So I'm writing a story in Literacy at school, and wanted to share the first paragraph of it. The story is called "Diamond Knives" (I laugh so much when I read the title as I was thinking of the song Diamond Eyes ) and it's about this girl that has just started her freshman year, and a mysterious person joins the school all of a sudden, what they don't know is that this person is a psychopath and is selecting victims from that class to kill. So this paragraph isn't really saying much about the characters, it just says "Hey, this book is about a psychopath and it's got loads of deaths in it!". So, Hope you like it P.S; This is only the first draft
She panted hard, crying and screaming in fear. There was a cackle in the distance, most likely from a girl around my age. "Save me god! Please!" Prayed the girl quickly. "What's the use of praying?! Like god will save you now. And anyway, you're going to die no matter what, so let me kill you.". "No! Just let me live a little longer!" She cried. She ran through the orange and red leaves, and tripped on a sharp, smoky grey rock and cut her knee so badly she was unable to move. Lots of blood dripped down her leg, she wiped the blood off and wiped her tears off her face. She tried to get up but it was useless. She started to cry and scream again. The amber leaves started to rustle. She then heard a quiet giggle. The thing looked worried all of a sudden. It lurched over to her and bent down to hug her. "It's okay," it whispered into her ear. She curled her arms around it's neck. "It will only hurt for, well... forever." it whispered again with a little laugh in between. "What?!" she asked quietly but confused. Why had it been so kind to her, but suddenly bringing up pain and torture so quickly, she thought. There was a little clink that echoed through the empty forest. The moon glistened off it's sharp knife. "So long, dearest enemy.". It lifted the knife up over it's head and smiled and giggled once more. She screamed and cried, chanting "Help me!" at the top of her lungs, but still no one could hear her. It plunged the knife into her back, making a loud splash. There was a even more screaming, and she lastly cried "No!". Then silence. A pool of crimson blood surrounded her. It wiped the blood of it's face, then it smiled and licked it. The abandoned forest was suddenly filled with a mental laughter. Such a bad thing happened, but no one even knew about it until a month later. And that, is her. Aramo Leo. Top of the deadliest people on the planet.
And yeah... that's the first paragraph.Tell me what you think of it, and some improvements. I've done some little tweakings whilst listening to Rena's laugh for 10 minutes (BWAHAHAHAHA. On minute 4:25 atm :L). The line were Aramo says "You're going to die no matter what, so let me kill you." got it from the Yuki vs. Asakura battle from TMoHS
So yeah. Thanks