I have a real problem with school.

[NIKKEE]

If I were you I would definitely go with Halls, you'll get to meet knew people and trust me you'll feel a lot more confident, I think if you stayed at home you'd just remain feeling like this for a long time. Like buttons said she got dragged out at the weekends and she's thankful that she did, so I think you should move into the Halls and I think you should put that confidence barrier up and who knows? It could work out for the best! You seem like a really nice person and I'm sure that this is just a stage you're going through because you've been hurt in the past. My brother moved house into like a really far away place where he had to get the bus into town if he wanted to meet his friends and he could never be bothered doing that so he stopped going out, later he started to think that he was turning into a weird loner and driving himself away from all of his friends. He began to lose confidence talking to people at school and felt really awkward with people when they tried to approach him. He also started to think that he was losing his friends because they were all going out with all these "new people" and never invited him because he isolated hismelf in the house that was far away so they must of just not bothered inviting him. He got really upset over this and stuff, but then he just one day got him and said ok i'm going to eb really confident with everyone and just try and get back to the way I was, and now all of that has just went away and he's back to the way he was before, I personally think it was because he was trying to get used to moving house so far away from town and to do that he isolated himself without even knowing it, but when he did realise he was isolating himself he started to do something about it. Which is what I think you should do, I think you should try and move into the Halls and talk to your room-mates, it could really help you, after reading this and buttons' post about how basically we have to make an effort to get out of this stage that you're in.

I hope this has helped you and good luck! I hope everything works out for the best.

The thing is though, if my friends weren't I probably wouldn't. But then I think, you only live there for one year, so I could still live at home after the one year, but by living there for a year, I'd have put myself on the map, or something like that anyway. Like I won't have been forgotten, because everyone has to live elsewhere, so it would be different afterwards. And I think my friend may end up going to the same Uni as me, so if we did then we could always share, although I don't want to be completely dependant, but maybe it's a bit of what I actually want.
But sometimes I'd feel bad if I left my mum, but it's not that she even says anything like she wants me to stay she says it's up to me, but I don't want to lose the bond we have.
What I'm worried about is does absolutely EVERYONE go out and party ALL the time? Cause I'm not a clubbing person AT ALL. And I really never will be.
Thanks for your advice by the way, I do feel a bit better, and maybe talking to the therapist will make me more confident in other areas!

[buttons]

Well, I totally know what you're going through :8

You need to get over the bad experiences. I just felt after being let down so many times that your family were most important and you don't need anyone else. I just told myself I only need friends for passing time but really it's not like that at all and they are essential so that's why you have to get over the grudges and whatever else. I was pretty much the same as you, when I got into high school I got into the rough crowd but I still stuck to getting my grades because I wanted to do well and get the best out of it, come 4th year when you could all leave pretty much everyone had already been kicked out or going onto the dole bar a few:rolleyes:

Everything just drifted there and then but then my old friends before that started inviting me out. Ever since it's been the 5 of us and it's a bit awkward now because they're a close group and have been together forever and I'm pretty much the outsider, so I still get worried that they'll leave me and let me down like so much times before and that's why sometimes I'm too scared to say something incase I offend any or do stuff they don't want to do. But then I'm afraid if I don't say anything I'll just become boring to them and they'll want nothing to do with me. It's just you gotta get over the fact they're your friends and will hopefully be there for you when you need them, I used to just keep everything to myself and not tell them because I'd think "oh they won't care, I'm nothing to them." I can be the loudest of people with a drink and my close friends but that can change within 2 minutes if I'm meeting new or people I haven't seen in ages, I just stand there quite shy whereas before I'd talk to anyone. My confidence went way down as I got older but I'm okay now.

Sometimes its as though I've got to watch what I say which can sometimes turn into hesitating and stuttering like yourself, I never used to be phased at all if something happened because I'd have friends to back me up or laugh along with it. I don't open up to anyone and I just have a "oh well, I don't care" attitude now even though I used to get really depressed about it aswell when I got home and I just wanted school to be over as soon as possible. I couldn't give you advice on how to get over the fears except just "give it time" but don't suffer yourself, that was the worse thing I did. I did confide in my mum but I felt like I was gonna be a burden to her and my friends and didn't want them to worry.

I choose my subjects for this year too but I got put on a reserve list for college and luckily someone dropped out so I got the place. I'm not going to be living away from home but that also freaks me out when I go to Uni, I don't know how I'd cope but again I just think mum won't care about me because nobody else does or ever has but there's no point worrying until then. College has opened up a lot of doors really, I've met up with old friends who have changed a lot. Make more time for your friends, instead of thinking they won't give a **** what you want (I'm not sure if you think that but I do and I can relate to everything you're talking about), if you don't make an effort they probably think you don't care, that's what I wanted in the first place for them to think I didn't care if they left me when it was exactly what I DIDN'T want.

