Overbearing/ridiculous parents

**lawrawrrr** · 27-06-2012, 01:31 PM

I'm getting SO fed up of my parents atm. Well, my dad's ok on his own, but my mum is just getting ridiculous. She threatens to cut me off and disown me monthly (at least) and totally favours my sister in every respect, althought she'll never admit to it. I'm nearly 19 fgs and they ***** about me going out (refuse to take me anywhere but don't like me being alone in the dark, buses don't run and I can't walk THAT far), whereas they run around after my sister and her friends AND boyfriend all the time. It's just stupid, I want to knock some common sense into her head. She told me off yesterday for buying myself a bottle of Southern Comfort and a bottle of lemonade because I "shouldn't be drinking every night". I just got fed up of my wine I had, which I only have 1 or 2 glasses on friday, saturday and sunday, whereas she has a gin an tonic EVERY NIGHT. She's banned me from storing my rum in the alcohol cupboard too, she's told me to put it on the side with my wine/vodka where my nan'll see it and moan when she comes round.

Just to give you an example of how ridiculous it's getting, she's not talking to me at the moment (and told me not to look at her today) Basically because I'm wearing shorts and a short sleeved top.

Here's the conversation:

So yeah I'm fed up of her threats to cut me off, I wish I could just go out but I can't due to my recent operation, not allowed to wear shoes much atm, and it hurts. She knows that but keeps telling me I put it on and that I can walk everywhere (buses are expensive man), whereas my sister gets a life 5 minutes down the road as soon as she asks. I don't really know how I can cope with her for much longer, and I've got 3 months before I can go to uni, and a 3 week holiday where I CAN'T get away from them.

What can I do!? When I've talked to my parents in the past they say "act like an adult and we'll treat you like one" but they don't, they treat me like a 10 year old. I can cope while I'm 300 miles away from them but I just feel like I'm living in a prison.

Logandyer45 · 27-06-2012, 01:34 PM

Well hell. I would fly you to the US and you can live with me.

Shar · 27-06-2012, 01:40 PM

One of my friend's dad does the exact same thing. She just ignores him and tries to avoid him/go out to get away from him as much as possible. Hope you're ok

x

**lawrawrrr** · 27-06-2012, 01:47 PM

@Logandyer45; LOL i will be moving out as soon as physically possible
@Shar; the sad thing is i'm so used to it i don't get emotional about it any more. I try ignoring her, that's why I just walk off in the middle of it usually, but she always screams 'get back here' and i dont want to disobey her, not worth the risk lol!!!

Update: just went down to get lunch, she told me it's too late to eat, despite telling me not to come down earlier... does she want me to starve or something? She was also on the phone to her friend and she said 'yeah the oldest is at uni, well she's home for the summer, wish she hadnt have come home *laughs*... i was standing right next to her

it's like hit after hit... no wonder my psychiatrist wants to hit her, really!!

Empired · 27-06-2012, 02:34 PM

Usually I would say something along the lines of "talk to her sensibly when she's in the best of moods, don't get upset about what she says and try to compromise", but seeing as it's fairly obvious that you have tried to talk to her sensibly (and she never seems to be in a good mood when you're around from what you're saying) then I can't think of anything to try except to grin and bear it.

Maybe try and stay with some friends next holidays instead of coming home?
Just spend as little time as possible with her and make sure she knows she's the one who's being ridiculous here. By that I mean don't shout or get upset or do "teenage" things like rolling your eyes or swearing at her or whatever. Be like one of those infuriating automated phone messages you get when you're trying to buy something over the phone

Ooh and I do hope it all works out well in the end.. Some families can fall apart, but if you stay away from her maybe she'll start missing you and realise what a mistake she made? (JUST A HOPE.)

Edit: you said you have an older sibling. Could you possibly talk to them about it? Or are they unbearable too?

**lawrawrrr** · 27-06-2012, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by BamitsElfie!

Usually I would say something along the lines of "talk to her sensibly when she's in the best of moods, don't get upset about what she says and try to compromise", but seeing as it's fairly obvious that you have tried to talk to her sensibly (and she never seems to be in a good mood when you're around from what you're saying) then I can't think of anything to try except to grin and bear it.

Maybe try and stay with some friends next holidays instead of coming home?
Just spend as little time as possible with her and make sure she knows she's the one who's being ridiculous here. By that I mean don't shout or get upset or do "teenage" things like rolling your eyes or swearing at her or whatever. Be like one of those infuriating automated phone messages you get when you're trying to buy something over the phone

Ooh and I do hope it all works out well in the end.. Some families can fall apart, but if you stay away from her maybe she'll start missing you and realise what a mistake she made? (JUST A HOPE.)

