A little short story I made up, it's moral refers to me.

[FlyingJesus]

As Ste enters the house where his so called friends were huddled together, the crisis began.

This is the only thing that needs changing, as it's in multiple tenses. It should read "As Ste entered the house..."

Other than that, a strong short story, nice work.

[Grimmauld]

Thanks for your positive replies guys! I was thinking of it during the ride home from the mall, heh I gave it my best shot.

[louder]

I liked it, +rep.

[foxyfox00]

Yeah it has a good moral. Reminds me of the coda/chorus in a song called Scar by Missy Higgins, probarbly because I sing it for preformance.

"A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?"

But dont change just to be liked, its not worth it.
Been there done that.

[Grimmauld]

Yeah it has a good moral. Reminds me of the coda/chorus in a song called Scar by Missy Higgins, probarbly because I sing it for preformance.

"A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?"

But dont change just to be liked, its not worth it.
Been there done that.

Well, everything you do in life has it's own regrets, .. I like the poem by the way.

[Norco]

Positively "leet".
That story Pwnz all.
Lyk Omgawdzorzz, it rox my sox.
It's awsum posum.

Any others? o.o


Anyways, apart from the lingo, the story rocks, and the plot is so true, just not expressed enough.


ANTI-PREJUDICE BAYBAY!

[Offspring]

It bought a tear to me eye

[Kukuthebird]

Awesome story!

[Nia12]

It's a nice story XXX