To the older members (17+)

[lawrawrrr]

I remember being in my first relationship at 14, thinking I was in love with him after a week, and even my first serious crush at 11, I look back on myself thinking that it was just fantasy, or infatuation. As much as we can look back and laugh at our past selves now, at the time, it just seemed like the most important thing in the world, and I'm sure older teens were laughing at us when we were going through that.

I don't say 'I love you' anymore, unless it's a joke or I seriously mean it. My sister, who's almost 15, has just got a new boyfriend, and on the night he asked her out, she updated her facebook status to say she loved him. After about 5 minutes. And with her ex, I distinctly remember overhearing her tell him that 'she realllly loved him properly', then broke up with him a week later. It's something that isn't going to stop - it's like, the circle of life (please do excuse the Disney reference). For all we know, there's adults out there laughing at OUR ideas of relationships...

[Spuds]

but torres and his missus met when they were 1 and now they're picking babies from a cabbage patch

[Hecktix]

I've recently studied both the developmental and social aspects surrounding the phenomenon of love within childhood and general understanding of concepts such as relationships and friendship.

I think it's important to look at the levels of relationships and how they differ through certain ages:

(I know the ages aren't always gonna be accurate, but I'm going by what's generally accurate)

10-14 ~ Would class a relationship as two people who find eachother attractive, perhaps go around holding hands, kiss eachother, perhaps make out for the first time. These relationships are usually short and I feel that a lot of them are for show, i.e. get the best looking boy/girl you can - this will make you look good/popular. I know it was like this during my early teens.

15-18 ~ I think sexual experimentation holds huge power over relationships in the mid-teens and I think this can cause certain problems in naive teenagers who perhaps believe that because they lost their virginity to someone they are in love with them. You tend to see a few different types of behaviour in regards to relationships between these age ranges, often people become somewhat isolated as everyone around them seems to be having sex and they don't want to so they opt out of relationships, or people continue with the whole "go for the hottest boy/girl you can get" from the previous age stage have a short relationship with them (although perhaps two or three months rather than weeks) and then move onto the next one, however of course this is percieved as more "grown up" than in previous cases as sex is involved. However you cannot discount the serious relationships that do start between these ages, I know several people who started dating during these ages who are still together, I would say that now they are completely in love however you cannot really say this whilst any relationship is in the developmental stages, any relationship needs to develop before you can see whether it will go further and in most cases it won't.

After 18, people tend to just go around sleeping with various people or settle down within a longer-term relationship with who they feel is the right person (and they probably are the right person at the time) or they wait for the right person to come along.

Love is an overused word and I don't think it's wrong for these young teenagers to use it as it pretty much is true in terms of what their concept of love is - however this concept develops therefore the concept of love that older teenagers have is different to that of younger teenagers. It's all about development and it happens for every single one of us.

[FlyingJesus]

The fact that they think they are right always aswell makes me chuckle

As opposed to some older members thinking that suddenly age 17 you become able to know true love?

at the time i seriously believe i'm in love (lol) and nothing will convince me otherwise. i can tell you now, looking back, the only time i think i was actually in love was my first proper relationship when i was 14-15 years old. nothing has ever come close and i don't think it ever will and i can't see myself looking back in years to come thinking it was a silly little teenage thing because it's not

This basically, I was the same age for my *+*FiRsT LoVe*~* and can honestly say I haven't been "in love" since no matter what I've thought a couple of times at the beginnings of relationships - as you say, it's looking back afterwards that you realise otherwise

I've recently studied both the developmental and social aspects surrounding the phenomenon of love within childhood

You won't find justification for your actions ;|

I don't think it's wrong for these young teenagers to use [the word love] as it pretty much is true in terms of what their concept of love is

Absolutely, it's all down to how you feel at the time. Infatuation is a form of love even in the immature stages of our lives and relationships

[RandomManJay]

Oli's right in many respects of how we perceive love, especially during the years of adolescence and early adulthood as its a time where puberty occurs and when most of us mature mentally.

I can remember when I was 13/14, I had this massive crush on someone and it lasted until I was about 17. But through those years, my view of what I really felt for the person changed. And now I'm 20 (nearly 21 !), I really can't imagine ever feeling the way I felt about them.

I don't really think its fair calling then ignorant as after all its not like we're told exactly what you're supposed to feel when you're in love. And when you think about the amount of media exposure we have today of people getting all 'lovey-dovey' on TV and whatnot, its easy to see why people (in particular teens) would think that what they think people are feeling on a TV programme is what they're feeling at that moment in time.

Personally I think you can't ever imagine what true love is until you experience it for yourself. And that may happen when you're 13, 14, or even 30 and beyond. You may understand what it is, and what it really means, but until you've experienced it, you wont know what it 'feels' like to be in love.

[beth]

i think ignorant is the wrong word to use, perhaps naive would sit better?

i remember being 14/15 and thinking that my life would be nothing unless i had a boyfriend, and now i look back and laugh at myself. i don't miss that at all, but i do miss having no worries. now at uni and worrying about housing and rent and debts and paying bills and buying food and still making sure i have money to spend on myself, and working full time at winter and trying to fit in still having friends.
i wish i was naive to the world again too, but i've always been pretty world-wary, i'm literally sceptical of most things now.

[Hecktix]

i think ignorant is the wrong word to use, perhaps naive would sit better?

i remember being 14/15 and thinking that my life would be nothing unless i had a boyfriend, and now i look back and laugh at myself. i don't miss that at all, but i do miss having no worries. now at uni and worrying about housing and rent and debts and paying bills and buying food and still making sure i have money to spend on myself, and working full time at winter and trying to fit in still having friends.
i wish i was naive to the world again too, but i've always been pretty world-wary, i'm literally sceptical of most things now.

Call it what you wish with hindsight bethie however you were just a normal 15 year old girl.

[Inseriousity.]

Tbh, I find older people who look down on younger people saying 'you don't know what love is', 'you're too young' etc really annoying because there was probably a time when someone older than you was saying the exact same thing to you. There isn't some shiny moment where suddenly everything becomes clear, you're just as clueless as they are now because love is subjective and means different things for different people.

[beth]

Call it what you wish with hindsight bethie however you were just a normal 15 year old girl.

eh?! i didn't call it anything other than being a normal 15 year old!

[Nicola]

If I'm honest I don't ever remember thinking that I was in love at the ages of 12, 13 and 14. I had boyfriends and sure I said "love you" to them but I said "love you" to everyone at that age. I didn't actually love them, love them, it was just affectionate and something you said I suppose. I didn't even care about sex at all at that age it was more about just having someone to hold hands with and being able to write "I (L) soandso" and my hand.

I'm 17 (nearly 18) now and I never say "I love you" to anyone unless I truly mean it, I'm very particular about who I say it to. I can look back now to my early teens and remember how I felt about my boyfriends/crushes but it's nothing compared to how I feel now.