LMAO AT THIS!

[Revis]

lmao, why am i always the lesbian?

You're too hot for men... *shrugs*

[Ryan+Joe]

lmao, why am i always the lesbian?

da secret iz comin out 2k6

[Honesty]

You're too hot for men... *shrugs*

Aww how nice of you sk8r boi.
lmao shut up ryan.

[Rawr]

''Completely out of the blue, Matt breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving.''

My emo side there Helen. :]

[Honesty]

''Completely out of the blue, Matt breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving.''

My emo side there Helen. :]

Oh yes.
Keep matt away from the sharp objects.

[Wootzeh]

READ MINE

Big Brother!

Day 1 - Josh admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Bob. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Jeff is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Joe later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Craig creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Shrek hits him with a pen0r.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Wootzeh's pen0r out of *****. After much persuasion by Craig, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Wootzeh's pen0r task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Joe, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the *****. Shrek is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Wootzeh's pen0r task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Joe farts and blows Wootzeh's pen0r over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Bob cries.

6 - Craig gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Bob admits that she likes to be spanked on the bum with a pen0r. Josh says he never wears condoms because they make his nose sore and Craig agrees. Jeff goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true ****** because they're all boring heterosexual *******s. Joe sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Craig.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Josh goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Shrek and Bob are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Josh.

9 - Shrek and Bob are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Jeff sings them a song - American idiot - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Bob out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Bob leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Bob's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Jeff has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Shrek is visibly depressed and is comforted by Craig, who tries to touch her on her nipple.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Craig touching Shrek's nipple over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Joe refuses to run because his nose hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Joe finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Shrek calls Joe a lazy nose.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Josh tells everyone individually that he thinks Shrek is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Shrek and Craig are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Josh.

16 - The nominations are announced. Shrek can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Craig is equally stunned and turns to Shrek for comfort. Joe is distraught and confesses to Jeff that he thinks he is in love with Craig. Jeff says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Craig out of the house. Shrek says she is gutted and even gives Craig a clipping of hair from her nipple to prove how much she cares. Joe is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Craig leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Shrek clipping the hair from her nipple. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Bangkok in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Bangkok sounds like but Joe says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Josh as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Josh successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Bangkok but also God Save The Queen, American idiot and the theme tune to Bob the Builder. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Josh tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Joe and Jeff are nominated.

23 - Joe and Jeff take their nominations well and sit down with Josh and Shrek to discuss why they voted for them. Josh keeps quiet but Shrek accuses Joe of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred nose before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Jeff out of the house and nobody really gives a toss. Jeff leaves.

25 - Josh becomes the first housemate to have a fap. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Josh's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a fapper.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of elephant dung using only a pen0r. Josh is unsure but Joe is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Joe breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the elephant incident from his childhood. Shrek tries to persuade him to stay but Josh sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Joe decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely drunk on some vegetable wine, made by Shrek from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Josh asks Shrek to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Josh nominates Shrek to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Shrek.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Shrek graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Josh is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to fap with him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Josh takes his £70,000 and runs away to Bangkok. Nobody, including Shrek, ever sees him again.

[louder]

Lmao, thats so hilarious.

[ilovejordan]

lmao at this onee I can actually picture some of this happening

Big Brother!

Day 1 - Jordan admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Cassie. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Helen is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Justin later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Joe creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Clarissa hits him with a spork.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of buckingham palace out of sausages. After much persuasion by Joe, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the buckingham palace task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Justin, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the sausages. Clarissa is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the buckingham palace task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Justin farts and blows buckingham palace over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Cassie cries.

6 - Joe gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about se;x. After far too many cans of cider, Cassie admits that she likes to be spanked on the a'rse with a spork. Jordan says he never wears condoms because they make his **** sore and Joe agrees. Helen goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgas'm because they're all boring heterosexual ba'stards. Justin sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Joe.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Jordan goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Clarissa and Cassie are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Jordan.

9 - Clarissa and Cassie are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Helen sings them a song - dont cha - ***** cat dolls - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Cassie out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Cassie leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Cassie's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Helen has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Clarissa is visibly depressed and is comforted by Joe, who tries to touch her on her ******.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Joe touching Clarissa's ****** over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Justin refuses to run because his di;ck hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Justin finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Clarissa calls Justin a lazy di;ck.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Jordan tells everyone individually that he thinks Clarissa is a wh;ore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Clarissa and Joe are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Jordan.

16 - The nominations are announced. Clarissa can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Joe is equally stunned and turns to Clarissa for comfort. Justin is distraught and confesses to Helen that he thinks he is in love with Joe. Helen says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Joe out of the house. Clarissa says she is gutted and even gives Joe a clipping of hair from her ****** to prove how much she cares. Justin is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Joe leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Clarissa clipping the hair from her ******. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of iraq in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of iraq sounds like but Justin says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Jordan as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Jordan successfully burps not only the National Anthem of iraq but also God Save The Queen, dont cha - ***** cat dolls and the theme tune to Sponge bob . He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Jordan tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Justin and Helen are nominated.

23 - Justin and Helen take their nominations well and sit down with Jordan and Clarissa to discuss why they voted for them. Jordan keeps quiet but Clarissa accuses Justin of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred d;ick before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Helen out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. Helen leaves.

25 - Jordan becomes the first housemate to have a w'ank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Jordan's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a w;anker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of giraffe dung using only a spork. Jordan is unsure but Justin is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Justin breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the giraffe incident from his childhood. Clarissa tries to persuade him to stay but Jordan sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Justin decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the giraffe dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely ****ed on some vegetable wine, made by Clarissa from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Jordan asks Clarissa to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Jordan nominates Clarissa to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Clarissa.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Clarissa graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Jordan is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to **** him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Jordan takes his £70,000 and runs away to iraq. Nobody, including Clarissa, ever sees him again.

[issaa.]

roflmao.

[heartQUIVER]

ROFL. my name got entered. yey [:

27 - Completely out of the blue, Justin breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the giraffe incident from his childhood. Clarissa tries to persuade him to stay but Jordan sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Justin decides to leave.

pmsl.