm or saw movies etc. I'm a huuge extrovert, and I love being social, so the first two months I was going out partying twice a weekend except when he was here, when I wouldn't drink and we would do stuff together instead. Anyway, so admittedly one night I got too drunk and screwed up with this other redhead that had a thing for me and who made out with me. I confessed and we broke up for about two weeks.. I felt absolutely awful for what I did to him, and tried in every way possible to make it up, and finally we got back together on my birthday that October and I promised not to go partying anymore, though he didn't mind if I occasionally drank indoors in friends houses/apartments as long as I wasn't going to like frat houses or to huge apartment parties where there were lots of guys I didn't know. So we were fine from then until after Christmas break.

Ever since break I've been pretty unhappy.. basically a lot of my friends would bug me about going out with them to parties, and I'd always have to turn them down, and quite a few of them got mad at me for "ignoring them for my lame boyfriend". A bunch of them were really upset and just started ignoring me for a while. I've also had a much tougher class schedule this semester, and I started working at a horse breeding facility (since I'm studying to be a veterinarian), as well as I'm on two dance teams and I got talked into performing in this show coming up in two weeks so I've had a ton of extra practices for that show.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I've been REALLY busy, often till 10 or 11 at night so that my ex and I just couldn't talk as much as we used to. And when we did, it would be like 5 minutes of catching up on Skype then i would lapse into doing my homework while he would just look at me or do other things. I'm also always tired out and a bit more cranky than usual since I often have 2 long dance practices a night, so i tended to be a little more cold and abrupt with him occasionally. I've also been complaining to him a lot about how my friends have been driving me crazy.. Anyway so lately I came to the realization that I wasn't sure if I was in love with him anymore.. Like I knew i loved him, but i didn't know if i was IN love with him, if you guys get the difference. It always felt like he was holding me back (in regards to me having friends), and he was always getting upset when I couldn't talk to him or would focus on homework.

Anyway so the last two weeks I've been mulling over breaking up with him, though I could never seem to get up the nerve.. Then this weekend, I was in a really bad mood because of something someone had done to me, and so I told him I was going out drinking with some friends. It was a long night and I didn't text him during it because he doesn't like getting drunk texts from me. Then the next day when I woke up at 3, I gave him a call because he hadn't sent me his usual good morning text. The first thing he said to me was "This isn't working". And I was like.. yeah, I agree. And so all he said was like "I don't think we should be in a relationship", and I was like yeah, I agree and we ended the convo. I absolutely erupted in tears right afterwards though, and couldn't think straight.. I mean, I'd agreed because I was so stunned since it did seem out of the blue - all weekend long and all the week before he'd been sending me his normal texts and ims telling me how he loved me and even one that was like "I'm sorry if i'm hurting you.. i hate seeing you sad and it breaks my heart to make you unhappy". Yet he still just out of the blue just breaks up with me, and I was like.. what!?!

And to make things worse, I tried calling to get a full explanation from him, and he refuses to pick up. He won't answer my ims, my skypes, my texts, my calls, or my facebooking. Its driving me CRAZY. Finally, yesterday he sent me one message on skype that basically amounted to this message "I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. I fought for so long. I can't and don't love you right now, and maybe some day we can be friends, but please don't try to contact me." It absolutely broke my heart.. I sent him one text that told him that I was sorry and that I wouldn't try talking to him again until he contacted me, but it's so hard! I'm absolutely miserable, I can't focus, can't eat and I've spent most of my time crying or sleeping. I thought this is what I wanted, but it's not! He was my best friend, and even if we aren't dating, I need him so badly just to talk to me, but I don't know what to do! I tried talking to two of my friends but one was miserable at advice, and the other just told me to wait it out and whenever he talks to me to try to just be like.. Yes, we shouldn't be in a relationship, but that we should at least chat and behave like we're in one without having the title, which would take a lot of the stress off both of us.

