girlfriends' ex

[RedStratocas]

HOKAY so, i usually dont ask for advice but im not too sure about this one, so i thought i'd ask for peoples' thoughts.

my girlfriends' ex boyfriend, who she dumped nearly 2 years ago, fairly consistently bothers her. not like sexual harassment or anything, but hes always texting her or IMing her saying they should hang out, and he has once even showed up at her house unannounced to see if she wanted to do something.

now, i honestly dont really have a problem with my girlfriend hanging out with other guys. it'd be pretty hypocritical of me, as i have more girl friends than she has guy friends anyway. even one of my good girl friends was my former girlfriend. and i also don't necessarily have a problem with her ex either, ive known him since i was 12 or 13. but it appears he's had trouble letting go; im pretty sure shes the only girlfriend he's ever had. he'll drunk call or text her on a fairly regular basis, and of course she wants nothing to do with him anymore, not even as a friend. she's tried ignoring him and all that, but he either persists or just tries a different way of getting in contact with her.

the thing is that he's never really "crossed the line" if you get what i mean. he's never said that they should reignite their romance or anything, he always just wants to hang out and see her. ive asked my girlfriend but she told me not to get involved cause she doesnt like confrontation. but i can't shake the feeling that i, as a boyfriend, should talk to him about it. when putting the situation into words, it sounds like something i should be concerned about, whether she wants me to be or not.

if i were to talk to him, i wouldnt want her to find out, but i'm afraid he would tell her about our conversation. but then again, i think his persistence is going to pick up again once hes back in town for summer (he's at college right now), and it always makes me really uncomfortable and kinda creeped out whenever she tells me he's trying to talk to her.

so, should i go against my girlfriend's wishes and talk to him about it, or should i just let it go and see if it all works out?

[cocaine]

let it go and if it gets to the point where its something she can't handle, then thats where you step in.

that may not be the best answer because we don't really know what he's like, his way of thinking and stuff, but from my point of view, i think thats the best course of action. good luck anyway, and haha i was going to say that you don't really post around these ends

[Bef]

Its an arkward one, from previous experience with exes who harass it can be quite nice for your current boyfriend to stick up for u but u dont want to ask for help! my ex used to bother me constantly and was quite abusive and my boyfriend at the time awnsered the phone and told him to leave me alone, it didnt really help matters but thats because my ex was a nutcase but if ur saying this lad is reasonable maybe it will! It did make me feel like i had someone looking out for me.
Speak to her seriously about it, say your worried and u want to make sure she is ok, ask how she would feel if u were to say something to him.
U should be able to judge by her reaction what she wants you to do.
Or you could suggest she changes her number so he cant contact her anymore.
This lad obviously wants her back, and 2 years is along time to bother someone.

[FlyingJesus]

I wouldn't bother, if he's that into talking to her he'll tell her all about it if you do. It is possible that he just wants to be friends and doesn't get that she wants nothing at all to do with him btw - I know from personal experience and as an observer that often a guy talking to his ex looks like far more than is intended. If I were you I'd take it that this is the case and he's just an annoying hanger-on, because we all have someone like that who we don't like but talks to us anyway and it'll be easier for you to deal with if that's the situation, and it's then down to your woman to sort him out if she really doesn't want him around.

[Hecktix]

ermm... has she told him she wants nothing to do with him? 'cause if she has then what tom said above is wrong.

I would speak to her about how she feels about it, because she could feel sorry for him - you always do have some sort of care there for an ex, especially if you were with them for a long time, maybe she doesn't want to upset him?

When it gets to the point where it is causing uncomfort in your relationship is when you need to step in as this is when things start to get out of control.

I would leave it until that point though because otherwise you could be causing trouble in your relationship which is unnecessary.

Good luck mate.

[RedStratocas]

let it go and if it gets to the point where its something she can't handle, then thats where you step in.

that may not be the best answer because we don't really know what he's like, his way of thinking and stuff, but from my point of view, i think thats the best course of action. good luck anyway, and haha i was going to say that you don't really post around these ends

yeah, i figured that was the most sensible answer, plus im kinda a wuss with confrontation lolll. he's definitely an odd kid. he does have friends and stuff, but he's pretty socially awkward, thus hes not great with women. BUT to give you an idea, here is possibly the most embarrassing high school stories you'll ever hear:

Show Hide

sophomore year, he apparently had a crush on a girl named christine. he told some people about it, and one of these people decided to pose as christine on the internet and talk to him. so they started talking, "christine" started leading him on, and one thing lead to another, long story short: pretty much our entire grade found out his penis is about 5 inches.

yeah i know lol im usually givin advice instead of askin lol. im pretty knowledgeable when it comes to relationships, but idk i was confused on this one.

It is possible that he just wants to be friends and doesn't get that she wants nothing at all to do with him btw

yeah that's what im thinkin is going on.

ermm... has she told him she wants nothing to do with him? 'cause if she has then what tom said above is wrong.

I would speak to her about how she feels about it, because she could feel sorry for him - you always do have some sort of care there for an ex, especially if you were with them for a long time, maybe she doesn't want to upset him?

When it gets to the point where it is causing uncomfort in your relationship is when you need to step in as this is when things start to get out of control.

I would leave it until that point though because otherwise you could be causing trouble in your relationship which is unnecessary.

Good luck mate.

she's told him she doesnt want anything to do with him in just so many words. she's the kinda girl who doesnt hurt anyone's feelings, you know. tom described it pretty well, he's the kind of person who you never want to talk to, but they insist on talking to you constantly, but he's not mean so it'd be hard to shut him down... if you get me, hahaha.

THX ERRONE +REP & HIGH FIVEZ.

[Ribbons]

Let me get this right...

He's been away this whole time?

What he is doing is wrong.
I don't understand why your girlfriend doesn't tell him to stop...
If I was a girl, and my ex boyfriend kept harassing me like that; I would of told him to stop ages ago.
Have you ever asked her why she doesn't tell him to stop?

Honestly, if she is telling you not to talk to him then ask her to talk to him because you're worried.

If he is coming back in town, I'd be a little worried too.
I don't know what kind of a guy he is, so I'm not saying he'll go and kidnap her.
I just find it weird.

Have her talk to him!
Something isn't right on her end.

[Ribbons]

Let me get this right...

He's been away this whole time?

What he is doing is wrong.
I don't understand why your girlfriend doesn't tell him to stop...
If I was a girl, and my ex boyfriend kept harassing me like that; I would of told him to stop ages ago.
Have you ever asked her why she doesn't tell him to stop?

Honestly, if she is telling you not to talk to him then ask her to talk to him because you're worried.

If he is coming back in town, I'd be a little worried too.
I don't know what kind of a guy he is, so I'm not saying he'll go and kidnap her.
I just find it weird.

Have her talk to him!
Something isn't right on her end.