okay i have a problem

[buttons]

i'll try to keep this short lol

okay, so i met a guy (let's call him M) through my friend's boyfriend in June last year. he's almost 32, never married or had kids. my friend is now pregnant so her and her boyfriend never go out but every weekend M wants to go out. so me and another friend started tweeting or facebooking M to ask him to come out - ngl, mostly for free drinks. we stopped asking him though as we know he'll be there lol (only one club in our town!!)


ever since around october he's liked me. during that time i had low self-esteem so i just lapped up the attention and even encouraged him. i've never had any attraction to him at all though and other than joking around with him i haven't led him on at all. he knows there's no chance of us being together and despite this, he writes me poems, tweets me or skypes me literally everyday to tell me i'm beautiful etc (mostly backhanded compliments though lol), out of 6,000 tweets on his twitter i can guarantee 5,000 are to or about me, he's sent me flowers and chocolates and turned down other people because he likes me too much. he is really good to me and i do appreciate it but it's wasted on me.. and he knows this.


like i say, at the beginning yea it was nice but it's becoming a bit of a problem. people are starting to think we're together and i've had his friends have a go at me, telling me to give him a chance and stop being a selfish *****, telling me there's nothing special about me blah blah. even my own friends tell me to, it's annoying cause they joke about us being together in front of others and say i'm getting mad because i like him which is unfair as #1 if he's there, he might believe it and #2 other people believe it and think he's my boyfriend? >.<



anyway so i've blocked him on skype but i can't block him on facebook/twitter cause we have mutual friends on each and they'll know and ask why and ugh. it's harsh anyway. but there's always somewhere he'll be able to talk to me. i didn't even give him my house address to give me flowers... :S i've said it a million times to him, i don't fancy him and he should move on. i even introduce him to girls. and yes i sound like an ungrateful ***** but it's really beginning to bug me now. i mostly ignore his tweets but when we're out drinking we all have mutual friends so we will be together. not that he talks to me much when we're drunk., just buys us drinks and walks us home.

+rep for advice and i don't need any "give him a chance" or "lol you're selfish" ?.

[Special]

it's your fault for leading him on but he does need to get the hint, just keep telling him (when he talks to you, otherwise ignor him) that there is no way nothing is going to happe. if you can, talk to him in person, usually talking to someone online ends up falling on deaf ears

don't forget to put yourself in his shoes, if you loved someone and they didn't love you back you would be heartbroken so just bear that in mind & let him down softly

eventually he will get the message, luckily nothing sounds strange or weird about him he's just fallen for you

[dirrty]

i think you'll legit have to tell him straight up "i'm not interested, please leave me alone". it seems that his infatuation with you is borderline obsessive (unless i skipped a part where you haven't personally told him that you're not interested?), so you may have to be quite harsh with him if he doesn't get your polite version of it. besides that, i can't really think of a better alternative really, especially it's obvious that he really, really likes you but the feelings aren't mutual.

[Samantha]

I don't think you're feeling selfish, yeah you encouraged him but that was once upon a time and of course times change. Heck if I was feeling like that I would have loved the attention but then again you may see it as hardmless fun and it's obvious he doesn't. It is tricky that you have mutual friends so you can't block him from your life, it's really not your fault so his and your friends shouldn't tell you to give him a chance because they don't rule your mind and you're your own person.

You know your friends do they have boyfriends? Maybe they assume that you want someone, a partner so they go for him when in reality you don't like him plus you might be happy being single. I also believe that if you had someone else they would accuse you of trying to make M jealous which again only you would know that's not true.

I'm waffling on and I don't think he gets the hint, maybe he does what he does, i.e buys you gifts and such because he knows he can? Not like you can get away, move etc. The only thing I can suggest is trying to distance yourself from him (bad advice as I know that's not really possible) but also, at least you're trying to let him down easy, finding him girls and such.

He seems like a gentleman don't get me wrong but also kind of possessive? Like in his mind somewhere you will be together and although you tell him you wont be he cant understand it.

Although agree with above another alternative is coming straight out with it!

[Sammeth.]

Be careful with being too harsh, as he could be a murderer. You'll just have to make your point clear and reiterate it until he gets it. It's pretty much harrassment so get the police involved if you have to.

I wouldn't say any of it is your fault really, it's a bit silly to say it is, we all have our low points and generally do like that kind of attention if we're down and not feeling good about ourselves but that is in no way an invitation to start being excessive and intrusive. I know I've done stupid things with people when I've been down and low but luckily they've understood and not been a **** about it.