As for your other post, you'll never get a chance to change if you're not going to make the effort to meet new people. Not everyone is going to drop you straight like that and after experience you'll probably be able to get on your two feet quick enough so just stick it out, uni is a great opportunity for you so you should live in the halls and make new roomates, otherwise you'll feel alone for a lot longer. They can't exactly throw you out of your own room but you should let your hair down while you're there anyway, I wish I took my own advice earlier

It's kinda embarassing to talk about it even on here so I think you should talk to someone other than your mum/therapist, you can pm me if you want anyway

[Tristan]

I sometimes felt like that.
But I dunno, just dealt with it and got over it. Just went away. Wasn't really a problem, just how I'd feel every now and then.

[ItsDave]

I feel kind of like that starting college in September. Its the people around me which will irratate me I reckon, close to death. I can see me having some serious problems with college, however, from this I hope you can see that many people have many issues relating to school but I do see your problem, I think I had it, however there is no solution as my therapist put it down to OCD and taking what people think about me too seriously. Which is soooo ridiculous. (What are people gonna think about this post, I wonder who they think I am, ahh mind screw)

[brandon]

Just remember that you're not alone and there are people out there going exactly what you're going through.

[NIKKEE]

I feel kind of like that starting college in September. Its the people around me which will irratate me I reckon, close to death. I can see me having some serious problems with college, however, from this I hope you can see that many people have many issues relating to school but I do see your problem, I think I had it, however there is no solution as my therapist put it down to OCD and taking what people think about me too seriously. Which is soooo ridiculous. (What are people gonna think about this post, I wonder who they think I am, ahh mind screw)

Yeah my mum says I take everything to heart, and maybe I do, any little thing someone says to me and I can spend ages thinking about the tone they said it in. It's not so much irritation, it's more what they think about me and usually I make up my own mind they won't like me so I decide I don't like them and then I can see if they all want to go out and stuff I'll probably resent them and think it's stupid, and I wish I didn't look at going out as stupid. I'd actually like to go and do those things!!

[Amzoe]

I think we should talk some time hun, I have the same problems; it'd be good to talk to someone who is experiencing the same problems as me.

As for advice, I wouldn't really know what to do, I'm still trying to work it out for myself. :eusa_whis

[ItsDave]

Yeah my mum says I take everything to heart, and maybe I do, any little thing someone says to me and I can spend ages thinking about the tone they said it in. It's not so much irritation, it's more what they think about me and usually I make up my own mind they won't like me so I decide I don't like them and then I can see if they all want to go out and stuff I'll probably resent them and think it's stupid, and I wish I didn't look at going out as stupid. I'd actually like to go and do those things!!

Yeah I totally understand what you mean. I hate it so much. The tiniest little thing. I don't even like walking in public thinking; "what does that person think Im doing down here" "do they think I look a mess?", stuff like this. This girl, at a party I went to a while ago now. I'd been there an hour, there was only about 14 of us. After being myself I went into the garden, chatting. I come back in and shes ******** me off. I walk in and shes halfway through talking about me, behind my back, bearing in mind I've never spoken to this girl before in my life, she said "...that guys just a dackhead, dont like him" Now at this point I'm feeling awkward. 3 of my mates are in the living room and they dunno what to do. Tell her "hey shut up" or just keep shtum. They kept shtum and so I was like "why do you think that?" she replied "just how u been talking and stuff". Now I never said this but I've always always though it. Y'know, what the hell, gives you the right to talk about me after what an hour of meeting me?- and! and discussing me with the rest of the people here!? YOU SHALLOW ******* ***** DIE IN A HOLE! Yeah, thats been on my mind for someeeeeeeeetime now, but man. It bugs me so much knowing I can't shake it.

But yeah, don't feel like you're out of place or worry about it. I like to think it's common, but yeah. I have sorta the same thing so its all normal and stuff.

[ifuseekamy]

Yeah I totally understand what you mean. I hate it so much. The tiniest little thing. I don't even like walking in public thinking; "what does that person think Im doing down here" "do they think I look a mess?", stuff like this. This girl, at a party I went to a while ago now. I'd been there an hour, there was only about 14 of us. After being myself I went into the garden, chatting. I come back in and shes ******** me off. I walk in and shes halfway through talking about me, behind my back, bearing in mind I've never spoken to this girl before in my life, she said "...that guys just a dackhead, dont like him" Now at this point I'm feeling awkward. 3 of my mates are in the living room and they dunno what to do. Tell her "hey shut up" or just keep shtum. They kept shtum and so I was like "why do you think that?" she replied "just how u been talking and stuff". Now I never said this but I've always always though it. Y'know, what the hell, gives you the right to talk about me after what an hour of meeting me?- and! and discussing me with the rest of the people here!? YOU SHALLOW ******* ***** DIE IN A HOLE! Yeah, thats been on my mind for someeeeeeeeetime now, but man. It bugs me so much knowing I can't shake it.