Edit: you said you have an older sibling. Could you possibly talk to them about it? Or are they unbearable too?

I don't have many friends who'd have me to stay really, and mum's said if i stay at someone else's i won't be able to live here as 'it's not a hotel' . I know what you mean about the automated message type thing though!! I don't swear irl, rarely online too so that's not a problem, and I only roled my eyes cos i was so far away from her, I'd dread to think what she'd do if she saw!!

When I'm away at uni, we get on really well and she says she misses me, but as soon as I get home she's immediately like 'oh go back noone wants you here'.

I'm the oldest one, mum was talking about me when I was right there... :S My younger sister is just about as unbearable as my mum though....

Empired · 27-06-2012, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by lawrawrrr

I don't have many friends who'd have me to stay really, and mum's said if i stay at someone else's i won't be able to live here as 'it's not a hotel' . I know what you mean about the automated message type thing though!! I don't swear irl, rarely online too so that's not a problem, and I only roled my eyes cos i was so far away from her, I'd dread to think what she'd do if she saw!!

When I'm away at uni, we get on really well and she says she misses me, but as soon as I get home she's immediately like 'oh go back noone wants you here'.

I'm the oldest one, mum was talking about me when I was right there... :S My younger sister is just about as unbearable as my mum though....

Ohhh I get it now

and UGH she sounds impossible! Maybe you could just talk to your friends? And even if they don't have a solution, talking to a close friend is always comforting.

buttons · 27-06-2012, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by lawrawrrr

I'm getting SO fed up of my parents atm. Well, my dad's ok on his own, but my mum is just getting ridiculous. She threatens to cut me off and disown me monthly (at least) and totally favours my sister in every respect, althought she'll never admit to it. I'm nearly 19 fgs and they ***** about me going out (refuse to take me anywhere but don't like me being alone in the dark, buses don't run and I can't walk THAT far), whereas they run around after my sister and her friends AND boyfriend all the time. It's just stupid, I want to knock some common sense into her head. She told me off yesterday for buying myself a bottle of Southern Comfort and a bottle of lemonade because I "shouldn't be drinking every night". I just got fed up of my wine I had, which I only have 1 or 2 glasses on friday, saturday and sunday, whereas she has a gin an tonic EVERY NIGHT. She's banned me from storing my rum in the alcohol cupboard too, she's told me to put it on the side with my wine/vodka where my nan'll see it and moan when she comes round.

Just to give you an example of how ridiculous it's getting, she's not talking to me at the moment (and told me not to look at her today) Basically because I'm wearing shorts and a short sleeved top.

Here's the conversation:

So yeah I'm fed up of her threats to cut me off, I wish I could just go out but I can't due to my recent operation, not allowed to wear shoes much atm, and it hurts. She knows that but keeps telling me I put it on and that I can walk everywhere (buses are expensive man), whereas my sister gets a life 5 minutes down the road as soon as she asks. I don't really know how I can cope with her for much longer, and I've got 3 months before I can go to uni, and a 3 week holiday where I CAN'T get away from them.

What can I do!? When I've talked to my parents in the past they say "act like an adult and we'll treat you like one" but they don't, they treat me like a 10 year old. I can cope while I'm 300 miles away from them but I just feel like I'm living in a prison.

Originally Posted by lawrawrrr

@Logandyer45; LOL i will be moving out as soon as physically possible
@Shar; the sad thing is i'm so used to it i don't get emotional about it any more. I try ignoring her, that's why I just walk off in the middle of it usually, but she always screams 'get back here' and i dont want to disobey her, not worth the risk lol!!!

Update: just went down to get lunch, she told me it's too late to eat, despite telling me not to come down earlier... does she want me to starve or something? She was also on the phone to her friend and she said 'yeah the oldest is at uni, well she's home for the summer, wish she hadnt have come home *laughs*... i was standing right next to her

it's like hit after hit... no wonder my psychiatrist wants to hit her, really!!

i can sorta relate like my mum goes on about how ungrateful i am but gives me no freedom whatsoever to do what i want. say i wanna make my own dinner or offer to make for all of us she'll be like "no it's fine i'll just do it like always." if i offer to do anything she complains and if i don't offer, she'll complain anyway. same if she says something degrading to me (quite often about my interests, personality, beliefs etc), if i keep my mouth shut and try not to roll my eyes or anything i have an attitude problem but if i stick up for myself, i also have an attitude problem.. it's better for me to keep quiet though because she's impulsive and will do anything on a whim & like you she sees me as the problem child even though my brother is a bum that's been in and out of court since august 2010.