Maybe blocking him on facebook is for the best. I know you say people will ask why but you don't have to answer them. And if they are insistant on getting an answer just put it nicely that he's a ******* freak.

[FlyingJesus]

I know you've said to him before that things aren't going to happen but you really are always too friendly about it, and you need to just say it outright and harshly, possibly publicly even. That's mean perhaps but if he's not taking notice when you tell him 1-to-1 then maybe you need to make sure that others see what the reality of the situation is. You say you can't block his fb/twitter but it's gonna be necessary if he's still unwilling to accept the fact that you don't want to be with him - he doesn't have any entitlement to make you "his" or anything and it's only going to get worse and worse the longer you let this go on

Be careful with being too harsh, as he could be a murderer.

omf

[buttons]

@Special; i have never lead him on lol by encouraging i mean he made a comment about something and i was like "you could have bought me flowers and chocolates with that money" just for a joke, i would say that to anyone. he found out i liked manga so ordered some for me online but i refused to take it.
as for "nothing seems strange/weird" - he found out my house address? when i say he walks us home, i mean he walks me and my friend to her house. he could have asked one of our mutual friends for my address but i don't think he did. he just tweeted me asking if that was my address and i said yes and received them. i put up pictures of them on facebook & i said it was the first i'd ever had flowers and thank you very much. that same day i said i still won't date him and no amount of gifts could ever make me like him. think maybe a chat one on one is in order if i get time as he works monday-friday and drinks friday-sunday... no idea how i'm gonna do it though, the way i solve problems is usually rage at them lol

@dirrty; yeah yeah i've told him i'm not interested so many times and he should meet someone new and his friend has tried to set him up with someone he likes & he turned her down cause he doesn't want to be with anyone he doesn't like and he only likes me. and i said "you should give her a chance". i mean, his friends expect me to give him a chance but it's okay that he doesn't give one to someone else ?

@Samanfa; thanks i feel like you really understood what i was writing. wouldn't even say i was encouraging him, just look at what i said to special to show what i mean. yeah my friends have boyfriends, i really don't know why they do it and i've liked and been with guys since M has liked me. ive even been with one of M's friends.. M gives me relationship advice too cause he knows that i like someone. so he definitely knows it's not mutual definitely possessive, he's literally drunk 24/7 though and when we're out and i'm talking to guys, he won't say anything but he will tweet stuff about it. he did say something to a guy i was talking to the last night about breaking his teeth and pissing down his throat if he tried to take advantage of me. then earlier today he was like "i'm always nice to you, i stuck up for you, i protect you". i don't need someone to protect me, especially not someone who is NOT my boyfriend or my father.

@FlyingJesus; @Sammeth.;
alright think im gonna just block him from everything. im pretty pissed off with him at the moment though so it's not gonna be easy to just say to him oh hey i'm blockin you btw. think i need to wait for a better opportunity for it to rise. doesn't look like i'll be out on the town with him anytime soon so i was just gonna wait until he next asks me and maybe say something? wait till i'm sober? im a bit of a coward to say anything so i wait until he's drunk to do it. but still he insists its fine that i don't like him but he's a ~romantic~. he has this ask.fm and i swear he asks himself questions about me. i don't wanna do it publically because like i say his friends are right ******** and i just know how they'll react to it. n don't want to do that to him anyway? i don't wanna be like "your friend is a freak", cause they've all been friends with him longer than they've been friends with me. i really dunno owe u rep tom. x


also let's put it this way. the last time we spoke on skype he wrote to me 27 times in the space of 6 hours and i replied ONCE.

[Inseriousity.]

M? omg if i knew you didnt feel the same way id have stopped

Lol yeah you need to be harsh. I think there's flirty banter and leading someone on and I don't think theres any indication that its the latter. There's the saying 'let him down gently' but it's clear that until you're a bit harsher the message won't sink in and he'll keep his hopes up. Stamp out his hope however painful it may be.

[A4R0N]

go out wiv me instead m8 kiss

[lawrawrrr]

I don't think you're being selfish or ungrateful at all, this is borderline harassment! If you've told him you don't fancy him there's not much you can do, if he's set his ~heart~ on you then you're doing the right thing by not replying/blocking him. The mutual friends you have, would they be pissed at you if you blocked him, because surely they understand he's coming on so strongly and you don't even slightly reciprocate then that's hardly your fault. If he is spreading lies about how you lead him on all the time, the friends that believe him obviously aren't good friends. One of them must have given him your address, bit weird if you ask me.

I knew this guy was creepy but w o w.