I also already patched up my relationship with his best friend who goes to my uni, which was a sore spot in our relationship - he and I had a falling out and it always kind of put my boyfriend in the middle and he'd told me once or twice that he wished we would get along. So I've done that, but I don't know what else to do! It's driving me crazy, and I know I've made a huge mistake.. Argh. Sorry this is such a long message but this is all I can think about all day long and I want to see if I can get some fresh ideas from people that aren't biased from knowing just me and not him..

[CokeDrinker]

Wow thats one big wall of text @_@

[Bun]

wow urm, once he's finally calmed down you should have a chat with him about what he really wants. if you decide to get back together tell him that you love each other for what you are - if you like going to parties then he should respect that. i know it can be very easy to be over protective but if he truly loves you and you DO get back together then he should let you go out to parties. i know what you mean by that best friend thing by the way, i have to confess i'm like that with my girlfriend lol. you should both spend a bit of time with your friends for a while and take time to think what you want, this could cause two reactions:
1) you may prefer it better off without him and your love for each other may slowly wither away
2) you might see how much you mean to each other and it'll be like them corny chick flick romanticy things

oh and keep us updated please .

[Blinger1]

Mate, either your enter button is broken or you have never seen it.. Use it please.. I got about 3 lines in and got lost..

So you should assume i read it and i will say:

Good luck getting back together x0x0x0

[Swearwolf]

you aren't the only heartbroken forum member

[Meg.]

So me and my (ex)boyfriend were together for quite a while.. nearly two years. We started dating back in college where we lived relatively close by each other. We'd known each other since we were 13, we just weren't friends until we were about 16 and that's when we started to like each other and it turned to something more.

We were pretty much the picture perfect couple in college (we actually were voted cutest couple in our college and so we're in our yearbook under that superlative). Then last August we both went off to two different unis. We're only about two hours away and we managed to visit each other relatively often (at least once or twice a month as well as during fall break and christmas break). We also used to skype and call and text all the time so communication wasn't really the problem..

Our main problem was that he's kind of more introverted and not into the whole partying scene, and usually stayed in and chilled with friends in the dorm or saw movies etc. I'm a huuge extrovert, and I love being social, so the first two months I was going out partying twice a weekend except when he was here, when I wouldn't drink and we would do stuff together instead. Anyway, so admittedly one night I got too drunk and screwed up with this other redhead that had a thing for me and who made out with me. I confessed and we broke up for about two weeks.

I felt absolutely awful for what I did to him, and tried in every way possible to make it up, and finally we got back together on my birthday that October and I promised not to go partying anymore, though he didn't mind if I occasionally drank indoors in friends houses/apartments as long as I wasn't going to like frat houses or to huge apartment parties where there were lots of guys I didn't know.

So we were fine from then until after Christmas break. Ever since break I've been pretty unhappy.. basically a lot of my friends would bug me about going out with them to parties, and I'd always have to turn them down, and quite a few of them got mad at me for "ignoring them for my lame boyfriend". A bunch of them were really upset and just started ignoring me for a while. I've also had a much tougher class schedule this semester, and I started working at a horse breeding facility (since I'm studying to be a veterinarian), as well as I'm on two dance teams and I got talked into performing in this show coming up in two weeks so I've had a ton of extra practices for that show. Basically what I'm trying to say is that I've been REALLY busy, often till 10 or 11 at night so that my ex and I just couldn't talk as much as we used to. And when we did, it would be like 5 minutes of catching up on Skype then i would lapse into doing my homework while he would just look at me or do other things. I'm also always tired out and a bit more cranky than usual since I often have 2 long dance practices a night, so i tended to be a little more cold and abrupt with him occasionally. I've also been complaining to him a lot about how my friends have been driving me crazy..

Anyway so lately I came to the realization that I wasn't sure if I was in love with him anymore.. Like I knew i loved him, but i didn't know if i was IN love with him, if you guys get the difference. It always felt like he was holding me back (in regards to me having friends), and he was always getting upset when I couldn't talk to him or would focus on homework. Anyway so the last two weeks I've been mulling over breaking up with him, though I could never seem to get up the nerve.. Then this weekend, I was in a really bad mood because of something someone had done to me, and so I told him I was going out drinking with some friends.