um last year i decided to take action against my brother and she was really mad i'd done something behind her back (even though she wouldn't take me seriously when i spoke to her one and on) and so she told me to get out the house which i did and she turned the whole family on me too. i stayed with a friend and she didn't ring me for a WEEK. & was like "i didn't think you'd actually go" i was ready to just leave for good finally get away from her but she begged me to come back, said it'd all be different. my mum threatens to cut me off too, nags at me to find a job or something. i do actually try to but i also have uni in september and there is only full-time stuff going atm. it has changed a little bit since then as in she tries to be nice to me, do stuff for me (cause after that we had a heart to heart bout how i feel bout living here with my brother) but the relationship is a little sour and i find it hard to forgive her so dunno how it'll be for you. like you say, she misses you when you're at uni it's like can't live with you but not without you and me and my mum are the same. i go out for a walk like an hour a day and try to stay out of her way as much as possible and stay in my room (she doesn't care about that until i actually come out to do something then it's like "oh you're not in your room ignoring me as usual). it's like we can't win against our parents and it's not really a healthy relationship. :/

tbh if she threatens to cut you off again i would just instead of like complaining you can't do this or that i would be like "yeah go for it, do it" and see what she does. she might be like mine where she only threatens, something to do with being in control i guess but if she does actually cut you off then she'll either let you go and you'll have to do your own thing or she might beg for you to come back or whatever. otherwise you'll probably just have to obey by her rules and ways to keep her good until you back to Uni i suppose. it's her house and you won't be there forever.

**lawrawrrr** · 27-06-2012, 03:05 PM

Originally Posted by buttons

i can sorta relate like my mum goes on about how ungrateful i am but gives me no freedom whatsoever to do what i want. say i wanna make my own dinner or offer to make for all of us she'll be like "no it's fine i'll just do it like always." if i offer to do anything she complains and if i don't offer, she'll complain anyway. same if she says something degrading to me (quite often about my interests, personality, beliefs etc), if i keep my mouth shut and try not to roll my eyes or anything i have an attitude problem but if i stick up for myself, i also have an attitude problem.. it's better for me to keep quiet though because she's impulsive and will do anything on a whim & like you she sees me as the problem child even though my brother is a bum that's been in and out of court since august 2010.

um last year i decided to take action against my brother and she was really mad i'd done something behind her back (even though she wouldn't take me seriously when i spoke to her one and on) and so she told me to get out the house which i did and she turned the whole family on me too. i stayed with a friend and she didn't ring me for a WEEK. & was like "i didn't think you'd actually go" i was ready to just leave for good finally get away from her but she begged me to come back, said it'd all be different. my mum threatens to cut me off too, nags at me to find a job or something. i do actually try to but i also have uni in september and there is only full-time stuff going atm. it has changed a little bit since then as in she tries to be nice to me, do stuff for me (cause after that we had a heart to heart bout how i feel bout living here with my brother) but the relationship is a little sour and i find it hard to forgive her so dunno how it'll be for you. like you say, she misses you when you're at uni it's like can't live with you but not without you and me and my mum are the same. i go out for a walk like an hour a day and try to stay out of her way as much as possible and stay in my room (she doesn't care about that until i actually come out to do something then it's like "oh you're not in your room ignoring me as usual). it's like we can't win against our parents and it's not really a healthy relationship. :/

tbh if she threatens to cut you off again i would just instead of like complaining you can't do this or that i would be like "yeah go for it, do it" and see what she does. she might be like mine where she only threatens, something to do with being in control i guess but if she does actually cut you off then she'll either let you go and you'll have to do your own thing or she might beg for you to come back or whatever. otherwise you'll probably just have to obey by her rules and ways to keep her good until you back to Uni i suppose. it's her house and you won't be there forever.

oh god the job/chores thing i'm the exact same!! i went out giving 30 cvs around the time i did all the housework for 3 days and i got told i was lazy... errrrr what? It is totally threats, at christmas she actually did it (she couldn't persuade my dad to stop my living allowance though).

It's like a mantra atm, 2 more years then I can get a proper job and live for myself!!

**FlyingJesus** · 27-06-2012, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by lawrawrrr

I'm nearly 19 fgs

Originally Posted by lawrawrrr

So yeah I'm fed up of her threats to cut me off

So basically you want to have free reign and be independent but still get everything paid for/given to you and it's somehow unfair on you that your parents don't agree with the way you're spending their money. If you want the freedom, get your own money, otherwise you have to compromise because that's just how these things work. You bring up the whole "act like an adult" thing but you're not acting like one as you say you are, you're just attempting to live an adult social life with someone else's finance. It's frustrating, sure, but you can't just expect to have everything on a plate forever.

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