What you need to do is read it through and see what it would be like if you spoke in the first person, as if you were actually there going through those images and conversations, you need to elaborate more on how you feel. It's a brillaint plot and storyline, maybe extend it a little more to make sure the reader knows what kind of setting it is. Otheriwse the reader cannot picture the scene. Sort of start with, "The water looked murky, with just a few objects floating around looking for shelter, after a few seconds they all dissapeared......" and so on. That's what draws the reader in, it makes it more spicy and tense, which makes the reader want to read more.

Anyway good luck with it mate, I'm sure you'll do fine, hope I helped a bit