Help (SH Triggers)

[CursedHeart]

Im loosing control of my life.

I suffer from severe paranoia, depression and anxiety attacks

Two months ago my mum went into hospital, shes back out now (though shes probably gonna go back in soon)

While she was in hospital i stopped going to college and eventually stopped leaving the house except to go see her, i relied on my boyfriend to eat and some days wouldnt respond at all.

In these past two months the minute I wake up I start thinking about suicide. As an ex self harmer I was ''clean'' for nine months, but I had the worst self harming session Ive ever had resulting in my boyfriend having his mum drive him over at 1 am.

Today I had my first day back at college but recently my mum and tutor have both said im not strong enough to go to university next year.

Im loosing control and cant stop obsessing over suicide.


Some other facts about me to read BEFORE you reply

Ive had 3 psychiatrists
Ive had 2 counsellors
Ive had 1 family therapist
Ive had 1 psychotherapist
Ive had 6 gps
Ive been on aromatherapy courses
Ive talked to friends
I dont take drugs / smoke or drink although tonight I bought a bottle of vodka and plan to drink it all





Im spiralling out of control and my best friend is unable to help me as shes dealing with some SERIOUS child trauma and the only other person I feel I can talk to is my ex fiance who is bi-polar and in a wheelchair so Im very lonely.

I talk to my boyfriend all the time but were so close it doesnt help, i just see him stress over it and feel worse and loose more motivation

Ive become disinterested in all my subjects.

I havent had a social life for about four years, having anxiety attacks when made to leave the house except to go to college and my grandparents, this includes my boyfriends house



Ive been fighting depression for 11 years now and all I feel is exhausted. Im so tired of fighting

This is a last desperate attempt to find some advice I havent heard before

Somebody tell me im crazy...

Tell me I can go to sleep and not wake up...

Help me

[CursedHeart]

Help me

[Dan Williamson]

All i can say it.

Well just think if you Harm Yourself, what the trauma your parents will go through and also other family, and deffo don't commit suicide as that will bring even more grief.

I suffer from anxiety and depression. But i was taught to control myself, thing of happy thoughts and also go councilling every week.

-Dan

[CursedHeart]

what an amazingly insensitive and arrogant post, cheers

[Dan Williamson]

Well i'm trying to help.

As if you do, do anything all you'd do is upset people.

Sometimes the truth hurts

- Dan

[CursedHeart]

obviously, as someone who self harmed for three years and who stopped for nine months, id know that.

most people ont his forum have a vague idea of bits of my life and have understood that im desperate and loosing control and thats why i posted, logic ive heard before wont help me.

[Dan Williamson]

obviously, as someone who self harmed for three years and who stopped for nine months, id know that.

most people ont his forum have a vague idea of bits of my life and have understood that im desperate and loosing control and thats why i posted, logic ive heard before wont help me.

Ok well i'm sorry, i don't know what it's like to self harm but i know of the other problems, i just hope you can stay on the straight and nawrrow

Good luck

- Dan

[eggd2]

all i can say is think happy thoughts!

[StripedTiger]

I re-read that a few times...

well it isnt exactly easy to get over depression, sometimes i feel like slamming my head agaisnt the wall and hoping someone else feels my pain aswell as myself.

i can tell you know phsycologists / phsyciatrists dont work, after experiencing one myself

I ont really know about those attacks, i dont have a social life either and i miss the computer so so much i gotta go on every day.

Talking helps a little bit but after a while it stops working.

When im really down i play music to try and cheer me up, but after a while that either does your head in or you cant go long without music O.o

Um... i dont think you have tried the "talking to yourself" method
sounds crazy i know but it helps sometimes.

When im angry or upset or anything i talk to myself and run things through in my head. and talk to myself about what my enxt steps are, how i should do stuff and why do i do stuff.

I think you could try asking yourself why do you have these attacks? and how to take things a step at a time to overcome these things.

Just try talking yourself through your days. I also find that the reason why i dont have a social life is becuase the people i am "friends" with i dont necisarily like. So you need to find friends who you like.

thats all of my ideas O.o

[CursedHeart]

thanks for all of your ideas, you always come through for me girl. sadly i still havent found anything new