[+15] Social Issues

[Richie]

Firstly I thought it was my school but it really isn't, Its me. I'm pretty sure I have huge social problem, whoever I speak to if they are not a close friend I get nervous. It makes no sense at all because I'm not scared of them or anything. When I think about being nervous it makes me laugh at myself because it really is silly.

I speak to people online fine, on skype fine, but in reality it's different. Fair enough I should get out more and work on it but I have honestly tried.

I first thought it was just the people in my school I didn't "click with" but then I realised it's the same in work. In work it's a team effort and sometimes when they try talk to me without realising I try to exclude myself. If I'm in a friends house and his parents talk to me it can sometimes become awkward and I just get angry with myself because I don't know why I am like this.

I'm a nervous wreck and I don't know why, what can I do to solve my problem?

[Triz]

I'd say that you an generally a shy person.. you need to feel more confident around other people, especially strangers, find a common ground with someone who you don't know and start talking, even if this starts on MSN or a social networking site, once you find something you can talk about, it'll escalate from there and you'll find yourself having a convo with that person. Once you conquer 1 person, it'll get easier talking to other people that you don't know, as your confidence builds.

[Aidenn]

I used to be like this, i severely lacked good communication skills, its only through doing certain things and getting good at them made me more confident in speaking to other people (i nearly said users then, -facepalm-)

i wouldnt say everyone does it, but usually when people talk to the opposite sex, they are nervous then (opposite if they are straight ofc).

I'd just reccomending speaking to people you dont know, engage in a conversation, fact at ice skating when im teaching i spend most of my time speaking to the teachers and headteachers of which i dont realise im doing it, until friends/collegues come up to me and say.. "you just love talking dont you?"

[Richie]

I'd say that you an generally a shy person.. you need to feel more confident around other people, especially strangers, find a common ground with someone who you don't know and start talking, even if this starts on MSN or a social networking site, once you find something you can talk about, it'll escalate from there and you'll find yourself having a convo with that person. Once you conquer 1 person, it'll get easier talking to other people that you don't know, as your confidence builds.

That's good advice although I have tried this but when I'm in the situation I just want to leave and get out of there. I swear I'm mentally ill, I try to avoid looking in mirrors and any conversation I'm in I try to escape from. I used to be a really fun guy that had no problems, I could talk to anyone then I think I had a midterm break for a week, went back to school and everything had changed. Surely if I was mental things wouldn't change that fast, would they?

---------- Post added 31-05-2011 at 04:28 PM ----------

I used to be like this, i severely lacked good communication skills, its only through doing certain things and getting good at them made me more confident in speaking to other people (i nearly said users then, -facepalm-)

i wouldnt say everyone does it, but usually when people talk to the opposite sex, they are nervous then (opposite if they are straight ofc).

I'd just reccomending speaking to people you dont know, engage in a conversation, fact at ice skating when im teaching i spend most of my time speaking to the teachers and headteachers of which i dont realise im doing it, until friends/collegues come up to me and say.. "you just love talking dont you?"

I get on well with some people in work, like chef but very rarely feel comfortable in a conversation with someone my own age. As for girls I used to be really nervous speaking to them if I liked them but honestly, even if the girl I'm speaking to isn't attractive I feel nervous, I don't know why it's so frustrating. When I was 12 - 14 I mainly hung out with these two girls I knew and had no problem now with anyone it's a problem.

[Triz]

That's good advice although I have tried this but when I'm in the situation I just want to leave and get out of there. I swear I'm mentally ill, I try to avoid looking in mirrors and any conversation I'm in I try to escape from. I used to be a really fun guy that had no problems, I could talk to anyone then I think I had a midterm break for a week, went back to school and everything had changed. Surely if I was mental things wouldn't change that fast, would they?

Then try younger people. I think your afraid of people judging you. We all judge people, from how they talk to what they wear.. So start young, talk to kids; kids don't care what you look like or how you speak/what you wear to a certain extent, they tend not to judge anyone, if your funny/cool they'll like you regardless. So try talking to them first? It'll all be about re-building your confidence; or if young people are worse for you then try older people. I find them SO easy to talk too, you can spark up a conversation about next to anything and they will help you expand on it.. I was at the bus stop a few years back and I had about a 10 minute convo with an old lady about the weather.. I don't think I could possibly talk about the weather for that long to any of my mates.

[Richie]

Then try younger people. I think your afraid of people judging you. We all judge people, from how they talk to what they wear.. So start young, talk to kids; kids don't care what you look like or how you speak/what you wear to a certain extent, they tend not to judge anyone, if your funny/cool they'll like you regardless. So try talking to them first? It'll all be about re-building your confidence; or if young people are worse for you then try older people. I find them SO easy to talk too, you can spark up a conversation about next to anything and they will help you expand on it.. I was at the bus stop a few years back and I had about a 10 minute convo with an old lady about the weather.. I don't think I could possibly talk about the weather for that long to any of my mates.

I can picture myself going to a playground and sitting on the slide sparking up a conversation with a child LOL. Really though, children are worse around my way children are brought up different so they can be very nasty. I know this may be funny but sometimes kids have said stuff like "you have boobies" or "you big fat man" lol even I laugh about it because they haven't a clue. As for adults the older the person is the easier it's for me to speak to them. I can't continue to speak to adults all my life, I wish I could just change. I went out the other day to a club for my graduation, I was drunk, got on great with everyone in my year.

[Triz]

I can picture myself going to a playground and sitting on the slide sparking up a conversation with a child LOL. Really though, children are worse around my way children are brought up different so they can be very nasty. I know this may be funny but sometimes kids have said stuff like "you have boobies" or "you big fat man" lol even I laugh about it because they haven't a clue. As for adults the older the person is the easier it's for me to speak to them. I can't continue to speak to adults all my life, I wish I could just change. I went out the other day to a club for my graduation, I was drunk, got on great with everyone in my year.

Well then that proves that people do and can like you if you just pop out of the shell your hiding in. I guess you should just gradually start talking to younger people, find out what age it is where you start feeling uncomfortable and just work with it.. The only way to overcome something like this is to face it. Otherwise you'll just continue to feel un-easy talking to younger people you don't know.

[Richie]

But it shouldn't take alcohol for me to be me, I should be me all the time and that's what annoys me. When I'm around new people I know I'm not me but when I'm around close friends I am.

[buttons]

how about strangers? i find strangers are the easiest to talk to, especially old people I don't mean just go up to someone and talk that would be weird but I don't know, take up an activity or club and start talking then? first impressions count so it's hard to go from that shy person to someone fun when everyone already knows you so I'd definitely try a new fresh start somewhere. even just talking to the people behind the till or something, people aren't that bad.... there are plenty willing to talk to you. just make the effort, if they ignore you or disrespect you then brush it off. why would you want to be friends with someone like that anyway? yeah people are gonna judge you, you'd be stupid to expect otherwise but after a while your looks won't matter if that's what really bothers you. just fake your confidence till you have it.
if you think it's a mental problem which is possible then go to your doctor, I know how easy it is to say this but difficult to do but its either that or do it yourself. if you can't do it for yourself then how can anyone else?

honestly, I was in your situation and I'm not totally over it but once you're comfortable with people it's worth it.
you have to make the effort to talk to people or it's never going to happen. idk what else to suggest. I'm not sure what's caused it but maybe you're just spending too much time thinking and not enough doing :p

[Aidenn]

Volunteer work also may help you, obviously youll be nervous at first, and it will probably start off as the Hi-Hi, Bye-Bye conversation.

But if your willing to try believe me it will work for you =]