[+15] Social Issues

[Richie]

how about strangers? i find strangers are the easiest to talk to, especially old people I don't mean just go up to someone and talk that would be weird but I don't know, take up an activity or club and start talking then? first impressions count so it's hard to go from that shy person to someone fun when everyone already knows you so I'd definitely try a new fresh start somewhere. even just talking to the people behind the till or something, people aren't that bad.... there are plenty willing to talk to you. just make the effort, if they ignore you or disrespect you then brush it off. why would you want to be friends with someone like that anyway? yeah people are gonna judge you, you'd be stupid to expect otherwise but after a while your looks won't matter if that's what really bothers you. just fake your confidence till you have it.
if you think it's a mental problem which is possible then go to your doctor, I know how easy it is to say this but difficult to do but its either that or do it yourself. if you can't do it for yourself then how can anyone else?

honestly, I was in your situation and I'm not totally over it but once you're comfortable with people it's worth it.
you have to make the effort to talk to people or it's never going to happen. idk what else to suggest. I'm not sure what's caused it but maybe you're just spending too much time thinking and not enough doing :p

Strangers are worse for me because I don't know them and I guess I am nervous in case they judge me. I've tried to fake my confidence but my nervous personality always jumps in and kills the conversation. I speak to my friends allot more now but before I was even nervous speaking to them and I don't know why because I know they wouldn't judge me as they're friends. It's the same as school, I love working but I hate taking my breaks. I know for a fact people look at me in work and think "he must be crazy for not taking a break". I like to keep on the go and hate starting a conversation incase it ends bad. I worked for a book shop a while back handing out leaflets and because I had a purpose to speak to people I felt comfortable. They don't need anyone anymore and exams are in 8 days so I really don't have the time at the moment.

What I want to know is why am I so nervous unless I have a purpose?

---------- Post added 31-05-2011 at 04:57 PM ----------

As for that job, I was even nervous speaking to the boss, once I had my excuse to talk to people, I did. It was great, I could even speak to girls my own age.

[Shar]

Volunteer work also may help you, obviously youll be nervous at first, and it will probably start off as the Hi-Hi, Bye-Bye conversation.

But if your willing to try believe me it will work for you =]

This is actually quite helpful imo, I used to be like you quite a lot but this was one of the things that helped me break out from my shell so to speak. Engage in activities that force you to interact with other people.
Like Jen said, fake your confidence until you have it. When people can see that you're quite nervous and stuff they're usually less comfortable talking to you and approaching you the next time they see you but if you show them that you're ok and stuff they might talk to you again. Just be yourself Richie, we all know you're a funny and nice person, show people irl!

[Roxy]

Sometimes I'm the exact same as you - when I'm with new people or people who I don't know that well I'm always really nervous & watching what I say, although I've found that the more I do it the better I get at it and the more confidence I gain. If you're finding it hard to know what to do & say then start up a new club or activity which you're interested in - it'll be a fresh start with new people & if you all have a common interest it'll make conversation a lot easier. Usually they'll be similar ages too (although not neccessarily the same age) so eventually it should help you to gain your confidence back and make you feel more comfortable with talking to people of your own age. I've always been shy around new people & starting up new activities has defo helped me. When I started to become friends with the people there it improved my self confidence too, which by the sounds of things you're lacking.

At the end of the day there are always going to be some people who judge you although they're the ones who aren't worth knowing & you just need to have enough confidence to realise there's much more to you than what those people are seeing, which there is. You're really funny & easy to talk to / get on with so you have nothing to worry about I think you just need to get enough confidence back for you to realise that yourself.

[chantellehugs]

Maybe you could try practicing speaking in a mirror, I remember I used to do this when I was younger because I was quite self-conscious about speaking to people or even asking questions. I think the reason I got so nervous was because I realised that I couldn't act the same as I do in school in the outside world, like when I'm with my friends we have weird sayings and I guess 'code-words' that we use, and if I used them towards other people they'd think I was weird.
I just taught myself to show only part of my personality when I meet new people, I'm quite mature and polite, but when I get to know them I reveal more of myself to them .
It probably sounds strange practicing in the mirror but it's useful because you can see how you look when you're talking to other people, like you may think you're being friendly but your facial expression could be saying something else!
I remember when I went on my work experience I was expecting everyone to be extremely mature and serious so when I started I'd braced myself to be mature and professional, but in all honesty the workers were more immature than me, talking about each other behind their backs, and I felt excluded because that's not the sort of thing I do and it felt strange that adults were doing it.

[Jsoh]

I used to be literally just like this

This may seem really unhelpful so sorry if it is, but when I started to gain some confidence it was just by starting conversations with people, if you dont know what to talk about with people then I think you need to find something which you have in common with the person, if that means even resorting to talking about a certain lesson with them then do it, make it like a joke somehow (that's what I did to make more friends and get a social life). If you have real confidence issues then you should just tell your friends and see if they can help? I feel really unhelpful soz

[Ms.Aquamarine]

I used to be really shy and nervous! Well, I sometimes still am but not as much as I used to be. Like Roxy said, do something you're interested in. For me, I am very interested in Cheerleading. Cheerleading helped me meet new people, have a more positive attitude, and more confidence. When I go out in front of a huge crowd or the student body to cheer, I do get very nervous. I just have to think to myself,''I can do this, and even if I mess up, I'll get back up with a smile on my face.'' Encouraging yourself helps!!

[Meanies]

What's your job? I was quite shy before i got a job, then worked in a supermarket and through talking to all the different people, i'm no where near as shy any more. Maybe try volunteering or something somewhere and just get used to talking to people you don't really know, it probably helps when it's people you're unlikely to see again at first

[Inseriousity.]

I'm the same and I'm slowly getting better at voicing my opinion (which as some people on here will know, I have a lot of them ). The idea of raising my hand in class and adding to a discussion, for example, would never have happened at one point. It's not that you don't have anything to say, it's just that you don't feel confident enough to say it so when you do say it, it comes out all wrong or it comes out different to what you were thinking in your head, which makes you less confident so you're basically trapped in a cycle of low self-esteem. The way to improve (imo) is to learn to love yourself. When you love yourself (not in a vain way), you won't care what other people think of you and therefore you're more likely to talk to them. Wake up everyday and think of 5 things that remind you why you're lucky to be where you are and it helps combat against negative thoughts and paranoia.

[Eric]

I'm having the same problem too. When i'm at my fren's house,they're all gone, left me and one of my frens. I become super awkward. Everytime he asks me stuffs then i'll just answer him and smile LOL. I always try to find something to talk about like have you done your homework or what so ever. When i'm at school , some of the teachers think i'm dumb. My classmates always ask me why am i not talking. Sometimes when i don't feel like talking to them , i don't. When i'm in the right chat topic, yeah i'd join them. Like one of my friends he loves glee very much. So i always talk about glee with him.

i don't think i can help you out as i'm having the same problem too lool. sorry. but hopefully this can help u out too lol

[Showder]

Well , I guess your pretty much nervous to anything. Don't Worry! When I was much younger , everyone treated me like an outsider. As I talked more the people and share what I thought , they started being acting closer to me. Its all about confidence! Talk to someone too who likes similar things as you