It was a long night and I didn't text him during it because he doesn't like getting drunk texts from me. Then the next day when I woke up at 3, I gave him a call because he hadn't sent me his usual good morning text. The first thing he said to me was "This isn't working". And I was like.. yeah, I agree. And so all he said was like "I don't think we should be in a relationship", and I was like yeah, I agree and we ended the convo. I absolutely erupted in tears right afterwards though, and couldn't think straight.. I mean, I'd agreed because I was so stunned since it did seem out of the blue - all weekend long and all the week before he'd been sending me his normal texts and ims telling me how he loved me and even one that was like "I'm sorry if i'm hurting you.. i hate seeing you sad and it breaks my heart to make you unhappy". Yet he still just out of the blue just breaks up with me, and I was like.. what!?! And to make things worse, I tried calling to get a full explanation from him, and he refuses to pick up. He won't answer my ims, my skypes, my texts, my calls, or my facebooking. Its driving me CRAZY.

Finally, yesterday he sent me one message on skype that basically amounted to this message "I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. I fought for so long. I can't and don't love you right now, and maybe some day we can be friends, but please don't try to contact me." It absolutely broke my heart.. I sent him one text that told him that I was sorry and that I wouldn't try talking to him again until he contacted me, but it's so hard! I'm absolutely miserable, I can't focus, can't eat and I've spent most of my time crying or sleeping.

I thought this is what I wanted, but it's not! He was my best friend, and even if we aren't dating, I need him so badly just to talk to me, but I don't know what to do! I tried talking to two of my friends but one was miserable at advice, and the other just told me to wait it out and whenever he talks to me to try to just be like.. Yes, we shouldn't be in a relationship, but that we should at least chat and behave like we're in one without having the title, which would take a lot of the stress off both of us.

I also already patched up my relationship with his best friend who goes to my uni, which was a sore spot in our relationship - he and I had a falling out and it always kind of put my boyfriend in the middle and he'd told me once or twice that he wished we would get along. So I've done that, but I don't know what else to do! It's driving me crazy, and I know I've made a huge mistake.. Argh. Sorry this is such a long message but this is all I can think about all day long and I want to see if I can get some fresh ideas from people that aren't biased from knowing just me and not him..

Totally paragraphed it as best as I could at 11.41pm whilst tired.

You need to give him a break, give him a chance to take it all in. You've been so busy that you basically neglected the relationship, he would have felt left out and like you don't care. Imagine how heartbreaking that is for him. You're not completely at fault here, he could have handled the situation better himself.

Once you've given him time then you need to explain to him that you need closure to move on and be happy, I suggest you try and get him to sit down and talk things through with you. Who knows what could happen after that!

[Jord]

Mate, either your enter button is broken or you have never seen it.. Use it please.. I got about 3 lines in and got lost..

So you should assume i read it and i will say:

Good luck getting back together x0x0x0

Same lol

[FlyingJesus]

You're best off not together - that goes for both of you. He was holding you back from being social (I've been in a relationship like that and it does no good) and that causes stress for everyone involved.

The fact that you got with someone else, drunk or not, shows that you were needing some sort of release after so long in what looks to be a relationship of necessity more than anything, just two people afraid to let go of each other because you got secure and comfortable with how things were together. It's known as "toxic love" and it's not good for you at all. Once you get over the shock of not being together any more it'll be much easier, likely there'll always be a place in your mind for him but you'll be able to do much more now.

For your own sake, don't try pushing for the relationship. Be friends once he's fine with it (again, don't push for it at least until he's ready) but there is no point clinging on to a failing relationship.

[e5]

Hmm why did he just suddenly stop talking to you? :S If he was being normal, then didn't want to speak to you what was up there?

[Cysne]

Wall of text.. Anyhow, just move on generally if you've been with someone for so long you will have cravings for them, I know i did. Drink / play games / chocolate till your eyes bleed, after a couple of weeks you'll be fine, or just have a rebound fling