But yeah, don't feel like you're out of place or worry about it. I like to think it's common, but yeah. I have sorta the same thing so its all normal and stuff.

That sounds like social anxiety disorder too. People who have it are really bothered about what other people think. My friend has it and gets minor panic attacks if she knows she has to do public speaking because she's scared of embarrassing herself.

[NIKKEE]

Well, I totally know what you're going through :8

You need to get over the bad experiences. I just felt after being let down so many times that your family were most important and you don't need anyone else. I just told myself I only need friends for passing time but really it's not like that at all and they are essential so that's why you have to get over the grudges and whatever else. I was pretty much the same as you, when I got into high school I got into the rough crowd but I still stuck to getting my grades because I wanted to do well and get the best out of it, come 4th year when you could all leave pretty much everyone had already been kicked out or going onto the dole bar a few:rolleyes:

Everything just drifted there and then but then my old friends before that started inviting me out. Ever since it's been the 5 of us and it's a bit awkward now because they're a close group and have been together forever and I'm pretty much the outsider, so I still get worried that they'll leave me and let me down like so much times before and that's why sometimes I'm too scared to say something incase I offend any or do stuff they don't want to do. But then I'm afraid if I don't say anything I'll just become boring to them and they'll want nothing to do with me. It's just you gotta get over the fact they're your friends and will hopefully be there for you when you need them, I used to just keep everything to myself and not tell them because I'd think "oh they won't care, I'm nothing to them." I can be the loudest of people with a drink and my close friends but that can change within 2 minutes if I'm meeting new or people I haven't seen in ages, I just stand there quite shy whereas before I'd talk to anyone. My confidence went way down as I got older but I'm okay now.

Sometimes its as though I've got to watch what I say which can sometimes turn into hesitating and stuttering like yourself, I never used to be phased at all if something happened because I'd have friends to back me up or laugh along with it. I don't open up to anyone and I just have a "oh well, I don't care" attitude now even though I used to get really depressed about it aswell when I got home and I just wanted school to be over as soon as possible. I couldn't give you advice on how to get over the fears except just "give it time" but don't suffer yourself, that was the worse thing I did. I did confide in my mum but I felt like I was gonna be a burden to her and my friends and didn't want them to worry.

I choose my subjects for this year too but I got put on a reserve list for college and luckily someone dropped out so I got the place. I'm not going to be living away from home but that also freaks me out when I go to Uni, I don't know how I'd cope but again I just think mum won't care about me because nobody else does or ever has but there's no point worrying until then. College has opened up a lot of doors really, I've met up with old friends who have changed a lot. Make more time for your friends, instead of thinking they won't give a **** what you want (I'm not sure if you think that but I do and I can relate to everything you're talking about), if you don't make an effort they probably think you don't care, that's what I wanted in the first place for them to think I didn't care if they left me when it was exactly what I DIDN'T want.

As for your other post, you'll never get a chance to change if you're not going to make the effort to meet new people. Not everyone is going to drop you straight like that and after experience you'll probably be able to get on your two feet quick enough so just stick it out, uni is a great opportunity for you so you should live in the halls and make new roomates, otherwise you'll feel alone for a lot longer. They can't exactly throw you out of your own room but you should let your hair down while you're there anyway, I wish I took my own advice earlier

It's kinda embarassing to talk about it even on here so I think you should talk to someone other than your mum/therapist, you can pm me if you want anyway

That's the exact same thing with my friends, if you can call them that. I barely speak to them at all, this is going to sound so sad, I hate even admitting this, but I do nothing ever weekend, every day at school I have no one to walk around with, and yet I know in my mind I'm a good person and I have a good personality, but I can see how people probably look at me and probably what they think, that I'm a loser. The group I sort of hang about with, they hardly make an effort with me, only the one girl does, whenever the rest (who are all boys) see my standing alone they just leave me there. No one ever tries with me, and it has really affected how I see most people, anyone I meet I immediately think is horrible. I never have anyone to talk to these things about, and whenever I tell my mum she's always like oh when you go to the counsillor things will be better. I wish for once she would just say oh but I'm your friend and I'm there for you, but she never does.
I actually really AM all alone, and it's horrible, really, really horrible.
I know what you mean when you say you want them to think you don't care, I do the same, yet if they did it would be even more damaging to me.