[Poem] The contrast between two boys..

[Janumz]

I was thinking to myself, and I thought I'd write this.. Meh, its not very good.. But I think it gets the point across?

Across the world,
Two boys are crying,
Both want more,
And tired of the trying.

The first boy longs for a mountain bike,
And blames him mum for being mean,
All day long,
The greed burns strong,
All the night,
The greed burns bright,
Bikes are everywhere –
Oh, why is life so unfair?

The second boy wants something to eat,
His mother weeps helpless, dead-beat,
While his father hangs his head in shame,
All day long
The hunger burns strong,
All the night,
The hunger burns bright,
Food is everywhere –
Oh, why is life so unfair?

Across the world,
Two boys a crying,
Ones full of life,
The other is dying.

[Fawne]

I like that poem is shows different in equality, definitely.
I liked reading it and the repetition was well good
Rep added

[Janumz]

Thanks..
I didn't realise it was good

[Pulchritudinous]

Is very good, I like the way you used the same endings on the last few verses, it makes it clear that two people can feel the same pain, even though they live in completely different societies, it's nice!

[Janumz]

Thanks
I might write another.. Hm.. If anyones got any ideas for poems, PM me

[ignitionhost]

Wow, that touched me. I realy like it, but, i think you could add an extra two lines to the end, like somehting, "remember this when you go out today, asking for a bike"
obviously not those words as they do not rythme, but somethign to finish it off, to make the reader involved. 10/10 + rep anyhow.

[Bloodkanekiller]

Oi you copyed half of my idea
people starveing
and had enough of trying

[Yayse]

that's an ace poem rep+

[Jinxxed]

I really like that poem...

[Janumz]

Thanks people

Oi you copyed half of my idea
people starveing
and had enough of trying

I didn't copy you idea.. :s
I got the idea when I was talking to my friend on msn about greed and poverty.. So don't say im copying you :@